Chance's blog: "Short Stories"

from the darkness and the fire burned deep with in hides a secret a secret of time that cannot be concealed by fate lost for eternity it may seem such a secret longs to be set free and burn so purely through the heart but hidden it shall remain for now. smoldered by a chilling rain a fire that refuses to die smolders blackening lungs with it's smoke of despair and failing hope. winding through like vines on a tree destiny twists an untold story with no fathomable end. wittled to the core searching through the ice for a shard of truth upon the broken glass of the mirror that holds blood with in of a thousand dead and twice as many dying. shifting through the sands beginning to sink further grasping for a branch nearby to pull out from the pit of eternal slumber. cutting the brain for thoughts, means of escape tearing the heart desperate for answers to a hidden question or perhaps searching for the question already holding the answer unsure uncertain confused and lost in a sense of nothingness. missing the time again, feeling forgotten and unimportant drifting in eternal sleep and dying towards the day. longing for the queen of black and red the hidden card of cards piercing the deepest dream in the deepest need abandoning at the last moment though you'd give your life to save such dark beauty alone you shall remain. alone to wander the earth lost with out feeling with out truth with out care but for those few moments of need that leave you once again alone and useless in the end. wondering if here you shall remain for eternity chained and whipped with tantalizing and whilting hope. with out enough care to even beg for an end.

a dark shadow filtered through the night haunting pounding through the soul through the deadly silence bringing with it's demons of terror but the need for something more something deeper and meaningful a love hiding in the trees perhaps behind the veil of death suffering a thousand deaths oh the horror she has seen that's almost too much for my mortal soul to take yet i can't let her go though i seem to afraid to find her to bring her to me yet time and time again i try to push past the fear and hold on so tight that her touch will brush against me and her face will come to life a few brief moments let me know she's there that she cares always for me yet still i lose mysef falling further and further away from her each year beginning to run away yet longing to run into her arms begging her to hold me yet running to others less pure less pain less truth hell is in her eyes and fire in her heart yet i cannot bear to know her suffering if only to free her and free my own soul from this endless fall alone fall to hell with her crash and burn in her arms torment torture deadly sins would be worth to know her love for eternity my own happiness my very sanity worth losing if only to be by her side for the love of an angel a demon of hell a darkened angel who's fallen so deep that only she could love me my heart bleeds out yet my strength fails i would tread the coals of hell if only i knew she was real not just a figment of my imagination a ghost created to protect me when reality is too hard to see if dreams could be a reality but the death i see so often tearing at my soul it haunts me to see my sometimes pleasurable feel in the thought of destroying others to cut the flesh rip limb from limb hacking through the bone sending blood splattering through the air my life is tainted by fear yet i know not of what i fear but every action every movement every second is filled with a fear every touch of the souls around me of the emotions causes my heart to speed anger swells in my heart with the longing to destroy becoming anxious biting my tongue trying to hold back the demon burned inside of me i'm born for destruction chaos yet understand not why as if i've fought through a thousand lives fed on adrenaline and anger that i no longer know how to block out the hatred of the souls around me at times wishing my own emotions made some sense wondering how they change as they do darling if you love me if this is not just some torment to drag me through an agonizing hell and leave me alone if you long to find me and not to simply destroy all that i've ever had than i will fight through death for you if you love me than push me through the pain and fear drag me kicking and screaming unmercifully if you must until your arms wrap around me but darling if you love me don't let me go i miss you no matter how much it hurts to feel your presence no matter how much pain is in your heart no matter how much it kills me to try to wash away a thousand lives of pain and death that you've seen darling i miss you come home my love my ghost my angel my darkness my light all that you are all that i need burned into the edges of time through a winding river that's never ending to the gates of hall and through the garden of eden to a palace of two that become one internally the devil himself will not break darling if you are real touch my soul don't let it go hold so tight until i can't breathe dead or alive where ever you are hold me tight my dream my vision my savior my destroyer my all beautiful the ugliest part of me and the most cherished lay down with me upon our crimson sheets in our darkness together alone as one burn the fire low cast a shadow on my wall shine your image to me and touch my hand my heart my need tonight i close my shallow mind and open as deep as i can find the strength to with stand in my deepest fear i will search to find you once more i will close the surface and beg to the gods of the undead and pray for you to see whispering my fearful truth and love for you begging you appear past my beating heart reaching out into the darkness longing to touch your soul asking of you if you're there if you hear me begging of you to appear once more i search for you hoping we both search strongly enough to find as i know you miss and need me as i need you don't give in my love to less than all we have to give my broken and shattered heart the little that remains longs for your touch take my hand follow me or lead where ever you go i shall follow there is no heaven with out your eyes there is no hell worth believing there is nothing worth living or dying for with out you live or die you're worth it all but with out you there is nothing but an empty void that i care nothing for with you everything is beautiful painful joyeous worth feeling and living with out you it matters not whither fade and die take my plea to heart and find me here tonight my darkest dream je t'aime ti amo mon amourt je te donne mon couere ich liebe dich sei in mia couere no words will find you but only silence dead silence and truth we will both know when it's found who ever whatever you may be if you have heard my name seen my face i pray you see my soul and i see yours before we forget what we've always had danse avec moi ma belle

I'm going to add more to this later and edit it, but i have to baby sit and the kids will be here soon, so this is what i've gotten so far anyways.. ..Outside of a gas station window cars fill the parking lot and every pump contains a customer in want of fuel. Ice and a hardened remenence of the previous days snow fall remain as a frozen reminder of the bitter cold. Tauntingly the sun peaks over the hills giving a false sense of warmth. It is December and the world has become a newly bitter place. Lines of customers bombard the cashier with purchases all in a hurry to get back in there cars and warm there frozen hands. An abnoxious beeping sound constantly splits the air to notify the cashier of yet another gasoline purchase he must authorize. Money comes and goes leaving a hundred hands. Ladies and teenagers, boys and girls all want something and he is the only one to provide. As a bus pulls into the parking lot dozens of hockey players pour through the doors to add to the already overflowing line. Sodas and snacks are purchased to make the office happy. Money is what they want and give as little as they can back to those who earn. The working class seems forgotten and minimum wage barely gets those by who require it to pay the bills and groceries. For teens in school it's a great bonus to there allowance which they can spend at the mall, but for those who depend upon it at there only means of support it's barely just enough. Suddenly the slowly moving line comes to an abrupt hault as a lady begins to argue about her change. Even though her 20 which she gave to pay for her purchase is sitting on top of the register she argues that she paid with 50 dollars. After calmly showing her the twenty and trying to convince her that he hadn't wronged her the cashier prepares to call the cops. Politely he asks the customer to leave telling her if she doesn't he'll be forced to phone the police. As if these were the magic words she reaches into her pocket pulling out a knife. Lunging at the cashier she digs the knife into his shoulder just above his heart. Pushing the cashier to get him out of the way she grabs her twenty and what she can quickly from the register. "That's what you get for working her," she screams as she sprints out the door in a wild frenzy nearly missing a car. Grasping the stab wound the cashier begins to lose his balance feeling his waning strength. Darkness started to creap over his eyes though he faught to keep conscious and sort things out. One of the customers yelled for someone to call 911 and finally a man rushed to the pay phone. Finding her way behind the counter a woman with dark hair and a calm nature laid the cashier on the floor. Emerald eyes came in and out of focus as he struggled to keep his eyes open and she started to caress his face telling him it would be ok. Taking a deep breath she bent down and put her lips against his blowing steadily into his mouth. A tingling feeling hit the back of his throat and his head began to float. It felt as if little particles of dust were floating into his system and mending the wound upon his chest. Closing his eyes he let himself be consumed as an image formed in his mind. If he were to be in a fairy tale then what he saw before him was what he would expect. Meadows of sweet grass flowed over medows and hills and unicorns wandered freely. Pure blue water flowed in a river twisting it's way through the land so peaceful that it appeared to be free of movement. After what could have been years for all thought of time had vanished the girl appeared in the image wearing a white gown that blew gently in the breaze. As she came closer the land started to fade gradually until she was touching his face and he awoke once more to see her looking down upon him. This time how ever he wasn't in the gas station but on a bed. Red curtains were wrapped around the bed except for the side on which this strange lady sat. Looking up at her questionly she softly spoke "You'll feel completely better after a night of rest."

