If anyone has wondered where I'm been and what i've been doing.. here ya go..
Okay so I'm a busy person. I've got a lot on my plate right now. I have my kids to take care of a house to clean and clothes to wash. My Mom's cancer is now back. I've got ot run her around because she won't and "now" can't drive. Between appointments for her, my kids and myself I have let myself go. But just in the past month or so I've been trying to get back to who I used to be. I started at the gym and I have been tanning to boost my self esteem. Because at this point I need it.
I've been slacking with friends and family because I've been soooooooo busy with everything I have to do day to day. Worst part about it is I often get told I have to take my mom to an appointment the morning she's due to go. So any plans I had to do anything around the house, the kids or myself is right out the window. She's bipolar and demands attention all the time.
I feel like a terrible person because I do all I can to help her, yet she won't help herself. She hasn't picked up a spoon or plate to wash since she's been here. She's had someone clean her room for her and matter of fact I'd be shocked if she's even walked further than the restroom or fridge in the past year. So what makes me feel bad? Because I have a hard time to give pity to someone who won't even make an attempt to do anything for themselves. About the only thing I don't do for her is bathe her. Still, I'm waiting for her to ask for assisitance with that.
I've given up my privacy and freedom to take care of her I think she could at least give me a little respect. Tonight she was talking to me about times when I have dinner done. She thinks I should have it done at 4 everyday, because she needs to control her blood sugar. What the hell is so wrong with me cooking at 6? That's a good time for me! I am just so pissed that she demands and takes and gives nothing backin return. Not even a thank you..
Just this past week she's asked me to go shopping for her. She can't even do that for herself. I've offered to take her so she can get what she likes. She just doesn't care anymore. She leaves it all up to me and thinks I'm going to be a personal slave. I'm just trying to do the right thing here. I don't gain anything from doing this. It's not a pleasure for me and it never will be.
Weekends are even harder for me. I usually am kid free and I like to go and do things. Dad's off work and I figure he can manage a small meal for her. I always try to buy something for them to microwave or whatnot, so it's not a hard task. But I get shot dirty looks for not being here to cook. Now she wants me to precook meals so she can heat up at her convience. WTF? When did the title chef come before daughter? I am just so resentful at this point.
Dad's fustrated because she's bitching to him about everything so he's taken it out on me now. We used to have a good relationship. She's managed to wedge herself between everyone I've ever been close with. Sadly, I've let her. I just don't know what to do to pick up the peices. I'm not enjoying having her complain all the time about forks being in the wrong spot or the hamper in her bathroom being too far over and she can't get in the shower when it's in the way. It's the little things that pile into the big things that make me want to run away..
I must have been stupid to think I could get along with the woman who's made my teenage years a living hell!!!
Someone say a prayer for me.. before I lose it!!
I need more yoga, more gym.. if anything just to get time away. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
I'm going to go listen to some death metal and scrub a floor or something!
