ninjasabby's blog: "stupid funny things"

Little Melissa comes from Chance Cove Newfoundland and attends first grade. After school she tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentines day. "Since Valentines Day is for a Christian saint, I was wondering if I gave a Valentine to someone who was not, will God get mad at me for giving them a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she saids "why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock "well," she says, "I thought that if a little Newfoundland Christian girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didnt hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new-found pride. "Melissa, that the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know,"Melissa says, "and once that gets him out of the open, our Canadian Soldiers can shoot the fucker

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. in an attempt to disgust them , I once again vomit on the floor. Day 722: Today i decaptitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! Day 802: There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell of the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage Day 913: Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog recieves special privileges. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now...

8AM dog food! my favourite thing 9am a car ride! my favourite thing 10am a walk in the park! my favourite thing 10:30am got rubbed and petted! my favourite thing 12pm lunch! my favourite thing 1pm played in the yard! my favourite thing 3pm wagged my tail! my favourite thing 5pm milk bones! my favourite thing 7pm got to play ball! my favourite thing 8pm wow!watched tv with my people! my favourite thing 11pm sleeping on the bed! my favourite thing