Austin sat in his room while the wind began to howl. Such energy whirled around yet none of it reached his soul the way it used to. Disconnection with the energies of the outside world were beginning to leave him exhausted yet unable to sleep. Still sitting Austin brushed his medium length black hair out of his eyes. Some would call him a goth but in truth he was nothing or so he thought. Wearing all black was ussual for him and depression seemed common these days but the label was bothersome. For some reason no matter how much he longed to be a part of something he hated to feel categorized or even be part of things. Social anxieties had often weighted him down and being in large groups was more pain then it was worth. Funny when you want something but hide from it because it seems to only bring you pain. It seemed to him that life was one big circle. If you get something you want it ends up not being what you want and when you find something that makes you happy it goes wrong. Ussually the stereo would be on but for the moment there was just the sound of wind and rain beating against his window. Staring outside he noticed the way trees violently danced back and fourth as if afraid, terrified even. What could they be so afraid of that would make them move at such a frantic pace? It didn't take long for his train of thought to leave as his creative side had seemingly vanished or at least weakened from his lack of energy or perhaps it was motivation. Now he began to ponder this new thought trying to figure out what was going on inside of him. For hours he would ponder and now he didn't for more then a glimpse of a moment. Pondering why he didn't ponder anymore he suddenly stopped and went blank for another minute. Soon as it seemed a new thought might appear, a thought which he seemed to be half searching for the phone began to ring interrupting his search of something, anything. After a few rings someone answered and with in minutes his mother was calling up from down stairs to tell him it was for him. A phone call? Who would be calling him? It seemed years since anyone had cared enough to call not to say that was anyone's fault but his own. On the other line was a voice that seemed enchantingly familiar and yet at the same time locked too far away in his memory to recollect. A soothing female voice spoke on the other line with a hint of nervous unease and asked him if he could meet her at the park. Unable to comprehend he said sure and told her he'd be waiting at the bench in fifteen minutes. Going upstairs to get his jacket Ausin told his mother he'd be back shortly and that he was going for a walk. "In this wheather? Are you insane?" she replied "It's not that bad, besides I like walking in the rain," he responded with no enthusiasm or worry in his voice. "Alright, if you want to. You're the one who's going to freaze." There was no use trying to be the worried mother to a seventeen year old boy who would never take advice anyways. Outside cast him into a chaotic dark world that made the hairs rise on his neck. Shivering he pulled his leather jacket tightly around him hunching trying to get his neck and ears covered knowing it was no use. Why hadn't he thought to grab a better jacket for such wheather? Out of habit and liking his leather jacket the most he made the mistake of wearing it on days that called for different attire. But, then he was never one to worry too much about suffering. Walking seemed to make his mind start to work again at least more then in the past few weeks and he was so consumed that it took a minute before he realized where he was going. It was right before passing the entrance to the park that he remembered and suddenly started to wonder why he was there. Twisted so that you couldn't read the words the park sign was beaten down by the wind carelessly hanging on the fence as he walked through the small entrance. Trees looked ready to fall and in some places large branches had broken or bent far anough that they practically touched the ground. Swings were violently swaying on the playground making him think of what would be a mother's worse nightmare. In some ways it was the playground of hell. Near the far side of the park where there was a clearing in the trees a man or so he assumed stood covered in a rain coat. What else he wore was indistinct through the blur of wind and rain, but it was clear his full body was concealed. Next to him was another figure shorter perhaps 5'7 or 5'8 her dress was less fit for the wheather then her companion. Wearing a black skirt and a tank top she seemed all but freazing in the storm but stood stalk still not even wrapping her arms around for warmth. The girl seemed to consume him with her long dark hair blowing in the wind. Something about the image seemed magical even dream like to him. In fact he started to wonder if it was a dream because the cold of the wind and the chill of the rain suddenly became an indistinct sense. Maybe it was the wheather causing him to be in such a dream like state, but with out even really fearing what would happen to him he made his way over to the clearing. Getting close his heart began to freaze creating a cold icy chill that ran through his veins. Once he was with in yards of the girl the man vanished to end up behind him. Something hard pressed into Austin's back and a low voice told him to slowly move forward. Doing as he was told and remaining silent he was next commanded get one his knees. Kneeling inches from the girl he looked down so as not to offend her with the placement of his head but the man only pulled his hair so that he stood staring directly into her skirt. Once recognizing the legs infront of him Austin cautiously moved his hand and gently caressed the girl's leg soothingly to let her know it would be alright. Feeling a blow to the head he fell to the ground starting to drift in and out of consciousness. Trying to get up only brought a boot down hard against his back leaving him helpless and bewildered. The tase of mud filled his mouth and his clothes were drenched adding to the feeling of miserable helplessness. Even believing himself to be in a dream the ability to figure out what to do was unavailable. Sobs became just audible over the howling wind and the words "I'm sorry," just barely grazed his ears. Being dragged up by his shirt Austin came face to face with the girl who's tears must have been flowing though they were covered by rain flowing down her face. Putting his hand to her cold cheek he looked deeply into her eyes. Elizabeth had been gone for over a year now and he'd put her memory away as a dream long ago. She had left him and after months of trying to make things better she still refused to speak to him. Finally he had given up putting him into the worse place he had ever been. Never had he stopped loving her but all of his strength to be anything more had left him a shattered shell. Months had gone by and every few nights he would dream of her reminding him the way his heart longed, until now he never thought he would see her again. With out even thinking he kicked back hard hitting the man straight in the crotch. Turning around he grabbed the gun from the ground and pointed it at the crumpled figure. Putting his arm around Elizabeth's waiste he started to back out of the park never taking his eyes from the stranger. Clinging closely Elizabeth remained quiet squeezing Austin tighter still shaking with a mix of fear and cold. Noticing her shivers Austin took off his jacket switching hands with the gun to keep it ready and handed it to her against her silent refusals putting it on her shoulds and wrapping it around her. Looking away for a second he kissed her wet cheek and closed his eyes for a slight moment savoring the feeling of her in his arms once more. The journey home was mixed with both pleasure and fear. Too much was swimming through his mind and heart to even try and speak so silence between the two was savored as they both seemed to look back and fourth jumping at every sight of movement. By the time they rached Austin's house his parents were in bed so quietly they went up to his room. Taking of Elizabeth's wet clothes he laid her on the bed and then took of his own soaked clothing. Bringing the blankets up around them he held her naked body close feeling the moisture of rain and the heat of her soft flesh against his. Caressing her face he began to kiss her neck and body frantically squeezing her tightly over and over again. .... still not done, but once again done for now.

