ninja dressed to kill's blog: "sperm dumpster"

Holy fuck i just got back from dallas! last night I went to see Goatwhore, THE RED ChORD, and Mutha fucking Black Dahlia MURDER!!!! and cannibal corpse.... I almost cried when the black dahlia murder came on stage... even better later not only did i get to meet every one from all the bands but the lead guitarist for the black dahlia murder came and talked to me during the cannibal corpse show!! i almost shit myself... i swear i don't think I could have had a better fucking time.. i didn't get to meet the guys from cannibal corpse..but i think i'll live i got to meet who i went to see!! anywho i'll have pictures up here would have had more but yeah i ran out of fucking batteries...

well as of yesterday i have reserved my posistion in the army. I go to MEPS (physical exam) wednsday ... I will be leaveing before the end of the month.. I will be working in water treatment until and animal health care specialist position becomes available... I guess i'm ready to get out of small town east texas and do something with my life i figure i only have to sign up for two years i have money to go to college plus that AWESOME 20,000 dollar cash bonus they are handing out at the moment.. lol only bad part of all of this is i have to lie to my family and tell them i'm joining the airforce so they won't vertualy disown me and worry themselves sick over me.. although they will have no choice but to find out when i send them the packet saying i'm graduating from training in the army .. oh well i feel bad but i know it's for the best.. basicly i'm writeing this on here because i need to get it off my chest and i cant tell anyone ...

I don'tt think we could live with out it. Although it's pretty fucking hard to live with. update on life is things are going pretty well for me at the moment going back to an excilente job at a vets clinic which I love due to the fact that I love animals. lol family is driving me bonkers about preparing to leave for california i keep tellling them they have at least another semester or two with me here but you know how people are. I have although decided not to let anything or anyone stand in my way of prosueing my dreams. With this attitude I'm starting to feel like i'm getting some where. anyways I'll talk to you lovelies later!

Exactly what the doctor ordered! thank god it's much needed with the stress of life waying a ton I get the perfect get away log cabin in the mountains overlooking a lake!! I couldn't ask for anything better!!!

usually come at the worst time.. today with some help I realize that i'm not living the life i should I'm doing things that I shouldn't and I'm not hitting my main goals in life for such a strong person suposably I'm such a weak individual i've turned into the cliche teenager and done things I swore never to. I realize i need to get away from everything for a while i need to stop and look at life and how things should go. I'm auditioning for AMDA in two months and yet i'm still being retarded. my family no longer looks at me the same they look at me as if i'm a lost wondering child that they have never laid eyes on before. I've let down so many people with just this one action that i don't know how to face things at the mmoment. I know i'll pull through but I don't know how I'm going to do it!!! right before graduation and everything will be ripped away.. yummm don't you love days like today

usually come at the worst time.. today with some help I realize that i'm not living the life i should I'm doing things that I shouldn't and I'm not hitting my main goals in life for such a strong person suposably I'm such a weak individual i've turned into the cliche teenager and done things I swore never to. I realize i need to get away from everything for a while i need to stop and look at life and how things should go. I'm auditioning for AMDA in two months and yet i'm still being retarded. my family no longer looks at me the same they look at me as if i'm a lost wondering child that they have never laid eyes on before. I've let down so many people with just this one action that i don't know how to face things at the mmoment. I know i'll pull through but I don't know how I'm going to do it!!! right before graduation and everything will be ripped away.. yummm don't you love days like today

Stop being so fucking complicated.. to all of you out there if you like some one just fucking tell them don't play around and let them hurt your feeling because they don't know!! it's not difficult to just state "I like you" don't make us fucking try tofigure your shit out !!!! make life easier for the both of us!! PLEASE!!!!

My Freinds back home terrible two decided to suprise me and come see me today best present ever IAHH i forget how much i really am home sick sometimes... I for get how diffrent it is here.... things like this always help me rember who my true friends are the people who love me for who i am and not what i look like the people who have been there for me no matter what the people I cherish the most.. people who forgive my stupid mistakes and will give me a hug when i need it the most. people who cheer me up by just showing up... mmk sounding a little emo but hey it's true they just left and i miss them SO BAD already!! Gahh