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Hey there Fubarians, the Metalhead here with a simply rant. Personally, that past month has had some real nasty moments. Woke up late for work because of nightmares, gained and lost 2 friends. Found out my promo is on hold. And the worst of it happened today. I pretty much got the same ol' bs line that someone tells you when they hate you. I got the "We are better as friends then as a couple" kinda lie. Personally, I wish people would just tell you they hate you, they despise you, and they want you out and for you to never come back. If someone would just be straight with me, and stop trying to make my life miserable, maybe my shitty life would actualyl have a more constant joy. All I know is that for the first time in a long time, I actually was happy. And the wonderful woman I met who made me happy, also hates me now. I go from joy and happiness, back to misery & guilt. Life is just to shitty to keep going. I really hope I don't wake up anymore. I just want to sleep and forget about everything in reality.
Well I have done it, I think. I think I finally lost my chance at happiness. Well I recently wrote some rants due to a personal friend of mine, well past friend now, and the wrong person read it and thought it was her. Now they are pissed at me, they are not talking to me, they pretty much have taken me out of the possible equations. I don't understand why I do this to myself and the people I care about? I mean, I believe in speaking your mind, venting out the pain instead of holding it in, and really just being myself. I do this, and I hurt the people I care about, while those who hurt me still continue enjoying life and my suffering. I don't know what to friggin do. I feel horrible inside, I feel empty and cold, and I have this constant feeling of void in my upper chest. I feel like I want to cry, but the pain is just too much to even shed a tear anymore. I am feeling the urge to cry right now, but I can't. I just want to be able to tell someone how I feel, or even might feel about them and not get a friggin sword through my soul and the 3rd degree on how I am being a complete idiot, and then getting tossed out onto the street by them. Why does every chick I meet have a ego so bad that when someone cares about them, they just burn them down. The thing is, I didn't even tell her, she just knew I started caring and then wooosh!!! The flames melt me down. Why? Why does it matter what kinda pain is in the past, we all have had pain in our past, that's why we keep the past behind us and move on. We need to look for something better. We need to stop making excuses to not hang with people and stay inside, and we need meet someone who likes us for who we are and let it go somewhere. I know how to do that, I know how to put it all behind me, I just wish I didn't have to do it again, for once I finally thought about the future, so why can't you?
Let's see, my hopes for romance and love are down the toliet, my old injuries will never let me get into the Corps, I hurt my friggin hand today at work, both of my cell phones won't charge anymore, all my close friends are trying to lie to me and tell me thigns are gonna get better soon, and I am friggin starving right now. Life is pretty friggin miserable. It's my fault, I know it is. I let myself believe that there is still hope in the universe, still a chacne for love, still peopel who care about me and would actually be honest to & loyaol to me instead of playing me and using me for their own damn fucking entertainment. Life is purely friggin shitty right now. Personally, I have decied to begin fasting. I really don't have a lot of other options. I am gonna give up the booze entirely, consume only water for the next few days, and give my food to a local poor people shelter. I personally don't think I will need it anymore. I guess you could say that I pretty much am giving up on life, love, and damn bullshit pursuit of happiness all together. But, before this all happens I just want to say to you all, that last thign she said to me was to not do somethign stupid or foolish...... Funny, that's pretty damn hypocritical considering what your already doing now!!!! BTW, anyone wanna buy my car or take up my lease? Call for details. Ciao all!
I did it again!! I made the same mistake again that I always do. I allowed myself to think that the little heart I still have left inside of me would be safe in the hands of another. Yeah, it's ok, they say they love you, they care about you, they want to see you and be with you. That's love right? WRONG!!!! DEAD FRIGGIN WRONG!!!! I am so done with believing anymore. I need to stop listeing to my friends, I need to stop believing that if I give something a shot, take a chance, I need to stop friggin telling myself that if I tell someone I love them, and they say they love me, that it will work!!! STARS FORBID I HAVE ANYTHIGN SPEICAL IN MY LIFE!!! I lost my last chance a happiness to a kid with no plan for the future, and a friggin 40 something year old pedofile!!! I am so friggin tired of this bull. No point in tring anymore. I give up. So here is the open invitation, any women want a guy for a coupel one nighters, wanna smite your husband or b/f, wanna cheap, no strings attached fuck budddy, give me a shout, cause I don't have anything left for love. I am just friggin meat for hire!!! THIS LIFE BLOWS BIG TIME!!!
