Domestic abuse by a spouse or intimate partner knows no age or ethnic boundaries. Domestic abuse can occur during a relationship or after a relationship has ended. The victims of domestic violence and spousal abuse are five to eight times more likely to be women than men. However, men can also be the victims of domestic abuse.
A common pattern of domestic abuse is that the perpetrator alternates between violent, abusive behavior and apologetic behavior with apparently heartfelt promises to change. The abuser may even be very pleasant most of the time. Therein lies the perpetual appeal of the abusing partner and why many people are unable to leave the abusive relationship.
However the psychological and physical dangers of staying in an abusive relationship are severe. The first step in ending the misery is recognition that the situation is abusive. Then you can seek help.
Domestic abuse between spouses or intimate partners is when one person in the relationship tries to control the other person. The perpetrator uses fear and intimidation and may threaten to or actually use physical violence. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.
The victim of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be a man or a woman. Domestic abuse occurs in traditional heterosexual marriages, as well as in same-sex partnerships. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended.
The key elements of domestic abuse are:
Intimidation
Humiliation
Physical injury
Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence. Domestic violence may even end up in murder.
What are the types of domestic abuse?
The types of domestic abuse are:
Physical abuse (domestic violence)
Verbal or nonverbal abuse (psychological, mental, or emotional abuse)
Sexual abuse
Stalking or cyberstalking
Economic abuse or financial abuse
Spiritual abuse
The divisions between these types of domestic abuse are somewhat fluid, but there is a strong differentiation between the various forms of physical abuse and the various types of verbal and nonverbal abuse.
What is physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?
When someone talks of domestic violence, they are often referring to physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner. Physical abuse is the use of physical force against another in a way that ends up injuring that person or putting him or her at risk of being injured. Physical abuse ranges from physical restraint to murder.
Physical assault or physical battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside the family. The police are empowered to protect you from physical attack.
Physical abuse includes:
Pushing, throwing, tripping.
Slapping, hitting, punching, kicking.
Grabbing, choking, shaking.
Pinching, biting.
Holding, restraining, confinement.
Assault with a weapon.
Burning or freezing.
Throwing things.
What is emotional abuse or verbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?
Mental, psychological, or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner consists of more subtle actions or behaviors than physical abuse. While physical abuse might seem worse, the scars of verbal and emotional abuse are deep. Studies show that verbal or nonverbal abuse can be much more emotionally damaging than physical abuse.
Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:
Threatening or intimidating to gain compliance.
Destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so.
Violence to an animal or object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) in the presence of their partner, as a way of instilling fear.
Yelling, screaming, name-calling.
Shaming, mocking, or criticizing the victim, either alone or in front of others.
Possessiveness, isolation from friends and family.
Blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels.
Telling the victim that they are worthless on their own.
Making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship.
How do you know if you are in an abusive relationship?
There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The primary sign is fear of your partner. Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, numbness, helplessness, and desperation.
To determine whether or not you're in an abusive relationship, answer the questions in the table below. The more questions to which you answer “yes,” the more likely your relationship is abusive.
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Your Inner Feelings and Thoughts
Do you :
fear your partner a large percentage of the time?
avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
ever think you deserve to be physically hurt or mistreated?
sometimes wonder if you are the one who is crazy?
feel afraid that your partner may try to hurt or kill you?
feel afraid that your partner will try to take your children away?
feel emotionally numb or helpless?
think that domestic violence seem normal to you?
Your Partner’s Violent or Threatening Behavior
Has your partner ever:
had a bad and unpredictable temper?
hurt you, or threatened to hurt or kill you?
threatened to take your children away, especially if you try to leave?
threatened to commit suicide, especially as a way of keeping you from leaving?
forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to?
destroyed your belongings or household objects?
Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner:
try to keep you from seeing your friends or family?
make you embarrassed to invite friends or family over to your house?
limit your access to money, the telephone, or the car?
act excessively jealous and possessive?
try to stop you from going where you want to go or doing what you want to do?
check up on you, including where you've been or who you've been with?
Your Partner’s Belittlement of You
Does your partner:
verbally abuse you?
humiliate or criticize you in front of others?
often ignore you or put down your opinions or contributions?
blame you for their own violent behavior?
objectify and disrespect those of your gender?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
What are the warning signs that a co-worker is a victim of domestic violence?
Domestic violence often plays out in the workplace. For instance, a husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend might make threatening phone calls to their intimate partner or ex-partner. Or the worker may show injuries from physical abuse at home.
If you witness a cluster of the following warning signs in a co-worker, you can reasonably suspect domestic abuse:
Bruises and other signs of impact on the skin, with the excuse of “accidents.”
Depression, crying.
Frequent and sudden absences.
Frequent lateness.
Frequent, harassing phone calls to the person while they are at work.
Fear of the partner, references to the partner’s anger.
Decreased productivity and attentiveness.
Isolation from friends and family.
Insufficient resources to live (money, credit cards, car).
If you recognize signs of domestic abuse in a co-worker, talk to your Human Resources department. The Human Resources staff should be able to help the victim without your further involvement.
What are the causes of domestic abuse or domestic violence?
An individual who was abused as a child or exposed to domestic violence in the household while growing up is at an increased risk of becoming either an abuser or the abused in his or her adult relationships. In this way, domestic violence and abuse is transmitted from one generation to the next. This cycle of domestic violence is difficult to break because parents have presented abuse as the norm.
Other factors that can lead to domestic abuse include:
Stress
Economic hardship
Depression
Jealousy
Mental illness
Substance abuse
What are the effects of domestic violence or abuse?
The adverse effects of domestic violence or abuse can be very long-lasting. People who have been abused by a spouse or intimate partner often suffer from:
Depression
Anxiety attacks
Low self-esteem
Lack of trust in others
Feelings of abandonment
Anger
Sensitivity to rejection
Chronic health problems
Sleeping problems
Inability to work
Poor relationships
Substance abuse
In addition to these problems, physical abuse may result in serious injury or death if the victim does not leave the relationship.
What is the effect of domestic violence on children?
Children who witness domestic violence may develop serious emotional, behavioral, developmental, or academic problems. As children, they may become violent themselves, or withdraw. Some act out at home or school; others try to be the perfect child. Children from violent homes may become depressed and have low self-esteem.
As they develop, children and teens who grow up with domestic violence in the household are more likely to:
Exhibit violent and aggressive behavior.
Attempt suicide.
Use and abuse drugs.
Commit crimes, especially sexual assault.
Become abusers in their own relationships later in life.
