ozinthesw's blog: "remembering"

i was asked today what i missed the most since my wife passed away, its an honest question, and one most people would be embarressed to ask,well as you would expect sex with her, but sex isnt everything, dont get me wrong, sex is good but , it something more: like when she would get mad at me and give me that evil glare, or when she wrecked my truck and looked like a little girl about to cry, when she would pout just so she could get her way,listening to go on and on about work,watching play with the kids, seeing her in a pet shop full of critters, you would think she was a kid again, i miss watching her sleep, feeling the warmth of her, hearing ber breathe, feeling her heart beat in the darkness, just knowing she was there, i miss her laugh, her smile, i miss alot of things about now that she is gone, i know i will never have them back with her, but i have my memories and with a little hope and hell of alot of luck i might be able to make some news ones with someone else one of these days, you can never tell,till then i have my friends and my kids, and my online friends that send me stuff to make me smile and make me laugh

as i sit here in this quiet house i cant help but think of the past and how much i wish things could be different, but some things come to mind, like, do you remember a time when you were so happy that nothing could get you down? when everything seemed to go your way? when you felt like you could do anything? i remember when first held my wife, when i first kissed her, i remember when my girls were born, when i got to see their faces for the very first time, it seems like only yesterday i was bouncing them on my knee, helping them walk across the floor, helping them ride a bike for the first time, but now my oldest is getting married and is making a me a grandfather, and a in couple of years the youngest will graduate, as i sit here with their pictures on my desk, it is hard not to wish their mother could see how much like her they are, for they are growing up, and becoming young ladies themselves, so as i sit here i remember the past, and thinking of my girls i can be happy for a time, my nights alone when all are a sleep, when the house is quiet, i can remember has been, see what is now and hope for a good future.