The Do’s and Don’ts of Bdsm
Do’s
Do use common sense.
Do demand that all safety precautions are being taken.
Do require that personal information is shared between both before meeting.
Do listen to those voices and feelings that tell you something is not quite right.
Do meet in a public place.
Do watch how they interact in public around others.
Do set up safecalls and a safetynet. Do be realistic.
Do demand you “know” someone deeply before giving over a deep trust.
Do listen to your instincts, if something seems suspicious, wrong or out of the ordinary… pay attention to those red flags.
Do use and demand safewords and signs… it is not a sign of weakness, it shows you care about yourself and your partner.
Do make known your hard and soft limits ( Regardless of whether you are a Dominant or submissive).
Do stand up and voice yourself, you are responsible for you, even if you share that with someone else.
Do stay true to who you are inside, being what someone want/needs shouldn’t mean giving up who you are, it should enhance who you are.
Do ask questions, it’s how you learn.
Do demand that open communication be part of the relationship (from both sides).
Do embrace your Dominance or submission, just don’t let it be your only way to survive and live.
Do stop a meeting or scene at anytime you feel the need to do so.
Do set hard limits for yourself, thinking everyone will ‘know’ that certain things are off limits is unrealistic, there are those who will ask you to do the unthinkable.
Do enjoy your meeting as much as possible, relax and be yourself.
Do report ANY abuse! Mental, Emotional and /or Physical… Abuse is Abuse and it’s WRONG!! Get out of your situation and report it as soon as possible.
Don’ts
We see a lot of Do’s with Bdsm... Here are some Don’ts that are important for your own well-being whether it be mental, emotional and/or physical. Regardless of Dom/me, Top, bottom or sub…. Your safety is your responsibility, always. Remember the first person responsible for your safety is YOU!!
Do Not forget that common sense is your best friend.
Do Not put your own well-being at risk. No not give out your personal information when first talking to someone. Wait until you are both very sure of things and are going to meet. It is important to share personal information when meeting so that your safecall person /s know who you are meeting / where they live/ how they can be contacted, in case there is a need to share that with authorities.
Do not let someone convince you their personal information can not be shared for a meeting, if they can’t share that type of information with you, something is very wrong. No one says it has to be anything more than a name address and phone number.
Do Not meet someone you don’t know very well.
Do Not meet at their house or yours, find a public place.
Do Not allow them to tell you , there is no need for safecalls and having your safety net, this is needed for Dom/mes and submissives alike.
Do not be unrealistic , there are folks who are not who they say they are, whether it be Dominant, submissive or vanilla.
Do Not compromise your safety in the name of trust, always play an active role in being safe.
Do Not doubt your instincts, if something seems suspicious, wrong, out of the ordinary… pay attention to those red flags.
Do Not give up safewords/signs just because someone say you can trust them with your life.
Do Not let the submissive convince you they do not need a safeword because they trust you.
Do Not accept or give a collar until you have met and taken the time to ‘know’ the person inside and out.
Do Not give up your identity for another.
Do Not accept Dominance as the answer to all.
Do Not allow others to convince you that submission means being a doormat or giving up the ability to think and speak for yourself.
Do Not let submissives think of you as a godlike figure, and convince you that you are unable to make mistakes.
Do Not set your expectations too high, this is a time to get to know each other better , things may not feel as powerful as they did at first online.
Do Not ignore your lack of comfort with a person or situation.
Do Not change Your hard limits simply because you think it will make another happy.
Do Not change your hard limits simply because you think it would be UnDomly to have those hard limits.
Do Not let yourself think using or demanding a safeword is a failure or a weakness (it is protection).
Do Not ignore warning signs , they are there to protect you.
Do Not let the excitement of having found a possible partner over ride your common sense.
Do Not let the thrill of experiencing ‘submission’ and/ or ‘Bdsm’ determine whether or not you use your brain to make wise decisions.
