It's been 2 and 1/2 weeks since my wife died and I miss her SO much I think I'm going to go insane. We met on the steps of our high school on a January day, I think it was the 12th, we were 15 years old and we were together ever since. She would've had her 50th birthday the 27th of this month.
Cathy had a small stroke, a TIA, October 26 and lost some vision in her right eye. Then 90 days later in January she had another one this one was worse. It affected her speech and right arm. Our local hospital sent her to Barnes Hospital in St.Louis, Mo. and while they were checking on the damage done by the stroke a CAT scan showed a tumor in her neck. Now she had recovered almost 100% from the stroke but another CAT scan showed tumors on both sides of the neck, left collar bone, bronchi in the lungs, stomach, liver and lymph nodes. Her cancer fell into the 15% that can't be identified as to where it started (occult primary)but we suspected the stomach. She came home for a week then we met with an Oncologist who wanted to do further testing to and see about chemo therapy. While eating dinner her 3rd day there she had a 3rd stroke and lost more vision. She decided not to take chemo therapy since the cancer was so far advanced and heavily involved. Even the Dr. said it would be very very rough, drastic treatments.
I had become unemployed the week before Christmas 2006 which seems to have been a blessing in disguise since it allowed me to care for her 24/7 until her death. Doing the best I could just wasn't enough so we contacted a Hospice. On their advice we did take a few days to get away together, we went to Las Vegas. We returned from Las Vegas on March 9th and she began going downhill quickly. With the help of the hospice people I was able to continue her care.
I did everything I could but I couldn't make it go away. I didn't want her to die but I couldn't stop it. I don't know how to go on without her. We loved each other so deeply for so long it's like we became one person named Jeff&Cathy. Now I'm half dead. Who am I without Cathy? I don't know.