As the world begins to blur together into a haze of tired insomnia I start to wonder where I am. When I first laid my head down my stereo was on and the moon glowed outside the window. Now two hours later as I lay hear staring something seems very wrong. Instead of my window with the stars shining outside and the bed which becomes my prison through each night, I find myself staring at a white brick wall and feel the cold of metal around my left wrist noticing that I’m chained to a metal ring on the wall. A soft light illuminates the room enough to see there’s a dead body that lies in the middle and mirrors on the adjacent wall to where I’m chained. Next to the mirrors is a rusty metal door painted an ugly green that I assume is locked. Trying to stand up my head begins to swim as though I’d just had a long night of partying or taken a heavy dose of some drug that my body wasn’t prepared to handle. Almost falling I grab the metal ring on the wall for support and stand hunched over panting slightly trying to catch my breath. After letting my mind clear a little I began to try and analyze the situation to find a way out of the strange predicament that has befallen me. Perhaps I was asleep which seemed the most logical because such morbid things were not uncommon in my nightly routine of one to two hours of sleep if such a half-awake daze could be called sleep. Slowly beginning to regain my senses an overpowering stench filled my nostrils that I could only assume was that of death. Observing the poor sap which lay on the floor I saw he clutched a piece of paper in his hand with drops of blood that must have slid down his wrist where a small saw still lay: his fingers limply curled around the handle. Still half believing I was in the middle of a dream I tried to imagine my chains were gone and create a story line to the room imprisoning me. Several minutes of mentally wishing my bondages gone I finally gave up realizing that each sense was too realistic and too overwhelming to be a falsity of dream. There was no willing this away it would take true strength and problem solving. First I had to figure out what was going on and why so as to figure out the best course of action, but it made no sense to me other then some freak decided to randomly kidnap me and lock me in here for no reason more then his own twisted pleasures in seeing me tortured. So many times I’ve thought of such a scenario but it just seemed pointless and wrong with out the hidden act of love behind the suffering. If there was a reason to fight to give me the will power it would all seem worth it, but now I start to dread the thought of whatever lay ahead hoping only for an instant death. Maybe that’s why I’m here because for so long I have thought of and pretended to long for death. I say pretend because it is not what I have wished but a mere escape from wanting what life has seemingly denied me to ever have again. If who ever this is plans on me killing myself like the man who bleeds all over the floor then he is sadly mistaken. Many times the thought has crossed my mind even to the point of obsession but there’s no point anymore in pretending I have the strength or care to die. Emotions are too void in my decaying soul to feel strongly enough to do a deed as great as the ending of my own life. It seems that I can neither live nor die stuck somewhere in between. No, if I am expected to die it will be at the hands of another and just as well because it seems to me it could be a blessing to have one end what I will not do myself. After looking around and pondering the situation debating what to do it doesn’t take long until I decide I just don’t care and give into just sitting there staring at the floor waiting for whatever end to come. Leaning against the wall I close my eyes letting sleep cast over me. It must not have pleased my captor too much because after only a few minutes of rest the door opened and a man in a Halloween mask that looked a lot like Freddy Cruiger unlocked the door and entered. Tugging on what appeared to be a chain he dragged a girl forward and through her in the room. Upon her face was a brown sack of some sort of cloth material such as they would use in the olden days for potatoes. Her hands were chained behind her back and it sounded as though her mouth was gagged. The only advantage she seemed to have was that her feet were not bound and she was free to move around the room at will. “Over here,” I whispered loud enough for her to hear me. “Make your way to me and I’ll help you out of your sack. Just follow my voice. Go forward, a little to your right. Careful you’re going to run into the wall.” She began to run her hand along the wall. “That’s it follow the wall and it’ll bring you to me.” When she got close enough to me I reached out putting a hand on her shoulder and guiding her close enough to take the bag off of her head. Proceeding to take her gag off I noticed a tear trickling down her cheek. Sobbing she looked at me with fear in her eyes. There seemed nothing I could say to comfort her because I knew that words were no use in this situation. Lies would never do anything. Once her gag was loose I took her in my arms and whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry Hannah. I still love you and I’m here.” It seems I was beaten at my game of having no emotion or caring what happened. It had been years since this girl had spoken to me let alone been near but someone knew my weakness. How could he know after all these years that she would leave me powerless by filling my heart with too much need to function properly? Though he had found my one weakness he also gave me the greatest power possible and the greatest reason I could ever have for anything. Love is a double edged sword and now I would do anything to get at least one out of this room alive. With in an instant of seeing her face I could take the saw from the dead man’s hand and cut straight through both my arms if it would keep her safe. How quickly our feelings and state of mind may change. “Hannah can you walk over and kick that saw to me?” I asked her caressing the long black hair out of her eyes. Looking at the body she began to burst into tears. “Why is this happening? I can’t do it, I can’t take this.” Her tears flowed harder and her voice began to shake as did her body. “Its ok sweetie we’ll get through this together. I love you and I’ll die before I let anything happen to you.” I thought to myself that I probably would die for her and not too far in the future from now. “I just want to wake up. I don’t want to be here anymore. The things he made me watch were horrible. He forced me to I can’t even speak it,” So much pain was pouring out and all I could do was hold her close and tell her it would be ok though I knew not if it would be. “If you kick me the saw I might be able to get us out of here. Please sweetie I know it’s hard but we have to be strong and find a way to get through this. I’ve spent the list five years of my life missing you I’m not about to let you go again with out a fight.” “He told me you wouldn’t care. That you were too lost to save me this time and would just fail like you failed to keep me happy. He said that you would fill my head with promises you couldn’t keep.” “Hannah I love you. I told you I’d always love you and yet you never believed me. For five years you’ve refused to talk to me and for five years I’ve been haunted by you every night I go to sleep. No matter how hard I’ve tried to erase you and become nothing whenever anything has lived inside of me it’s been you. I couldn’t stop loving you even if I tried. I told you