lady ace of spades's blog: "the angsty poems from day-to-day"

...nope, didnt work. i still suck.

dear mom dear dad, the time has come. i'm being called HOME, something i can't ignore... not anymore. when i go, when you'v found me, lifeless and cold, give me a helena dress and a funeral, timeless and old. i tried, u must understand, to be the best i could... i fought life but i lost i did wat i would... tell them warn them against wat i'v done tell the ones who care i loved them from day one. tell my sister she can have my room. tell my friends not to blame themselves for my doom. tell the kids at school the news they wont care they just want their drugs and booze. plz dont hate me i didnt mean to cause you pain i'm so sorry i wasnt sane...

i wanna break shit kill it good i wanna rip shit the anger turns inwards. my veins are cut the blood runs free a solution that's only temporary. fuck u bitch let me die fuck this shit get me high. let me die let me die watch me die let me die.

tonight, he broke my heart. i yell as he falls silent. tonight, he ripped up my love. my friends held me as i cried. on a corner in the bounds of a streetlamp, my one true love betrayed me. tonight, curiousity killed me and i found the truth hid in his lies.

Hush. can you hear that? Can you hear my silence? Is it as loud as my thoughts that scream at you to notice my pain? Rushing thoughts. My mind in chaos. Everything and nothing is wrong with me. Why must i be the freak? This madness in my head wont leave me alone. Everything repeats; my pain and my happiness, my depression and my good times, my love and my paranoia. wat to do?

My hands now shake, I take the gun, I fought my demons, But they won, The cold hard barrel, Against my head, One small push and I`ll be dead… No more running, not for me It`s time to meet my destiny, I cannot breath I cannot see But now, I`ll finally be free……. ~ A black night, a clouded moon. All is peaceful, the harsh rays of the sun faded away long ago leaving the scent of soft flowers as the sounds of strange insects rises like a tribute to the magnificence of the night. Slowely the sound rises and the moor reaches its peak. Now, at the midnight hour, all is at peace. This is the way it is meant to be. The beauty of the night evelopes me and i feel totally at peace. In the distace i hear the sound of a train slowely chunging allong its way it passes by casting shadows upon the ground like miniature people dancing to the music of the night. it passes on and slowly fades into the unaudible distance into oblivion. I remain here basking in the glorious rays of the moon. This is where i belong, this is where i will remain. Here i am finally at peace. ~ I am the flint that creates the sparks which create the fires within their hearts and though i burn for the one i love ive sent her passion to the guy above i unite their heart in eternal care but then i realive my life is bear. Ive sent to another the girl of my dream. but hey life just sucks or so it would seem ~ (he wrote this one about me) Amazingly nice and fun to be around, a great influence to all around her Capable of loving anyone she chooses and easily being loved in return Everyones life is enriched by her existence More than just a cute latina girl, a beautiful latina woman Over the top of everyones expectations and still rising Open to new ideas and willing to join in any social thing that happens Never too busy to help a friend out in need Extra special hugs for anyone she knows needs one Yesterday she was the best girl i knew and tomorrow that still won't change ~ (this one is for me, just letting me know he was there for me) Sit there and speak of death and suicide, i will still care. Talk of knives and bleding, no amout of scary suicidalness will scare me away. You speak of peope watching you fall with out reaching out to help you but i promise i will be there to catch you. Jump and I will follow with a rope to cary you back up and sit by your bedside until you return to health. You know you are cared for and seem to hate it but thats fine. I am here to take your blade and wrap your wounds. I will be there for you when you need. Whether you notice or not, I am here. ~ (we never dated, we'r just close enough friends to say that) This goes out to my girl Ace Dont ever be afraid to come to me and cry, Dont ever hesitate to look me in the eye, Dont ever be afraid to tell me how you feel. Remember ur my friend and we gotta keep it real!!! ~ Oh this is the night it's a beautiful night and we call it bella notte look at the skies they have stars in their eyes on this lovely bella notte side by side with your loved one you will find the enchantment here the night will weave its magic spell when the one you love is near, oh this is the night and the heavens all rise on this lovely bella notte ~ Do your work. Stay up to par. We push you on, but not to far. Pay attention to pass the test, and don't forget to do your best. Work real hard into the night, tomorrow in class you'll do alright. Homework lost without a trace? Be prepared, now LD you face. Crammed in a room far to small, after this you won't stand so tall. We'll break you down to fit the mold. Next time do what your told. Meet the challenges of your class. Do the homework and you'll pass. Lose an assignment, fail the test. Pay the time like all the rest. ~ Slow down you crazy child You're so ambitious for a juvenile But then if you're so smart tell me why You are still so afraid? Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out You got so much to do and only So many hours in a day Slow down you're doing fine You can't be everything you want to be Before your time Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight Too bad but it's the life you lead You're so ahead of yourself That you forgot what you need Though you can see when you're wrong You know you can't always see when you're right You got your passion you got your pride But don't you know only fools are satisfied? Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true lonnie is one of my best friends, closer than anyone else i know, dont get the wrong idea about us tho

