Altered Dreams's blog: "Record of the Journey"

Work gets in the way of fun. Will try to post more regularly. Rock on folks.

Gods I am tired. Dealing with labor and industries is enough to make anyone crazy. So there you go. Haven't posted for a couple of days cause the whole scenerio at work has me pretty much in the dumps. Do to know what I mean? So yet again I am on that constant thrill ride ( sarcasm noted here) that is my job. Yet again I am asking myself WTF am I still doing here? The job depresses me to the point of not wanting to do much else, and I don't see that changing any time soon. What to do what to do. All I see them doing is bleeding me dry again.. I want that to change.

Gods. I know its bad when I am counting down the hours till the day. I normally hate V-Day, but thats beside the point. I'm on antidepressants for a month. F*C this. its a matter of needing something to balance my mood out. I am tired of having to force myself out of bed each morning to actually face the day. So yes, its better living through chemistry for me for a while. I am sure when I get to feeling like I am not half a human being.. Which is pretty much how the sistuation at work has me feeling. You madam are worthless. You can't do the work. Your worthless to us. Well thank you #$()*#()*$ cause working for you got me into this blankity blank perdiciment.

Counting the days. Not sure if I will still have a job in a few days. The days seem very long in that respect. Go to work and look around and wonder if I will get to see these people again next week. All it does is make me sadder that these people that have been a part of my life for the last 8 years will be leaving it. Empty heart.. Open mind. Whats next down the road?

Welcome to my life. I'm the royal entertainment for a long haired chi.. That would be my dog. So half the Morning is playing toss with the chi. I am grateful today because I didn't set my alarm clock, and he got me up in time for a shower and my morning routine. so he got extra attention today for making sure I got up. Good pup.

I'm snuggled warm in my bed at I get this pressure feeling saying ya better get the #$*# out of bed or your going to have to be dealing with a mess in a mintue. So I wake up, and end up crawling on the couch with my little bit of fluff curling up on me. This made him extermely happy. I'm extermely unhappy at this because I was sleeping very hard at the time and woke up to my lower back doing the HI I AM HERE with very loud pokes to the nerves. Mornings. BAh humbug.

In the last three months I have learned that pain is a constant part of my life. Why is that, because I hurt my back pretty bad three months ago.. Now I am learning that the system is flawed, and you have to be less then noble of virtue to get it to work for you. OR they will run all over you. These things are out of control, and when it goes with flowing with it-- their is the rub of the challange. Why do I bother to get out of bed some mornings.

I think we like to put too much in on basket, or is that scattered around hell and gone and not sure which way to go. Sometimes I wonder about that. One of the things that flashed through my mind as I was standing outside meditating, IT was too dark to take any longer of a walk with the dog.. I am not going to risk him getting hit in dawns light. Nothing like that quiet feeling in the mist of dawn, not sure where the sun is going to come up, but you know it is going to. So as I am doing this this morning, I am listening to the frog croak with my heart beat, which was kinda fun :)

You'll noticed I have not put much in the way of my intrest on the profile yet. Thats to get use to all the fun and fine nature that is cherry tap. Also, as much as I love the photo love that is this site.. Need to work up to that level of partying I quess. I will work up to it. Might just use the blogs to record dreams of intrest. Not sure what I am going to do with this yet. I so need to get my life organized.

I ended up making a myspace page simply for the younger family memebers in my life, but not sure if I want to connect to them the fact that there aunt is a very hedonistic woman.. Hell I just took off the my space page that I was bi, simply because that is not a disscusion I wish to have with my teenage neices and nephews-- not afriad to, don't want there parents to yell at me for corrupting them. They haven't kept in contact with me, so am thinking about just deleating it. Except I have fun snarking folks on it. Doesn't that sound like a fun past time? Rather hang out here and see what else happens.