I’d be there in the end and here I am. Do you not understand now? If I must slit my wrist open for you or stab a knife into my heart I will. There’s no doubt in my mind I will do whatever is required for you, but I would like to get us both out of here alive or at least be able to guarantee your safety before my life is taken.” Holding me closely she cried into my shoulder and whispered that she was sorry. “I’m sorry, I love you I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Once getting her to bring the saw to me I continued to attempt to break my chains though it seemed useless with out a proper metal saw. It was some sick twisted game out of a cheap horror movie I’d seen once. How many losers out there do this kind of thing just because it’s almost Halloween? Actually now that I think about it tonight is Halloween, how convenient that I must die on the holiday that once was my favorite and with the one I’ve always longed to spend it with. But, there’s no time for being negative now I must get us out of here somehow. “Hannah I want you to close your eyes and ignore any sounds of pain that I make, I promise things are going to be alright. Just don’t worry about me ok?” I told her seriously but with a soft tone caressing her face and looking into her deep blue eyes. “What are you going to do?” she asked worried with a shot of fear flashing through her eyes. “Just trust me. Close your eyes. It’s going to be ok,” I held her tight whispering in her ear, “I promise.” Making sure her eyes are fully closed I pick up the saw in my right hand setting it against my wrist. Thinking back to some movies I’d seen before I tear of a piece of my shirt wrapping it just above the cuff. Looking one more time at my beloved and thinking how much I loved her I run the saw along my flesh feeling it burn. Tempted to scream out in pain I bite into my arm. Obviously going slow won’t be strong enough to cut through so I take a few deep breaths and start sawing at a rapid past. Imagining the man holding a gun to Hannah’s head and letting the emotions of years apart flood through me, it begins to block out the pain giving me that romantic high she used to always fill me with. Losing my self in thoughts and looking at her I suddenly notice I’ve made it half way through the bone. Almost there and everything will be ok you love her don’t give up now. Be stronger then before. Suddenly Hannah starts screaming “Oh my god! What are you doing? Don’t hurt yourself oh my god please stop!” she was hysterical but I knew I couldn’t stop. Not now. “It’s ok it’s almost over and we’ll get out of her.” “What do you mean it’ll be ok? You’re sawing your arm off,” tears were streaming down her face “Don’t do this, god I just want to wake up.” Finally getting through the bone I tear more of my shirt off wrapping the wound as best I can. Next I wrap the torn hand in hopes it can somehow be put back on if only I could get to a hospital. Now it’s time to figure out a way out of this mess. Holding Hannah with my one good arm I begin to fall only being supported by her body. Blood loss begins to take its toll on me making my face go white and my brain hazy. Too much longer and I may not have the strength to get her through this. I have to be strong I tell myself forcing my feet to straighten. With all the strength I can manage I make my way to the door to check if it’s locked. It seems this monster was not as smart as he’d like to believe. Obviously he didn’t expect me to get out of my chains alive and has left the door unlocked or perhaps it was when he threw in Hannah that he simply forgot to re lock the door. Calling Hannah to me she follows and I look around outside the door trying to figure out which way to go. Luckily there’s only a path leading left so putting my arm around her for support and to feel her near we begin making our way down a gloomy hall. Not far from the door is a stair case leading up with rusted railings and stairs that are all but falling apart. Since stairs lead up and away from the ground it seems most logical to remain on this floor so we keep going making a guess and going through just to the right of the bottom of the stairs. “Oh my god,” Hannah put her hands over her mouth Hanging from the wall is a man just barely recognizable. From his chest are metal rings stuck through the skin and attached to the ceiling with chains, reminding me of an old Indian ritual. Through his face are hundreds of sewing pins arranged into pentagrams on each of his cheek. Along his naked body are cut marks that look as though they were made from a whip. On his stomach writing was carved into the flesh “I will never rape children again,” read the words. Bellow his waist where manhood should be was a shredded member and on a table lays an odd looking device that must have caused such a horrible sight. Rushing out of the room we start to go in our original direction finding another doorway which leads to another hall. Suddenly it seems almost as though we’re in a school with doors on each side. Windows show into each room but blinds keep eyes from looking in. What more terrifying sights live with in this building of hell? Is that where we are? Did I do something so wrong in life that would bring me and the one I love to such and end? Could I not have been the only to suffer? Being hit in the back by something hard I fall to the ground. Trying to push myself up with my one good hand I get kicked knocking me flat to the ground. Seeing my assailant’s feet I reach out grabbing his ankle and trip him. Trying to regain my senses I prepare for a fight. Hearing Hannah’s cries gives me a burst of adrenaline lifting my self up. The man with the mask rushes at me with a bat, so I begin to sprint at him catching him off guard and knocking him to the ground. All those years of football at least made me good at something useful. Grabbing the bat with my good hand I start to swing it towards his body. Using his hands he tries to grab the bat and pull it away from me but with a hard strike I hit him square between the legs. Next I start smashing his face in as hard as I can watching blood begin to squirt all the while Hannah’s screams filling the air. Setting the bat down and leaning over trying to catch my breath, all that’s left of his face is a disfigured mass of broken bones. Even if he were still alive he’s not going anywhere. With Hannah’s help we make our way through the building finding our way outside to find ourselves in an abandoned alleyway in god knows where. Clinging to her barely able to walk, Hannah and I find a gas station and ask to use the phone. “We need to use your phone, it’s an emergency,” Hannah pleads with the employee at the counter. “There’s a pay phone in back but this one is only for store use. I’m sorry.” “There’s no time for that!” Hannah begins screaming, “Can’t you see his arm is cut off? We need an ambulance or he is going to die.” Suddenly my strength begins to fail me and dizziness over comes me as everything turns black. How long went by I have no idea, but waking up I see white lights and look up to see doctor’s over me. By my other side stands Hannah watching over me with salt dripping down her face. Seeing my eyes open she moves closer but is asked to step back by the doctors. On the other side of the room I can see cops and let myself drift back into sleep realizing that everything is ok now. When awaking again, I notice an arm wrapped around me and open my eyes to see my love lying next to me watching. Smiling I close my eyes again and snuggle closer to her letting comfort and warmth wash over all that had happened through the night.

