DJ Woosah's blog: "SOAPBOX"

1 . Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 9. An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at. 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!!! 13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel. 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!" 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Of course it sank. This proved once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 18. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other went to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends hoping that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

1-People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V... remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses! 5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. 6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. 8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? 9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

99 things bout myself 1. Full Name: Allen R Croom 2. Nicknames: OI, here we go...Asshole, Capt Crunch, Daddy Gorilla, Jarhead, Devildog, Sah 3. Birthday: August 5 4. Place of Birth: Florrisant 5. Zodiac Sign: Leo 6. Male or female: Male 7. Grade: graduated 1998 8. School: none at the moment 9. Occupation: Disabled Vet 10. Residence: Hell, rofl, j/k, Highland 11. MSN Screen Name: Woosah __Your Appearance___ 12. Hair Colour: Brownish Blond 13. Hair Length: Really short 14. Eye colour: Blue 15. Weight: 155 16. Height: 5'10" 17. Braces? Nope 18. Glasses? Yes 19. Piercings: 0, but i had my tongue pierced at one time 20. Tattoos: 2 quarter sleeves 21. Righty or Lefty: Righty ___Your 'Firsts'___ 22. First best friend: Skip 23. First Award: 1st place in a pumpkin decorating contest in 3rd grade 24. First Sport You Joined: Channel surfing 25. First pet: A dog name Deseree 26. First Real Vacation: never had one, several road trips out of boredom, but no real vacation yet 27. First Concert: I was in choir up until High School, don't remember my first concert, rofl 28. First Love: Sarah ___ Favourites___ 29. film: Oh gawd, there are so many...but i'll go with either Billy Jack, Fight Club, or Boondock Saints 30. TV programme: Jeopardy 31. Colour: Black, Blue and Red 32. Rapper: The one on a Snickers Bar 33. Band: The Moody Blues 34. Song Right Now: Attack or Story by 30 Seconds to Mars 35. Friend: AJ, Dustin, Megan, Bella, Jen...and so many more..mwah 36. Sweet: CHOCOLATE 37. Sport to Play: Bedroom wrestling, rofl 38. Restaurant: O'Charlies 39. Favourite brand: Flannel 40. Store: Spencers and Hot Topic 41. School Subject: English 42. Animal: Horse 43. Book: Hitchikers' Guide To The Galaxy 44. Magazine: none 45. Shoes: Lugz ___Currently___ 46. Feeling: Horny 47. Single or Taken? Neither 48. Have a crush: Not exactly 49. Eating: No 50. Drinking: No 51. Typing: This 52. Online? Hmmmmm YES! <-- lol 53. Listening To: Little Ally - Fire Department 54. Thinking About: Too much 55. Wanting To: Right here where I am 56. Watching: Computer Screen 57. Wearing: Black T-Shirt and blue jeans ___Your Future___ 58. Want Kids? At least one more 59. Want to be married? Undecided 60. Careers in Mind: Teacher or Counceler 61. Where do you want to live: In the mountains 62. Car: PT Cruiser __Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___ 63. Hair colour: Blonde 64. Hair length: Not super long, but not bald either. 65. Eye colour: I'm a sucker for blue ;) 66. Measurments: Proportionate 67. Cute or Sexy: Cute 68. Lips or Eyes: Eyes 69. Hugs or Kisses: Both 70. Short or Tall: Taller than me. 71. Easygoing or serious: Easy going more so. 72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both 73. Fatty or Skinny: In between 74. Sensitive or Loud: Both 75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship 76. Sweet or Caring: Both 77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: I Love trouble =) so maybe someone more hesitant lol. ----------Have you ever------------ 78. Kissed a Stranger: No 79. Had Alcohol: Yes 80. Been in a police station: yes 81. Ran Away From Home: Yes 82. Broken a bone: Chipped my ankle, but not actually broke it 83. Got an X-ray: Yes 84. Been with someone: well duh! 85. Broken Someone’s Heart: yes, not proud of it either. 86. Broke Up With Someone: yes 87. Cried When Someone Died: Yes 88. Cried At School: Yes ___Do You Believe In___ 89. God: Kinda 90. Miracles: Yes 91. Love At First sight: Yes 92. Ghosts: Yes 93. Aliens: we're being invaded right now! =P~ 94. Soul: yes 96. Hell: Yes 97. Angels: Yes 98. Kissing on The First Date: Maybe, depends on how well the date goes 99. Horoscopes: Sometimes

A few people have asked about, but found it difficult to find my ACTUAL blogspot (http://mybiteisworsethanmybark.blogspot.com) I figured I'd repost it here...(feel free to copy this, but if you don't understand it, then you probably have no reason to use it) Dear You, I know you. The shape of your face, the color of you eyes, the smell of your hair, and the touch of your skin are no strangers to me. I see you everyday; somedays we even talk for hours and I hang on every word. There have been times that you have asked such questions as: Who am I? What am I doing? Where am I going? and even, Why am I here? Each time you ask me something though, you never let me answer. My words get drowned out by your own thoughts. I try doing things for you but you won't let me. I speak and you don't listen. When you laugh, I smile. When you cry, I weep. I die a little each time you hurt, but your happiness brings me back. I could extinguish the flames of Hell for you. I could part the Heavens so that the stars shine just for you. I could do all this and more if you would only let me. Without you, I couldn't see. Without you, I couldn't hear. Without you, I couldn't feel or breathe. Without you, there would be no me. I was nothing before you, and I'll return to nothing once you've gone. You have brought me everything, yet given me nothing. Nothing I do or say seems to matter to you. I just hope you remember that I love you, and that I'm NEVER more than a thought away. Sincerely, Me This letter has more meaning than most people who read it will ever know.