cheguevaragurl: wat would u do if i disappeared? chaseray420: be lonly cheguevaragurl: wat if i died? chaseray420: dont say that cheguevaragurl: but wat if i did? chaseray420: no plz dont say this i dont wann think of u dead cheguevaragurl: i cant stay alive 4ever chaseray420: yeah u can cheguevaragurl: lol how? chaseray420: in my dreams i6nutj: here save this chat and use it tomorrow in school. Here I, Rolando Udo Edwards, do officially transfer all my power and respect to Angelica (Ace) Mooney to command the cirlce group. Treat her with all the respect you would me and follow her commands as if they were my own Oriole565: Research Paper, I Hate You Paper paper on the screen, Why are your requirements so mean? I dont like reading, I dont like writing, I dont like using facts i'll be citing. My profile has a character limit, it's really quite not fair, Why should my paper consist of thousands, yet my profile be so bare? You suck paper, you really do. You're retarted, I hate you. I could be over reacting, at least just a tad, I suppose many would say "the paper's not that bad." truecinaed: i looked through a deck of cards be for. i notised that the only one i wanted was the ACE cheguevaragurl: wat would u do if i disappeared? TrueCinaed: id die cheguevaragurl: wat if i died? TrueCinaed: id die cheguevaragurl: wat if i died in front of u or in ur arms? TrueCinaed: id kill myself sam: Today was my black day, by which I mean every article of clothing I wore was black. I'm not rebelling or being goth or anything, just sometimes its good to be dark; in a manner of speaking. Today I think I was rather obnoxious, perhaps my ADHD was acting up or something. Either way, I apologize for my irritating behavior. Yesterday I was talking with someone about how every time a person leaves Field, another, very similar person takes their place. Most of the time the person is simply a person in a lower grade, who is prepped over time. One example is Branson Skinner, who's absence would be felt greater if it weren't for a new sophmore who also looks like someone a J Crew catalogue threw up. Another easy example is the Field legacies, families like the Waynes and Jennisons who seem to be popping out an infinite number of virtually identical (at least looking) students. Ace, who replaced Lexi Gordon and is to be replaced by her little sister, thinks I am the replacement of Will Chapman. I'm also beginning to think my replacement might be somewhere in Field as we speak, waiting for my graduation to make a coup for the position of Sam Mason. THANK YOU TO MY FRIENDS WHO CARE FOR ME!!!

She stood there, Looking at her phone, Hoping her best friend would call, Tell her its alright. Five minutes later; The pills and water were out, Knife was ready, The blade glistening in the sunlight that escaped the curtains. She kept glancing at the phone. Another five minutes; Knife poised Ready to strike. The water’s started to warm up. Still no call, nothing. ‘Maybe she doesn’t care’ she thought. The knife drags through the skin… Five more minutes; Red, pulsing marks have appeared up and down her arms. Still no call. Water’s warm, Pills are ready. ‘Five more minutes’ she tells herself. Five minutes more; Still no call. ‘It’s time’ she thinks. She reaches for the bottle of white pills And the warm water… Five minutes later; She stood there Pills in one hand, Water in the other, Remembering the good times. Blood drips onto her carpet, Snapping her out of her trance. Automatically her hands came up to her mouth And she swallowed. Five minutes later; The entire bottle was gone, The room was spinning out of control. A door opened, She was falling into a deep dark well, Blackness creeping into her vision from the sides. Suddenly she was caught Her vision cleared just enough to see her best friend holding her Besides her friend was her mom Dailing 911, Weeping. ‘Too late’ she whispered. Her hand unclenched to reveal the empty bottle. She reached out to her mom Wanting to be comforted, Tears rolling down her cheeks Like when she was a little girl. ‘I’m scared’ she clutched her mom’s hand. Looking at her friend Who was still holding her, Crying. Her vision clouding again. ‘Thank you’ she said. And she breathed her last breath…

I stand here In the middle of the night Smashed between two buildings In a pool of silver and gold light. The cars pull away Their winking tail lights shining And suddenly I realize That I’m the last one standing.

Help me. I am a waste of air A useless object taking up space. See me in the corner Standing there with hopes and dreams Disguised by fallen shoulders? Yeah, that’s me. Now answer this; Do I really deserve to live? Help me. Please just kill me. Bite my throat and drain me of blood, Cut my throat and watch me squirm, Slice my wrists and see my blood run down my arms. Kill me fast Kill me slow. Can you see yourself standing over my body Laughing as I lay there In my own blood Sprawled on the ground My eyes open and staring Or looking like I’m sleeping? A friend once said “Life is like a dream” So can you help me? Can you help me Wake up from this nightmare?