With each passing day his heart tore at the seams breaking a little more in tell in time there would be nothing left as the threads pour into the black hole of nothingness. John wasn't always a lost soul and there was a time when it seemed things would never be this way but now there seemed no hope to find him self again. Each day only brought his conclusion and acceptance of a lonely death closer to a reality. Living in a small town in Montana by the name of Mill Creek he felt out-cast and surrounded by those who didn't understand him. Pulling himself through school remaining quiet and pushing his pain deep inside weakened and destroyed him. After finally making it through high school which he thought never possible it only forced him into another prison of routine and responsibility that led him no where. After months of searching he acquired a minimum wage job working at a gas station dealing with the very people who didn't understand him daily. Why would he work such a job when it seemed to be the worse suited thing for him and the way his personality was? Well, life was desperate and he had to do something with it other then sitting around waiting to roll over and die. So he went to work every day and got into another routine and did surprisingly well even when dealing with customers though he was introverted making it very draining. Each day he only grew more tired and exhausted in tell it reached a level of constant exhaustion which he simply ignored pushing his way through life doing what he had to as he always did. A few times he would get a small hope and think things would maybe get better but in the end it always left. One girl would start to fall in love with him and then forget about him before managing to unbury his heart. Some times he'd even give in a little and try to help his heart be free'd from it's lonely prison letting himself care as much as he could and hoping for it to grow in to something more. Wanting to fall in love and have a reason, but in the end it would be the same. She would let go and move on because he didn't fall in love strong enough or fast enough to make her hold on. In October it seemed to simply skip over fall and go straight to winter letting snow fall not two weeks in to the month. Halloween hadn't struck and already the ice was freezing the mornings and snow would come and go through the day. It seemed wrong to look out your window and see so much white so early in the year. What happened to fall? What happened to the gloomy months that were so beautiful to him with the drizzling rains and blowing leaves that floated across the streets in the air? Working the midnight shift one night he was leaning against the counter and simply staring into outer space. Often on the late night shifts he would write or work on cleaning up the store but everything that needed to be done had been done and he didn't feel up to much of anything. It was rare that a customer would come in so his being there seemed almost pointless but worth getting pad because he wouldn't be doing anymore at his small apartment other then sitting staring blankly at a computer screen or laying in bed trying to sleep for hours on end. Almost nodding off he was quickly forced awake as the opened causing a ding to fill the store. In walked a girl with long black hair and a black dress. Some how she seemed to remind him of someone he used to know though he couldn't think of why. Standing up he watched as she went to the back of the store grabbing a 20 ounce of sierra mist out of the fridge and then slowly walked to the counter. "Just this for you?" he asked as she got to the counter. "Yes, please." she nervously replied Something seemed weird about her actions as if she was somehow afraid of him or made uncomfortable. Feeling curious and worried he had done something to offend her he asked if something was wrong. "No, it's just been so long?" she said looking down shyly towards the counter. Suddenly a bit of realization came to him of something he almost thought a dream. A girl that had meant everything to him for longer then he could remember popped into his head but it didn't seem possible it could be her. After losing her he moved across the country to try and start a new life. From his memory over the years no matter how hard he tried to make things ok and be friends she refused to even so much as talk to him so why would she end up here at his gas station as though she meant to? "Is there anything else I can do for you?" he asked unsure how to respond or what to do. "Can you forgive me?" she looked up at him tears beginning to well in her eyes. The pain of her tears was so much that instincts from so long ago he thought he'd lost suddenly took over. Lifting his hand to the side of her face he caressed her moving her hair to the side. "It's ok sweetie, I forgive you." he whispered looking her in the eyes his own tears starting to form in the night. Reaching over the counter he wrapped his arms around her best he could then lost himself in a long moment kissing her neck where hair lay brushing against his lips as he squeezed her tightly. Hours could have passed and neither would have noticed. It was only after the counter started to bruise his waste from leaning against it that he got up to move around the counter and then take her in his arms again. "I've missed you," he whispered in her ear. "I've never stopped loving you and I never will." "I missed you too," she sobbed causing her to kiss away her tears and hold her closer. "Promise me you'll never leave, I can't lose you again," he began crying harder causing his nose to run a little. "I promise." Suddenly another ding filled the store and his eyes opened and no one was beside him leaving him still behind the register leaning on the counter. In walked a man with long brown hair covered partly by a winter cap and he wore a brown jacket. Going straight to the counter he asked for a pack of cigarettes then left leaving John alone once again. Of course it was a dream it had always been a dream. Perhaps the girl had never been real in the first place now it seemed he couldn't remember. All he knew was that a love was too deep inside of him to leave. At 5:30 AM another employee showed up to take over the morning shift allowing him to shift out and make his way him. Counting up the money in the register and doing all the needed paper work he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. Snow was gently falling and a cold wind almost knocked him over. Getting in his beat up car John got on the freeway and made his way home. Dropping on the sofa he fell asleep never caring to take of his shoes or even make his way to bed. Another dream came of the girl from the gas station and this time he asked her what she wanted. He asked if she was ever real and why she still haunted him. An enchanting reply came that seemed to float in the wind from far away "Because I need you." her voice came elegantly through the woods that surrounded the two of them in a grassy field. After a few seconds he started to realize where he was remembering how they had once laid here looking up at the stars holding each other close. Was that a dream too? Was it all a dream? Could it have been real? Waking up at 3 PM he desperately tried to remember the girl’s name. In the dream he had forgotten to ask and his memories didn't seem to hold the answers anymore. Lying for another two hours he tried to recapture the dream and bring her back. Even if it was only a dream it was the only meaning he had found in a long time and he could never resist feeling in love even if it was just a dream that never came true or maybe it had but never stayed. Going to work that evening the thought was completely wiped from his mind as he tended to the things that needed to be done. Bathrooms needed to be cleaned and floors had to be mopped. After finishing all that needed to be done he once again sat behind the counter starting to zone out forgetting where he was and once again the door brought him back to reality. In came the same man from the night before asking for cigarettes once more only this time adding "and give me your soul." "Excuse me?" John asked confused and caught off guard. "If you want to know who she is and have a chance to be with her again give me your soul," the man said seriously looking right at John. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I think I'll keep my soul if I even have one left. Here's your cigarettes. You have a good night," he told the man hoping he'd just leave. "You'll never find her with out my help," he informed John grabbing his stuff and heading out the door. Nothing else of importance happened over the night but he was kept wide awake in deep internal conflict trying to figure out what was going on. Could the man really know about the girl in his dreams? Who was he and why would he want his soul? The devil? John didn't even believe in heaven or hell really. In honesty he didn't believe in much of anything anymore. After a long night of contemplation he finally got off and went home laying awake in bed for hours slipping in and out of a dream like state as memories and thoughts poured through his head. Finally getting up and feeling tired of life and all the confusion he got in his car and began to drive not sure where he was going. Something seemed to guide him as he made turns this way and that heading down the highway and into a town he found himself at a graveyard. Feeling curious and like a walk he stopped and made his way through the cemetary looking at the different headstones wiping the snow aside to see the names of those who had died. Unaware of the passing time darkness suddenly began to creep over the world as the sun sank behind the hills. Cars abandoned the roads and a silence fell upon the place. Above the moon was seen shining through a hole in the clouds that still misted the earth with a gentle snow. Finding himself suddenly alone in the dark he tried to make his way back to the car finding it hard to pick his way through the darkness. A long twisting path led him here through a mess of trees and over grown bushes which now seemed haunting and almost frightening. Trying to subdue his fears and make his way through the maze he tripped over a branch finding himself face down in the snow freezing his face and making him feel miserably cold. Now all he wanted was to get out of here and get home. Why had he let it get dark? Why had he come here in the first place? Oh well, nothing he could do about it now but get through it and make his way home. The story of his life, just get through it. Picking him self up off the ground and once again making his way through the darkness he