DEM0NiC x ANGeL QUeen Bee's blog: "Random"

Sometimes my heart wonders why I miss you? Why I like you? Why I talk to you? Why I care for you? Then I remember that special ed people need love too!.

1 A shrimp's heart is in its head. 2 The 'sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick' is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language. 3 Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants. 4 Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. 5 If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14,Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles? 6 In every episode of Seinfeld, there is a Superman somewhere. 7 A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. 8 23% of all photocopier faults world-wide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts. 9 Most lipstick contains fish scales. 10 Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. 11 If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. 12 In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand. 13 It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. 14 A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. 15 More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call. 16 Horses can't vomit. 17 Butterflies taste with their feet. 18 In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined. 19 On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. 20 On average people fear spiders more than they do death. 21 Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants. 22 Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.AND 98% OF THEM ARE MALE. 23 Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. 24 Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. 25 It's possible to lead a cow upstairs....but not downstairs. 25 Women blink nearly twice as much as men. 26 It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. 27 The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. 28 A snail can sleep for three years. 29 No word in the English language rhymes with 'MONTH.' 30 Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. 31 The electric chair was invented by a dentist. 32 All polar bears are left handed. 33 In ancient Egypt , priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. 34 An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. 35 TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. 36 'Go,' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. 37 If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. 38 A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. 39 The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. 40 Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. 41 Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.. A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k'?

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat. Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, You spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks. When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work. So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink, and party. As you get even younger, you become a kid again. You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities. In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy. You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap. Until finally...You finish off as an orgasm. I REST MY CASE!!!!!

"MICROWAVE FOR SALE" Only used once!!! Damn kids put the cat in it! Cat is OK, but now everything tastes like pussy!

BODYWASH: I can't go to tha cantina tonite cuz no BODYWASH my kids. SHOULDER: My tia wanted to become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I SHOULDER. COCKATOO: My friend was in the bathroom and I told him to hurry because I had to go COCKATOO! JUICY: Hey vato, I will roll the joint, and ju tell me if JUICY the cops!!! JUAREZ: My viejita slapped me and I said JUAREZ your damn problem! TISSUE: Hey vato if you don't know how to do it, let me TISSUE how! HEATER: My lil sister started to choke...perro my mom told me to HEATER in the back! BRIEF: Hey homes, my lady farted in the car and I couldn't BRIEF! JULY: Ju tol me ju were going to the store and JULY to me! Julyer!!! MUSHROOM: When my familia gets in the car......There's not MUSHROOM left! CHEESE: I went to dis bar and some vato try to hit up on my vieja. I said ay vato CHEESE with me!! TEXAS: My pinche friend always TEXAS me with dumb jokes. WATER: My vieja gets mad and I don't even know WATER problem is! HERPES: Me & my wife ordered some pizza, I got my piece & she got HERPES. HIGHWAY: I went outside and saw a friend walk by and said HIGHWAY! CHEER: I turned forty las CHEER! HORCHATA: You can keep talking your crap, HORCHATA hell up! FRITO: After arguing with the pinche policia he told me I was FRITO go!

Night Befo' Crizzmus Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood, everybody be sleepin' and da sleepin' be good. We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck, dat Obama gunna brang us our checks. All of da family, was lay'in on da flo', my sister wif her gurlfriend, my brother wif some ho. Ashtrays was all full , empty beer cans and all when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."Sh'eet, must be da law". I pulled the sheet off da window and what I'ze could see, I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me. But what did I see, made me say, "Lawd look 'a dat!" Dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by eight big-ass rats. Now ovah da years, Santy Claws he be white, but it looks like us brotha's, got a black un' tonight. Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came, and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name. On Biden, On Jessie, On Pelosi and Hillary Who On Fannie, On Freddie, On Ayers, and Slick Willy too. Obama landed dat melon, right there in da street, I knowed it fo' sho', - can you believe that Sheet? Dat Santy didn't need no chimley, he picked da lock on my do', an I sez to myself, "Son o' bitch...he don did dis befo!" He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck? Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold, to wear roun' my neck. But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit. He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit. Den, wif my shit in his bag, out da windo' he flew, I sho' woulda shanked him, be he snagged my blade too! He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch, and waz gone in two seconds, da democrat sonofabitch. So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git, 'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a shit!

I bought a race horse and named him "My Face" he's not very fast, but imagine all the men in the stands yelling Cum on My Face!