I moved to La Grande, Oregon March 2007. When I moved there I was married. I guess all things come to an end... I don't regret anything that happened. It was meant to make me stronger more patient person. I really hope next time around will be a different story.

So here I am starting over again. I really thought it would be easy for me to just reclaim who I was again. I have quickly figured out that it won't happen. You can never be the person you were before. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago and I wouldn't want to be. The person that I am right now I wasn't 9 months ago, the person I am now I wasn't 2 weeks ago. You are changing all the time working towards the better.

On September 4th, 2008 I went to Portland, Salem, and Tacoma to visit family and friends... Was supposed to be here for three weeks. Some stuff happened that really made me realize I haven't been happy the last few months. Kinda been pretty depressed... Well... Time to totally move on... I started looking for jobs in Portland. I moved to Wood Village, which is right between Troutdale and Portland/Gresham on I84... Moved in with a gal named Anna that James introduced me to. Me and her get along great... and I am totally loving my job. Things are starting to go great.

Looking for acceptance of people just made me scared of what others thought and some first impressions I made were not great, but now I am back to being me and you'll either love me or hate me. I have been given a second chance to make things right. I'm not going to let anyone hold me back this time! I know myself and I want to do so much in my life and just have some fun. I hope I can find someone to spend my life with that wants the same. Your only as old as you feel... and only feel as old as you act. You don't have to be grown up to be an adult! But you don't have to be young to act like a kid now and then!

There are times I may act like I'm 45 or 50, there are times I act like I'm 21 again. That's jsut part of life. Sometimes you need to let go and just have some fun. I got that wake up call on July 12th. Some of my friends that are in the Army Reserves came here for drill like they do once a month. Matt and Scott just turned 21 and we went to a club here in town. They never had been dancing and wanted to hit on some girls and were kind of scared and shy. I told them just to go ask them to dance, but neither was willing to do dance. I hadn't gone dancing in years because so worried about what people would think of me. Well that night I decided I wouldn't care I would try and get them to go, so they would get passed worry what people thought about how they danced. I kept trying to drag Scott and he wouldn't go. I got Matt to go a few times as I grabbed his arm and drug him out, but he kept going back to the table. I made a bet with them... That if I went and asked a guy to dance that they had to go ask some girls to dance. Out of my own better judgment I resorted to asking thsi guy Danny, that I can't stand, to go dance. They then had to go ask some girls to dance and got shot down. I finally drug Matt out to dance a few times and he just wasn't having so much fun but, still went to humor me. I went and talked to Scott and made him promise to dance with me. Few songs later I made him give on his promise and go dance... It was all over from there... He had so much fun that I didn't get off the dance floor long enough to chug on my beer and then we were back out. Got Matt to go a few times, and he finally got a girl to go dance with him... Which later Scott stole. Why they were gone some girl came up and asked me to go dance with her. We actually exchanged numbers to go party again because she told me I was so much fun. I had a very great time with them, in trying to get the point across to them to not worry about what others think and just go have fun I taught myself the same lesson again that night.

I have tried so hard in my life to always be there for everyone that I know and do what they needed to better themselves and put my own best interest aside and to work on bettering myself and making me happy. I have turned over a new leaf. I will still be there for friends when they need me and are willing to do something about what they need to do to change and better there life, but I won't try and rescue those people that just want an excuse to whine and be paid attention to.

I want someone that wants to just enjoy life, have fun, explore new things, and try lots of new things. I want to get married and be in love this time... And if I am lucky enough start a family. If not I will be happy with being a good aunt to my Nephew Mason and my new nephew that's due to be here in November 8th. Life is about making the choice to be happy or letting the small insignificant stuff bug you... after all my family and I have been through I know that the choice is to just be happy. Things will work out how God meant for them too... Every struggle or hard thing in life that makes you work through is one thing that makes you stronger and appreciate what you have so much more.

I love writting... I stopped writting for a very long time and I am just getting back into it. I can say honestly that it is coming very easy to me now, but I think it's because my heart is more open then it use to be. I have several blogs posted of things I have wrote pretty recently. I have been told on one of them that I should put some more to it and it really should be a song. There is a lot of my emotion in them, stuff that is very personal about me, and really if you don't know me super well would make me seem like I am broken hearted and hurt. Those are not my intetions or how I am. I really do love life and want to inspire someone in some way to realize they need to open there heart more to the people around them. Look into someone's heart and really get to know them, not just see the superficial things. There is more to a person then most people know, not many people see everything in themself even until someone takes that time to try and get to know that person. So take them time to get to really know at least one person in your life. You never know the impact it will make on that persons life to know someone really cares and you will really find more out about yourself in the process. You will be a better person in many ways for taking that time to really know a person.

My Personality

Neuroticism 24
Extraversion 97
Openness To Experience 71
Agreeableness 68
Conscientiousness 71

You very rarely feel depressed and are usually in a good frame of mind, however you feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. You are an active group participant but usually prefer to let someone else be the group leader. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice, however you do not enjoy confrontation, but you will stand up for yourself or push your point if you feel it is important. You believe that you have the intelligence, common sense, drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success.


..Take the Personality Tests now or view the full

I do have to say my friends are one of the best things in my life. Most of them are family too. My bestest friend Bree it the world to me. I can be the biggest dork with her and be just plain stupid. Most of the time I don't get weird looks, but now and then I still get them. The things that come out of my mouth when I am with her astonish me sometimes. Trust me she could tell you stories! Nasty Bitch!! ROFLMFAO... That one was the best... You ever want to hear the story just ask. I even got her to admit once that I was the bigger dork! Your family is my second family. I absolutly adore them and god I have such good memories of the times I have spent with you and them. Especally playing apples to apples with your parents. You definitly have your dads sense of humor and your moms love of life and animals. I adore you and your family and my family adores you guys!

I have my long time friends I adore... CJ, Rob, and Chris... You three are like brothers and are part of the family... You know mom and dad thought of you as family too and called you there sons. We have all been through some rough times together and I can never thank you all enough for being part of my family.

Lastly I do have to mention Matt... God what can I say our friendship started off very weird. You have suprised me most out of any of my friends. Considering what we went through together I really didn't think we would end up friends. You have been there for me so many times to talk to and hel me deal with things. I love you to death and you are one of my best friends. You are hilarious and sweet, what else could I ask for in a friend. Your there when I need you! Thank you for being my suprise best friend! You are a stud dude!

There are so many other friends in my life I have not mentioned... Todd, Wayne, Tim, my cousin Rex I fucking love you, Stephen, Tommy, Steve, Robert, Chell, Ant, Sarah, Mason, FISHY FISHY FISHY (nick name), Deana, Kenny, Denise, Coonie, Jamie, Cory, Snooke, Julianne, Whit, Jo, Jay, Jenn, Will, Troy, Danie, Rusty, Ash, Angie, Michael, Stacy, Jerry, Shaun, Sharon, Ruthy, and many other friends. Adore you all and we definitly all have great memories together. Thank you for being my friends.