fell yet again this time catching his ankle in a log twisting it as he fell. Pain shot up his ankle and through his leg making him scream out profanity. Seemed things were only getting worse. Trying to get up it seemed impossible to walk and he couldn't see as it was. There was no way he was simply going to just lay here in tell morning but he wanted to just sit down and wallow in his pain waiting for everything to be better again just like he always seemed to do. "Sell me your soul," came a voice surrounding him "Sell me your soul and I'll make everything better." "If I give you my soul will she be happier?" John asked of the trees. "You will have the chance to make her yours," came the reply. "But, will she be happier?" "If you make her happier then she will be." "You're just avoiding the question and talking in riddles. Leave me alone. She doesn't exist and would never want to be with me even if she did. Now go away and leave me be," he commanded of the voice. "As you wish," and the voice was gone leaving him the feeling of being the only one left alive. Crawling on hands and knees he slowly made his way through the trees and found his way to the car. By the time he got in the car he fell exhausted on the seat feeling like he would die. Letting himself breathe for just a minute he turned the car on and then moved his right ankle so he could use his left foot to drive. This ought to be interesting. If he makes it home alive it'll be a miracle. No one was on the streets which made his poor driving a little less terrifying but every turn still made his heart pound with the fear he'd hit some ice and not be able to react quick enough. As if his fear weren't already bad enough the snow began to pick up starting to storm making it near impossible to see. Somehow he managed to make it home in one piece and fell exhausted on the bed. Whether it was a dream or not he was unsure but the voice came again taunting him that he'll be alone forever in less he offers her soul. "Screw you I'll always be miserable. Doesn't really matter anymore anyways. Not like I deserve happiness." As quickly as it came the voice was gone once more leaving him to slip into a dreamless sleep or at least one which he couldn't clearly see. Waking up in pain he grabbed the phone calling in to work explaining his injury and that he may no be able to make it to his next shift which was the next night. Telling the manager he would try to still make it but that he wouldn't be able to do more then watch the register she said she understood. If need be the morning shift could just work a little more to take care of the cleaning he usually got done but it would be almost impossible to get someone there for the night shift. Spending the next few days in bed with ice on his leg it seemed like his usual day off other then the dull throbbing. Watching tv the day seemed to go by slow falling in and out of sleep for the remainder of the day and night. How was he supposed to work tomorrow? God, could someone just shoot him now? It just all seems so pointless suffering every day for nothing in return. Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he felt true happiness or any sort of happiness for more then five minutes. Maybe he did something wrong in life and deserved this. Falling into another dream, things started to come clearer to him. The girl was Elizabeth and had been his back when he lived in California; back when he lived in the place where it never snowed because he lived in northern California right near the Washington border. All they had was the ocean and maybe one short lived snow fall a year. The snow he once loved and danced in with her at his side was the snow he now dreaded bringing it's freezing chills and difficult driving conditions. His favorite time of the year now became his worse enemy. Upon waking once more the man from the store was right next to him looking down at him with a snake like smile on his face. If you won't sell me your soul then I'll still it. His eyes turned yellow and he bit violently in to John's neck inflicting as much pain as possible draining the blood from him. Once he had drained almost every ounce of life from his body the man slit his wrist letting the blood fall into his mouth. Even the joy of becoming what he had always dreamed about was not enough to force John's anger into submission. "God damn you," he shot at the man "I didn't want to sell my soul even to live forever. You know how many nights I have laid awake just begging for death? And now you curse me to live an eternity? What kind of monster are you?" "Only the worse kind," he smiled "and you ought to be thanking me. Many would give anything for the life I have given you." "Oh go to hell. You think I care what others want? Screw you and your kind. I'm sick and tired of this life." "Just a little ungrateful aren't we?" "Whatever." John got up and left the room finding a human on the street and draining there blood violently in his rage. Quickly the heart stopped beating and he paid no attention to the images that flashed before his eyes. Three more victims were taken that night in tell his blood lust had finally been fulfilled leaving him to the realization of what he had done letting crimson poor from his eyes in newly formed agony. Remembering the girl he made his way to California. Finding a coffee shop with internet he searched online to try and locate the girl. After countless searches he finally found a name that seemed right and wrote the address down. Knowing not what he would do when he got there John started on his journey. It took longer to contemplate what to do then it did to get to the address he had written down. Standing outside of the window under the darkness of the sky he looked in seeing a girl lying in bed sleeping. It had to be her his heart leaping out of his chest. Using powers in his mind John made the door open and shut it silently making his way through the shadows. Sitting on the girl's bed next to her he looked down and rested his hand on her head gently playing with her hair. Rubbing saliva on his wrists to keep his wounds from healing he then bit hard into his wrist making sure to pierce the vein. Repeating up both arms in tell blood was quickly pouring from his body he laid down and wrapped his arm around her. Somewhat surprising him she held his arm to her and he put his other arm under her head holding her close. Closing his eyes he fell into a sleep which he would never awaken from.

Outside the rains begin to fall as autumn comes again. Winds grow strong and cold wraps around the earth creating a longing inside to belong and have some one there. Someone to hold through the long nights and take care of telling them it will be alright. Someone to say I love you to and mean it more then life. Hallows eve slowly approaches and the anniversary of giving my heart away. Little hope has been kept that I’d ever be happy again or consumed by the beautiful darkness that once crept into my soul; that feeling where you’re connected with yourself and everything around when you can hear the different sounds of the world and feelings hidden with in. Loneliness has to even vanish giving a void to its comfort of wallowing in sorrow and need turning life into a routine that you can’t seem to hate or love. Magic comes from a hidden place and life throws random things in your path. These paths do not follow any rules or structure though at times it seems to just be a circle. We continue a winding path and every once in a while when it seems that nothing could change something jumps from the woods. At times it’s a dangerous bear or bandits to steal our hearts and at other times it’s the darkest angel or the most shining light of gold. Like the birds outside my window I too must fly through the winds and rain searching ever more for that place where I may rest. That place where we get to find our lake of dreams and settle down next to it making life come to us. When I have the one to build my cabin of hopes with then I will settle down and carry her to bed kissing her all the while speaking the words of love and truth. On that day when the world comes to life reminding me why I’ve flown through the storms and the lightning I will truly have the strength to defend. For what is the use of fighting and surviving when you don’t have a home? Home is not a place but a feeling. Love is home where ever it may go. Whether it be in the grandest of mansions or the coldest of streets begging for your food. Heaven or hell it does not care love is home to me. So on this coldest darkest night as I think of all that’s been and all that may be I wonder if it’s possible to find home again. When the year is right and life is set will you find your way to me? Will you be the home that I’ve longed to see or just another comfort through one of the nights on my way to that lake that resides somewhere out there calling out my name? Are you the heaven that I’ve searched for; light shining in the sky? Dearest you’ve fallen fast I see and you’ve brought me down with you. Giving me the chance to let go of the past and hold on to new dreams again. Dare I say I need you now or forever will? For darling you know the truth I’ve loved before as each heart break wears out the little strength with in. So I’m telling you tonight that I’ve given the chance to you to show the way again. What ever this may be I found you in a dream a long, long time ago and now that dream is here waiting to be seen. To discover whatever meaning there is that lies with in. One day my love we’ll know how the pieces long to fit. So life finds me here again waiting through the night. Weighted down my heart feels too weak to go on and I wish that you were here. Each night that we’re apart, each hour your voice is gone it seems it was never real. The feelings we longed to share, the destiny we questioned seems to fade so quickly leaving a hollow heart. If I promised you forever would you be there in the end? Or would you turn and walk away like I always seem to find? Would I break upon your heart or be worn out by the past? Does it matter when I’m gone or when he’s by your side? Tell me love the answers when you find that they are clear. For in this game you’re not alone I’m just as lost as you. Fighting to survive through each and every day; constantly searching for a reason to get me through the night. I’m powerless to emotions and destroyed when they seem to leave. If something could last forever I wish it would be real. If something can bring me through the days other then this painful torment I wish that it would come and sweep me off my feet lifting me up and letting me sink into a beautiful darkness wrapping so sweetly around.

