Fevered Soul's blog: "Reflections From a Translucent Universe"

I don't sleep well. and when I do I dream too long. I can't sleep now. I try so hard, but I can't. He doubts me. I know not why. All I know is I can't sleep anymore. Now I need him. When I am in his arms, sleep will come. Along with the comfort I have been begging to return. All the things I have been chasing All of the things that I need to sustain... Somehow ran to him when I lost them oh so long ago. I have been chasing them for years. They led me to him. I just have to finish the commute. To sleep and comfort and love. A week or two.

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!! I AM THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD! I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS JUST KNOW IT TO BE THE TRUTH!

Things are looking up! I have had a resurgence of creativity thanks to a new person in my life! Yay!!!!! Been getting into fractal art as of late. And I find that it is so much fun to make! There is so much you can do with it! I think my gallery is vastly improved and I can't wait to wake up, if I get to sleep at all, to see what comes out next! My hubby is sweet enough to post some of my newer stuff right here on CT, and if you wanna check out more, go to feveredsoul.deviantart.com. If you REALLY like them, there is a few of them available for print there. And they are CHEAP! On another note, I just want to say that this place rocks! I am fairly new to CT and I have met some very rockin' folks here! Thanks to you all for being you.

I have decided that IKEA is the devil. Along with T.V. People just don't care anymore. Everything is plastic now. Of course people are not going to make do with what they have when they can go out and buy what they want cheap. But I have vowed to change that, at least in my world. Down comes the cheap Dali print in the feeble wooded frame. I will use my talents and what I have to make something beautiful to adorn my walls. Maybe it will prove to be a beautiful beginning. To couple with other beautiful beginnings in my life at present.

He is my essence. My soul in another. My creative drive. My love. Everything that comes out of me now is him. Everything I see, touch, feel, project. It is no longer art. It is an extension of my love.

Today I was searching through the depths of my mind And in the darkest forgotten corner, A corridor lined with doors was my find. I open the first door Inside was Love, simple and true The self same love I feel only for you. Onto the second door In this room is Trust You've earned it, please keep it For it is a must. I step through the third In this room is Tears The ones I cry each day They've fallen since I met you because you are so far away. On the threshold of number four... This room is too dark for me to even see I think I spy the reflection of the woman I long to be She has you lovingly by her side And has long since forgotten how and why she cried. But then the door closes, she dissipates, and I am alone. I will forever dwell here in this dark and desolate land Until the day comes and you lead me out Hand in hand.

My heart has amplified my mind Speeding thought process and slowing time. A brightened silhouette of you Has taken the place of my darkened view. Everyone knows why I love you. And why I go where nobody whats to. In fear I will find hope to hang onto You dear My love Guides the center of my soul Allows the inner voice to regain control. Nothing could ever break my aim And if something did I'd simply try again. Everyone knows why I love you And why I go where nobody wants to. In fear I will find hope to hang onto You dear, my Love.

My life has been a virtual rollercoaster. Full of rises and falls. Of upheavals and remodels. Of crowds and loneliness. Of silence and screams. I have hurt, healed, and learned. Bled. And cried. Laughed. And now I feel, It's crazy. I love it. The dragons in past are really Princes. Pointing me on my way to happieness. Here's to new boxes of crayons. And the colors they paint my world with.

I've decided that I don't do very well in 'bulk living' situations. I have never really had roommates... I have always lived either alone, or with a significant other. I now have 5. This perplexes me. I have no space to stretch out my projects and work on them for any amount of time that is useful. There is always someone in the way. They are all significantly younger than I, so I just don't understand their thinking mechs. Today, They invited me to go with them for a late lunch... one of their boyfreinds manages an eating establishment and was offering a free meal. I said I would like to go, but that I haven't showered yet or gotten ready for my day... they said they were leaving right then and there, so I had to decline, due to the fact that my vanity will not allow me to leave the house unshowered and such... no makeup is fine, but no shower is not. Well here it is, 45 minuets later, and they are still here... so why did they just tell me to jump in the shower and come along? who the fuck knows. this pissed me off... I am not rich, i could have used a free meal. I need to move. This shit happens all the time. I prefer to share dwelling with somone who understands me, and whom I understand... preferably someone I am sleeping with.

Maybe upon death my soul will flee to summerland
No longer will I have use of clever hands
Nor the burden of an ugly face
Hands and face planted like bulbs in the soil
While nothing but the Spirit emerges elsewhere
So let my hungry eyes see
My tongue taste
It tastes the wet that seeps down either side of my nose
Salt
All the world is salt
The fields are sown in it
Nothing can grow
But I must see everything
Notice everything let noticing take the place of screaming.