Hedonistic Mike's blog: "Sounds nice, but I know it’s just a fantasy, some dreams, and a few questions."

Home: Has anyone thought about how such a funny word home is? I mean think of it, people are homeless, home sick, homebound, and so on…but what does that four-letter word really mean? It could be the place where one comes from, maybe a place in ones mind where things are right, where the pain stops. A place where good times and bad times seem to meld to together and all is safe still or such a horrific place they can’t look back on. Some get stranded a million miles away from home and they can’t find their way back to where things are right. Maybe it’s not a place at all, but a shelter for a heart to grow in safety, a net so to speak to catch you when you fall. I thought once home was a far distance place where you could not get to on foot, or physically, not to mention alive. Those are also distant thoughts that have been wiped away from a not so clear mind. I guess you can say I miss home, I miss fitting in, I miss being needed and wanted, I miss my shelter where I had it all. I miss home where I was welcomed when I was sick, down, up, or for that matter just me. I am looking to build a new home for this old heart of mine that has been tired way to long…I guess just not long enough for anyone else’s likings. I have been on my way looking for pieces to this new home and so far it’s a pretty long trip, but who’s counting the mile. I would just like another chance to make thing’s right, I would like to take the time and spend some time at home….I would like let everyone know that their hearts have a home here with me, well that is the people I have wronged. I got a long way back home now and well you know what, I am taking every step with forgiveness and apologies. Giving and taking along the way, leaving what I don’t need and not over staying my welcome, not to over step those bounds and have respect for my fellow friends and new faces along the way. I will shake every hand, apologize where I can, make amends for the thing’s I did and make a better home when I get there. Until then I will just try to make thing’s as good as they can get.

Well Here I am sitting alone and I am thinking about the thing's that I want truly most in my life…Some are dreams, some are just fantasy, and and others are just questions I have…but all of it is the real me. I can't remember when things were normal, but then again explain normal to me. If I were to listen to my textbooks, then I would tend to believe that everything one may believe is normal, but to other is completely insane. So As I wonder if I am normal I will let you decide if any of this sounds normal…. well never mind I really don't want to know. . I set here alone in my room until I wait for you to break me out again. I shun being with people, but I can't help being the life of the party when I am around others. I beg to be able to dream with my eyes open, but if I did that I would never sleep. I wait for another soul to kiss my eyelids so I can wake, but I feel destined to stay in this dream. I have aspirations of becoming a great psychologist, but I know I will just make a small dent in a very large world. I can help others in their lives, dreams, problems, but feel bound by my own. When I am with someone in a relationship I feel I am going to fuck thing's up and nine times out of ten I do. I lust for the thing's I can't have and yet again I pass up thing's that are handed to me. I pretend that I am some barney badass, but really I am still afraid of the monsters under my bed. I believe that if love is real, why is it so hard to find like a mythical dragon or a unicorn? When I wake in the morning is someone thinking of me or does it really matter; I would like to think it does. Can anyone remember the last time they danced with someone that they cared for with out music for a background to do so; I do. Here is a question that I have always wondered…. if looks don't matter why is there so many lonely people or late night pregnancies…. mainly after a four o'clock bars close? If humor is truly important in peoples lives, why is there so many people crying, have they forgotten how to laugh? I think that is enough questions for now. Here is the words of a man who can't remember the last time the world was not kicking his ass…and I still get back up and do it again. Wake me with a breath on my soul, kiss my eyes so I can wake, share with me what you will, but don't ever leave me in the dark. Take my hand as I fall into a slumber and let me feel secure for once in my life. Let me forget about the days worries as I gaze into your eyes, because it would be nice to be forgetful once in awhile. Let me draw you a bath and surprise you by sharing that same bath with you. Let me dress your body with the finest thoughts that no money can buy…because they are only mine to give and they are genuine. Let me lie my head on your tummy after making love hoping to hear a spark of life ignite. When we are old and gray, let me chase you around the house as we did when we first met letting you know that you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Most of all let me keep my thoughts of you when I am to old to remember, but still to in love to forget your face. Sounds nice, but I know it's just a fantasy, some dreams, and a few questions.