I Fell in Love with a Ghost It started one night while I was asleep, though I first thought it just to be a dream. She came to me dressed in black with long black hair and kissed me on the lips. It seemed the usual dream of a teenager trying to escape from the loneliness that lives inside in tell she vanished and reappeared. My new love was a ghost and entered into my body. Amusing myself, and those around me, I began to float in the air using her spirit. Such dreams are not unusual for me being an eighteen year old boy with a very dark and morbid mind, so, I thought nothing of it but a mere reaching out in loneliness. Upon awakening to the feeling that a ghost was present, I shrugged it off as a mere remainder of the dream, although I did hold hopes that it was more then a dream, begging her to show herself to me and free me from my loneliness. As I lay awake and reached out with my mind, I was aware that it seemed rather silly but I desperately needed someone or something to believe in. For the following nights I continued to have strange dreams that aided to my secretly growing thought that she was not just a spark in my imagination, but real. Each night the dreams became more alive and it became harder to distinct dream from reality. Dreams became so closely related to the real world that I could feel her breath upon my skin and taste her on my lips. Though I had such longing for it to be more then fantasy I would not be so blind as to believe it was anything more then a fantasy created in my head. I knew that my imagination was often wild and would create things to make life more worth living. Several times had I tried to create someone to consistently dream of and be with during the nights, searching for something to make living not so hard. Never before had I succeeded in dreaming of an imaginary person more then once though, and every night found me in the arms of someone else in tell now. During one of these visits to my dreams I asked her if she was real, because I knew that I was dreaming. “Yes,” she told me and said that dreams were the only place she could really communicate with me. Of course, I still found it hard to believe because my mind could just be creating the response that I wanted to hear, none the less it gave me a little bit of hope. It may seem foolish of me, but one finds it hard to hold back the slightest thought or emotion when they are dreaming even if conscience of there actions because they feel so utterly safe and in control so I told her that I loved her and I wished it was real. Mornings became a struggle to get out of bed, even more so then before and I have never been one for getting out of bed except for the rare occasion I feel some strong excitement for getting up, which has happened on perhaps two occasions. Often during the day I began to take naps even when I was not tired at all in hopes of seeing and holding my friend. Now it was beyond the point of being just a dream and I cared not if it was real anymore, but was merely happy that something was making me happy. She was mine, and made me feel complete. It would seem mad to explain to someone that I’d fallen in love with a ghost, but I felt a strong sense of loyalty to her as though she were real. If I went out to places and some one started to flirt with me I would try and avoid the situation and felt uncomftorable hugging other girls as though she would be jealous. When times found me scared or depressed my thoughts would go to her. There were always plenty of false memories and dreams from the night before to get me through the day as well as the new fantasies I would create in my head while awake. Never did she tell me her name for there was no need. When we were together words were rarely spoken and it seemed we could simply understand what the other wanted and needed. At first we would spend hours every night simply holding each other in one room or another created in my mind, but over time we began to go places and do things. In dreams we could go anywhere we wanted, and do anything that we pleased. The freedom was more then words can explain and it makes me wonder why anyone would ever want to be awake. She was everything I had ever wanted, and everything she did seemed perfect in my mind. This made me feel more that I had simply created her, because she was the embodiment of all I saw beautiful. There was a consistency in her actions and the way she was though that seemed much too complicated to have been simply created in my mind. She wasn’t just things I thought of, but things so beautiful I could not have imagined. After awakening one night I began to beg for her again. I begged that she was real and would show me who she was. “I love you and I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I began to plea. “I love you too,” came the unexpected reply. So sure that I had simply heard it in my head as one often does when they are very tired I began to cry. Over and over in my mind I asked why I couldn’t hold her, or kiss her. Why couldn’t I give her everything and always be by her side? It seemed unfair that I could not truly be with her. Maybe if my tears had not been so strong and my sadness so great I would have been scared, but the next thing I knew she was sitting next to me and holding her. More of a feeling with in such as in dream came from her, though I could still feel a slight physical feeling of her comforting arms around me. Transparent as she was I could tell it took all of her strength to show herself to me, to comfort me. Each night she grew stronger and her visits lasted longer. One day she would never have to leave and I would never cry again. As I thought of this I started to have questions of how we would make it work. Though I felt as though I loved her I did not know how to explain it to family and friends. During the nights no one was awake to be aware of her visits, but what if she all the sudden started being with me during the day? Surely it would shock people her lack of being a physical person, and it would seem odd that she simply appeared in my room for I was not living on my own at this time, but still at home. Perhaps she felt my confusion and wanted to make life easier for me, or perhaps it had offended her that my love was not strong enough keep me from worrying about how to explain it to other. Whatever the case was, her visits suddenly stopped and she was no longer in my dreams. Over time I began to believe it had all merely been dreams and as the months passed I started to forget about her all together. Now my nights had become as lonely as the days and I lost the comfort of remembering my dreams. To try and get myself out of the house I decided to play guitar at a coffee shop. It had been months since playing last because I lived so far away from town, and I needed to get in the habit of playing once more if I ever planned to go anywhere with music. Calm peace consumed me as I entered the place and when I began to play it seemed as though I had entered another world or a dream. Suddenly all of my thoughts and dreams of the lovely ghost flooded my mind as if she had never left. As I looked out into the crowd I could tell they felt the passion and love that was forming in my mind. They could have been laughing at this point though, and I wouldn’t have cared for this was my own place where nothing could hurt me. Looking out into the crowd I noticed a familiar face, and a bit of anxiety started to form in my chest. Before me was the same long black hair, and the same black clothes that I had so grown to love. Such passion, and emotion grew inside of me as I looked at the flesh and blood replicate of the girl I had so deeply loved. It was no surprise that I found myself staring at her, and looking away in hopes that she hadn’t noticed. A few times I could have sworn I caught her staring at me as well, and more then an audience member watches a performer. There seemed to be something more hidden in her eyes. For the last song I began to sing one I had written for my ghost though, she had never heard it before because it was written after she left my side. The power was more then I could keep inside and as the months of loneliness began to pour through me and the pain of losing her came fourth. I began to find it hard not to cry. Every one in the coffee shop was silent, and it seemed as though they could feel each word sang. Looking at my black haired beauty I noticed she was crying and I knew it had to be true. Seeing her tears was more then I could bear, and the intensity grew even stronger though I thought there was no possible way to feel any more passion then I already did. After finishing the song, I stepped off the stage and walked towards her. As we looked at each other, an overwhelming joy came inside of me. Running my hands through her hair, I began to kiss away her tears. “I love you and I missed you,” I whispered in her ear. This is how I fell in love with a ghost and brought her back to life. As I am writing this she sleeps next to me and I pray she shall never leave. Though, I cannot be certain that she will not one day vanish or that I shall wake up and realize this is but another dream, I know she shall always remain in my heart as the one who kept my soul alive.