Alas, my love, you do me wrong,
To cast me off discourteously.
For I have loved you well and long,
Delighting in your company.
Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And who but my lady greensleeves.
Alas, my love, that you should own
A heart of wanton vanity,
So must I meditate alone
Upon your insincerity.
Your vows you've broken, like my heart,
Oh, why did you so enrapture me?
Now I remain in a world apart
But my heart remains in captivity.
If you intend thus to disdain,
It does the more enrapture me,
And even so, I still remain
A lover in captivity.
I have been ready at your hand,
To grant whatever you would crave,
I have both wagered life and land,
Your love and good-will for to have.
Thou couldst desire no earthly thing,
But still thou hadst it readily.
Thy music still to play and sing;
And yet thou wouldst not love me.
I bought thee kerchiefs for thy head,
That were wrought fine and gallantly;
I kept thee at both board and bed,
Which cost my purse well-favoredly.
I bought thee petticoats of the best,
The cloth so fine as it might be;
I gave thee jewels for thy chest,
And all this cost I spent on thee.
Thy smock of silk, both fair and white,
With gold embroidered gorgeously;
Thy petticoat of sendal right,
And these I bought thee gladly.
My men were clothed all in green,
And they did ever wait on thee;
All this was gallant to be seen,
And yet thou wouldst not love me.
They set thee up, they took thee down,
They served thee with humility;
Thy foot might not once touch the ground,
And yet thou wouldst not love me.
'Tis, I will pray to God on high,
That thou my constancy mayst see,
And that yet once before I die,
Thou wilt vouchsafe to love me.
Ah, Greensleeves, now farewell, adieu,
To God I pray to prosper thee,
For I am still thy lover true,
Come once again and love me.
Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And who but my lady greensleeves.
Hey there fellow Fu-barians. The Metalhead here with some more downing news. I was for a while feeling pretty good about myself. I mean, my job is going fantastic, my place is still pretty clean, I am in better shape then I used to be, and so far my car seems to be holding up well. However, my main thing right now is that recently, the whole lady situation is really weird and confusing. I mean, They make you feel great one moment, and then something comes up and they kinda bring your spirits down just as quickly. I mean, I am a realistic guy, I don't throw all my hopes and dreams into one hat every time. I try and take things as they come. I will meet someone who is really nice, then they think I am really nice. Then something happens. A realy good connection is made, but then we have some kinda conlfict or restriction that gets in the way of progress. Usually it's either a current or former lover, some kind of authority figure in their life, or they don't wanna leave their family, they don't think I can provide for them. I mean I have my own place, a full time job, I bring in a decent earning, I have my own vehicle, I am good with my money and I have all the basics. But always, something either gets in the way or suddenly comes up!!! But, I am not a moron, within seconds, I can come up with a solution, an out right resolution!!!! I full proof plan that would succeed, but it gets shot down right away. So how am I supposed to believe that they care when I am wiling to make a sacrifice for them and they won't make one for me?!?! I have no idea about these things some times. I just want to get some basic understanding. Why is it so bloody impossible to meet someone, have a spark, make a connection, and then it all gets shot down without any real reason or explanation? Well, yeah, I really just want to say that I have a good heart, I have a stable lifestyle, I enjoy activities in & outside the home, and I would just like to have someone come into my life and just be like: No drama, no excuses, and just treat me right!!!! That's what I want a beautiful women to say to me. Now whether that is a particular lady who is reading this that knows me already, or someone who I am brand new to, that's all you have to say, and you got me!!! Well thats all. Ciao for now!!
