nichi's blog: "some poetry"

wrote this over the weekend... I want to say it was saturday night, not sure though. my weekend is a blurr. im losing my mind, my hopes, and my dreams. Very stressed right now and its bringing the worst in me out. give me some feed back I am all wrong and they're always right I try to be strong but I'm too weak to fight No matter how I try to get out and close the door It gets harder and I just hurt myself even more I try to hide all the pain that I know I try to smile, but through my eyes, the sorrow shows I keep on pretending that I'm alright But all I do is keep everything bottled inside I have fought so hard and I thought I've won Only to find out the war has just begun There's too much pain that can't be erased Now I can't seem to find my place I feel so alone in my so-called life I am lost, I am helpless and I'm frozen inside My hopes and dreams are blowing away with the wind I just want to live and breathe again I have fallen, but don't take my wings away I am broken but I will fly someday.

You're on a runaway train Unrecognizable as a friend Addiction a crazed conductor Ushering you to the end Your fellow passengers are strangers With fistfulls of pills They will lead you to a death Florid with ills The train is in a tunnel Lack of light affects your mind You think you see everything When really you're blind By the time you tried to leave The exit light had burnt Other passengers laughed at you The train had turnt The end of the track Was a half mile ahead They had taken their final hits They went smiling to bed Such ugly wreckage Twisted metal, shattered bone So few of the victims Ever return home We are the survivors The family, the friends Our highest stakes in a drug war That will never end.

Suicide Dreams Smoke me, Drink me, Take me in. I am the one, You know as SIN. Ravage me,Kill me, Kill me again. Lost,Confused, Tormented with despair. You would be the one, To think I actually care. Enjoy this pain, Addiction, And lust. Remember I am the one, You can always trust. Now sleep,Close your eyes. And remember again, Tomorrow, I will be your only friend.

this is a few years ago, doesnt reflect me now but just another one of my poems. enjoy. leave me feed back if you want Tonight I End My Life It seems I'm living in a different world; Everyone else is in their place. They sweep by me like I'm invisible, Without a hint of grace. End it fast; end it now, So I can leave this place. I want to finish my misery, Let someone else take my place. Do I seem stupid? Do I seem dumb? Not quite, and yet I am alone. Like personality isn't good enough. I can't go through life on my own. The time is now, the time is right, Its time to get rid of my strife. I'll do it tonight, when no one is home. Tonight I end my life.

Pace yoourself, There's a lot ahead. So don't you worry Your poor little head. There are songs to sing, Poems to write. And lovers to Kiss goodnight. Pace yourself, There's a lot ahead. So don't you worry your poor little head. There are dances to dance. Crying to be done, and times to have your fun. Pace yourself, There's a lot ahead. So don't you worry Your poor little head. There are tests to pass and some to fail. Hearts will be broken, so don't be frail. Pace yourself, There's a lot ahead. So don't you worry, Your poor little head. There'll be friends to make, and friends to lose. Decisions you'll eventually Have to choose. Pace yourself, There's a lot ahead. So don't you worry, Your poor little head. You'll make mistakes. You'll shead many tears. You'll do things wrong. You'll conquer your fears. Pace yourself, There's a lot ahead. So don't you worry, Your poor little head. But one day at a time. One step not two. Just take a deep breath And you can start brand new Pace yourself, There's a lot ahead. So don't you worry Your poor little head.

I'm leaving now to slay the foe, fight my battles high and low. I'm leaving mother, hear me go. Please wish me luck today. I've grown my wings, It's my time to fly, To seize my victories, where they lie. I'm going now mother Please don't cry Just leave me be to find my way I want to see and touch. I want to hear. Though there maybe many dangerous, there are only a few fears I'll smile my smiles, I'll dry my own tears. Please let me speak my say I'm off to find my world and dreams Carve my niche, and sew my seams. Just remember though, as I sail the many streams I'll be missing and loving you Each and every day

I wrote this a few years ago, when i was still going in and out of rehab. My father had already past and I remember my mom always blaming herself and I had no other way to tell her that its not her fault. That she was a good mother and didnt do anything wrong. But enjoy... Hope yall like ITS CALLED... MOM Mom I love you more than you think, although I know my life continues to sink. But please understand I am fighting a hard fight, and what you don't know is the tears I cry at night. I am not proud of what I have become, and definitely not proud of the things I have done. I never meant to worry you so much, and I know for fact it has been a bunch. Although I treat you as if I don't care, my guilt inside is so much to bare. I feel so much pain for what I have done, but I could never explain this person I have become. I drive you crazy and cause you stress, and I should start giving you all my best. You tried so hard to teach me wrong from right, and I want to tell you this very night. You’ve done a great job as my mother, and I would never exchange you for another. I do not blame you for the things do, The few good that remains I give thanks to you. You set good examples for us to follow, it is our own fault that in the mud we wallow. If I would have only listened to your advice, I wouldn't be living an addicts life. I want to thank you for always being there, and believe me when I say I really do care. You are a wonderful women in my eyes, and nothing you could do would change my mind.

When you've cried all your tears Are you out of the pain Or deep in your soul Does a remnant remain Do the tears of the moment Wash the slate clean Or way down inside Is the pain there unseen Yes, the remnant remains forever a part Of the unconscious mind or the soul or the heart Uninvited it returns again and again When remembering the cause of that terrible pain Who knows but you that it is there Not many are that wise Because we often will put forth Such a perfect disguise Tears for the moment may offer relief From the hurt and pain of a past grief And time alone may lessen the pain But always a remnant will remai

Sounds of Silent Tears Too many miles in between Two hearts frozen as one Trying to beat a game Thats already been won Needing to remember Wanting to feel The love once shared The distance will kill Praying for a mairacle Putting up a fight Thinking love is true Knowing theirs is right Unanswered prayers Open up their eyes Love crashes before them The hope they had slowly dies A love like theirs Wasnt meant to endure She'll never forget him And he'll always cherish her Too many miles in between Too many unspoken fears Two soulmates lost In the Sound of silent tears

so yeah before i moved to florida i had a huge drug problem and almost died because of it a few times. i have been clean almost a year and a half and i wrote this about a year ago when i had 6 months clean so enjoy and gimme some feedback A DAY WITHOUT ADDICTION Now I lay me down to sleep. And thank the Lord for keeping me, another day without the need to turn to my addiction In the morning I will pray for wisdom In sorting out the facts from fiction Lord I'm just asking you for another day Without my addiction I thought I was all alone all those hard nights that no one could hear me when I cried But that was just one more lie That I learn from my addiction In the morning I will pray for wisdom In sorting out the facts from fiction Lord I'm just asking you for another day Without my addiction Love has always required proof Until I started loving you Patiently you walk me through a day without my addiction In the morning I will pray for wisdom In sorting out the facts from fiction Lord I'm just asking you for another day without my addiction Now i lay me down to sleep and thank the Lord for another day that you've blessed A day without my addiction In the morning I will pray for wisdom In sorting out the facts from fiction Lord I'm just asking you for another day Free from my addiction