My Guitar Made me Weep one day i was sitting in my room staring at this screen. this screen i look at every day that seems to eat my mind. suddenly i heard a noise, a voice or so it seemed. a moving sound filled my room and i was struck with sudden surprise. i looked over from my computer, and what was it i saw? my guitar was singing! it grew legs and arms, and stood there like it was john lennon. he was on top of the world or so it seemed. with my jaw open i watched in amazement. do you know what he did next? he turned on my pa. he sang into my microphone, and hooked himself up to the amp. magically he made his strings play the melody of which he sang. needless to say i was impressed, and jealous to say the least. my guitar had only been alive for a few short moments, and he already sang and played better then i ever could. maybe i could ask him, or was it a her? it's voice seemed to sound as any voice it chose perhaps i could ask my guitar whatever gender it be, to join my band and sing with me upon the golden stage. i went closer and listened intently. the words were full of passion. i didn't want to interupt so i waited till he was done. i said that was beautiful and he knew the words were true. my tears were pouring down like rain, he sang the song of my heart. how did you know? i asked. "i am you" he said. i am the fire in your soul, and i am the tears you hold. i am your potential, and i am the heart inside. i have always been here, but you never cared to listen. for many years i've sat and watched you, and many years i've been trying to escape from this lifeless being i've been. i've seen your sorrows, and i've felt the pain when you play. every note you sing, i've let seep into my strings. after years of waiting i took in enough to take this form you see" so my guitar is me. has it always been this way? my soul seeped in through my fingers and took on a life of there own. now what next? will my keyboard learn to dance? my other two guitars start to sing? will my drumset beat me on the head and tell me when i'm foolish? i wonder of all the things that can become of me. i wonder all the things that i can be if somehow i've become a guitar. being a guitar doesn't seem so bad, but it seems a little painful. when all day long some one grabs your neck and tickles you with a pick. it seems interesting to think of being a guitar, maybe i should ask my guitar exactly how it feels. if he is me, shouldn't i already know? but i think it's a part of me that left, and seeped into his soul. so now my guitar is a part of me, but detatched at the same time. so now that part of me has become him making a whole new life. i dont know why i tell these things. no one will believe. but maybe one of you will understand the writer that i be. for yes perhaps i did lie, my guitar it does not dance. but in my mind i see it, and a story thus has made. so criticize all you want, but my guitar is dancing as we speak. all i need it to close my eyes and see it's silly legs and how it dances while it sings!

One in the Same He sits alone wondering if there’s a reason; wondering if there’s a point to this life though he seems unable to even want to die. Thoughts leave soon as they arrive, and feelings fade as quickly as they arise. The world is clouded with a mist of seemingly nothingness. She sits alone wondering why she’s broken. Why her happiness seems to make her cry. Wondering why she still wants to die, longing to run the blade across her flesh and feel the blood rush through her veins and leave her withered and as dead as she feels inside. Why they won’t just let her be she does not know, and he wonders why she doesn’t see she’s lucky to have anyone care enough to ask. Two alike, but sitting in separate rooms with a routine death. It’s like watching his past played in the mirror before him as he watches her pain and the way she slowly dies. Savor the pain while it lasts. In time a numb ness will take over and a fear of feeling will grow inside. Take the pain as a blessing to know that you’re alive, and remember that you’re not alone. Every day he tries not to care, and prove that it doesn’t matter. Slowly, he tries to destroy himself and forget about love. Every night he tries to cling, and hold her in his mind; tries hard to feel something more to make life worth while unafraid of all the pain. Locked to tight to open, but to desperate to quietly sit and die. Wondering shall this ever end, but too weak too end it all. Now he sits awake knowing that it doesn’t matter what he does. Love will never come, and the world leaves him cold. She lays in bed trying hard to sleep, and he wonders why it can’t be so simple. He wonders why his thoughts linger and the feelings still hold onto something so hopeless. It seems he holds enough to know he cares, but not enough to make a difference. This seems to become his life, holding on enough to hurt and bleed but not enough for it to matter. Is this all he is? He’s just enough to be there, but not enough to matter. Begging for a reason to get him through the day and make him feel alive, yet hiding when it seems a reason starts to form. Too weary and torn apart it seems, he’s lost more then he’s ever been. Each heartbreak makes the thought of love harder to believe, second-guessing his feelings becomes all too normal. Soon as he thinks I love you he wonders if it’s true. For, so many times he’s said it, and so many times he meant it. But, what has that gotten him? Another lonely night and another lonely heart too weighted to go on but beating to strong to die just enough to survive. Music plays in the room, yet a silence resides with in. No connection seems to reach him no passion love or feeling. Yet still he holds on to some small hope that things will be ok. Maybe one day he’ll feel alive again and find a reason that never disappears. Telling himself he’ll just stop caring, and let her be alone because it’s what she wants. But, in the morning he’ll forget and try just enough to remember that he cares. She’ll stay close enough so he knows that she cares, but not enough to make a change. She’ll act like he doesn’t matter, but tell him she loves him before he disappears. Caring just enough to keep his heart alive, but not enough to matter; she’ll let him close enough to make sure he always cares, and never let him help her or open up enough. Just enough to tease than shut off in defense. Knowing the way she is, he knows it’s best to fade. Let the summer drift him far away, to far too ever see. Forget the dreams of hope, and forget the words of love. He knows its best, but when he tries to forget he only wants to die. Each day she’s in pain it feels like watching himself die all over again, and there’s nothing he can do because she’s afraid. They’re afraid though he knows what she needs, and he could be everything but, a heart can only be broken so many times before the shards forget how to find there way back into the whole. Leaving itself scattered with others who refuse to give the pieces back. Hopeless love is bound to him, and life is destined to break him. Loneliness is the home he knows, because with out it others break upon his heart shattering the pieces further from his being. How many hearts must break before he can glue his own together again? Would it even matter if his pain could mean something? Pain is nothing, pain is life but can he not suffer for another? He must suffer anyways so why not do some good? At least then it wouldn’t seem to hurt so much. Nights he walks alone still holding to childish dreams. With some small hope she’ll come to him calling in the night. Each time a silent voice begs to her to come and take his life. Let him see another world, and spend eternity. Each night he walks through woods pushing past his fears, just hoping she’ll be their silently awaiting his approach. No words would need to pass as she gently takes his life, it wouldn’t even matter if she never awoke him from the deadened sleep as long as his darkened goddess freed him from this life. At night when he begs for her, he longs for the gift of death to give to another. Thinks of sharing this new life with another who sits alone. A promise formed that he plans to keep. If this life were over would death somehow bring something new and make it all ok? What would she say to him if he offered her the gift? “We’re vampires” she said to him, but what if it was true? What would it change, if it changed anything at all? Would they just sit alone miserable for eternity wondering why it still hurts? Or would they be together with their newly shared life and death?