Templar's blog: "Random Thoughts in prose"

Were you voted a hot cherry or a pretty face based on some pictures...were you beat by what you would consider a FAKE PHOTO...do you know someone who has fell victim to mindless and overly repetitive voting? Looking to even up the score? Wanna be put head to head and voted on by real people? Here is your chance... Here at VNC we feel that anyone is game enough to do the show down...we have leveled the field and and want the beautiful people to put the real deal on CAM...thats right...on live stream right there in our lounge and have a show down and see if they can live up to the hype that a photo likes to give us...they say the camera doesn't lie, here at VNC we say the WEB CAM just gets rid of the bullshit! Interested to see if you are really the best...or a DUD like the rest of us average people? Then contact me via Ct email http://www.cherrytap.com/templar friend me so that you can get the updated bulletins.Join the lounge, to make certain you have a quick way in. Tell your friends, you will need people to vote, once we have the beautiful peoples ready to play, we will set a day. This is not limited to just pretty people like I said before ITS AN OPEN DOOR

Distraught, depressed, I'm hurt and angry, Torn apart with shattered dreams and a broken heart, As the days break and the mornings bloom, I see no light only darkness and gloom. This broken heart I can nurse no more For it is in pieces, shattered on the floor, Please god, hear my cry and heed my call, Show me the way or show me the door, Ive had enough, I cant take no more. So this is me, telling you, Telling you I want to die, knife to my wrist and gun to my head, Now you all know I wish I was dead. As the blade runs up I scream in pain, Oh my god, I sliced a vein, Now thats over there's blood on the floor, I couldn't stop cutting, So I cut more and more, I lay on my bed with a blood stained sheet, Now my death, I'm ready to meet, Wanting to die makes me glad Because its far much better than always being sad. Laying on my bed with an inch of being dead, I woke up from this dream and started to scream, I realize now That was a vision, That was me, That was my suicide. I'm sick and tired of feeling this way, Ive had enough and as much as I can take, I'm starting to wonder and beginning to see, Being depressed just ain't me, Looking back to those darker days I open my eyes and finally I see, Depression nearly killed me.

So alone Deep inside myself I'm crying I'm screaming and no one can hear But who would listen if they could anyway? Sometimes I feel I'm breaking Sometimes I'm not sure I'm whole Sometimes I realise I'm cold But who's gonna warm me now I'm too broken to be fixed So take a deep breath Catch your breath before it slips away Hold onto it, treasure it People will take it from you if they can The worlds cruel It'll destroy you if you fall So you're walking with your head down What is it your thinking? That if you get far away enough You'll leave everything else behind But it follows you A haunting shadow You can't leave the past Not if you're scared of the future Are you scared? To be alone? To feel? To hurt? Aren't we all dying a little inside? The rain starts falling Now no one can see you cry Not that they looked before It's starting to hurt inside The broken pieces scar your skin So drown in all your sorrow Let it wash the pain away There is no other escape You're alone You're hurt And no one will save you this time... But... who would want to anyway?

I think I'm depressed i feel the weight in between my Brest's i think i will never be happy that god just over looked me i think i just should take my life because all i cause is pain strife my dad hates me he told me so and my mom tells me she loves me but i just don't know i hate this feeling i feel inside the feeling that makes me so desperate and want to cry I hate myself i did this to me i put the stupid things first and above everything i hate the way i feel and that i will never seem to deal i hate the way i sound i hate the way my face is so round its just me that makes me sick i feel lower than a cheap trick i want to be someone else someone who's happy and not false but I'm just stuck with me and how much i really hate me

Tears want to fall no one is here to help no one like me I'm hate for something i can never control i walk alone i have no love i have no heart it dead just like me I'm dead yet i still live no one understand me I'm nothing but a failing I'm a dumb guy who cant for a reason to live or hope but why live if everyone want u dead i cry alone no one must see me like this i wish i was free from my pain people walk pass me like I'm not even there it hurt it feel like I'm not need in this world i wonder what my exist in this place i call home i have no Friend to help me in this darkness i live in people laugh at me people hit me like I'm a doll maybe i am a doll maybe that why i feel dead

What do you do when the world turns her beautiful back on you? Do you yell? Do you curse? Do you kick and cry, Or do you go after her? What do you do when even your closest friend, the ones you were always there for, turn away from you for someone you are? Do you kick and scream and beg for them to come back into your life? Or do accept their decision as a true friend and go on with your life?

Desolation, Wide open space, Between the trees and me, Emptiness and me, Confusion and decisions, Feelings hard to define, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, Coldness seeps Its way in, I am falling deeper, Into what I fear most, As I reach out, There is nothing there, As possible there was something once, Only to be gone, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, The sun drops, The last inch of light falls, The squirrels more likely to be huddled up, But not me, Something I never possessed, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, Then the sun has gone, Darkness spreads its wings over me, I see nothing so no one sees me, Feeling of bitterness only, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, An Owl peers down, With question in her eyes, She doesn't have a hope, In helping me, As she doesn't see my pain, Spreads her wings, Passes me by, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, The soft earth, Seems the only thing holding me up, Even then I could slip, And wondering takes me, To why and how I got here, Without even knowing it, Yet no one notices, As they didn't see before, So I say to myself, Just a little longer, Shimmering in the darkness, I see two moons, Reflecting off a stream of thoughts, Ongoing forever more, Along a rocky road, Slowly giving in to finding a way out, I take the plunge under the river, Then the wind carries a whisper, Gently on a breeze, 'Just a little longer.'

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under I yell for help but no one is there to hear it I begin to see the water at eye level and I kick and flail fighting to stay above the darkness But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me and I slowly begin to give in to the feeling that lies below the water line the waters starts to fill my lungs the lungs that once held so much life yet now they allow the murky water to replace that I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness But why doesn't someone grab my hand pull me from darkness's grasp? because no one knows I stand at the boundary the boundary between light and dark so I give in to the thing that holds me All of the strength and all of the courage that I once held in my heart can't save me from the water So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness undetected by the occupants of that world I don't want to fight anymore I've given into darkness

Something must be wrong with me with all this hurt inside, always bursting with anger, and never any pride. Something must be wrong with me if all I do is cry, I can't stop this pain all I want to do is die. Something must be wrong with me if my emotions run wild, all this confusion does is make me feel like a lost child. Something must be wrong with me with all these terrible things, always there and never gone depression is what it brings. Something must be wrong with me if I can't stop these thoughts, all this pain does is turn my stomach in knots. Something is truly wrong with me when I think there's only one way out, "Let this pain end," is all my heart will shout.

I get a funny feeling, it comes from deep inside. I get all mad and angry, wanting to go and hide. A doctor calls it depression, my dad says it's just me. But the thoughts and feelings, no one will ever be able to see. Some say I'm psycho, some say I'm just weird. It's like I'm a different person, and the old me just disappeared. I get really edgy, I want to commit suicide real bad. Then I get a headache, followed by feeling sad. I wish I could get help, I wish it would go away. Maybe if I keep praying real hard, it will some day.