BulletToofShay's blog: "Random late night bullshit."

So. I'm sitting outside. Possibly suffering dehydration and tolerating wind that feels like Satans ass gas for the simple fact that I am running away from laundry. AKA: Being an adult. Plus, I'm stressing about the whole getting older thing. To the point that I may be experiencing a mental breakdown. Within five minutes, I thought of some of the most absurd and hilarious mind-pickings. We'll see how good or bad this could be. I present to you, from the mind of a sunburnt and lazy, quite assuredly retarded Shay..."WTF Was I Thinking.." 1. Damn it's hot. Swamp-ass season. Swamp hunters...ass crocodiles. Wait...bungus gators! 2. A gator couldn't survive this swamp ass. 3. Man, I need...uh...a drink. 4. (Back inside staring at the dryer like its a slutbag pariah, while eating Cheetos) I could be like Chester and rub my fingers all over the clean clothes. Dickbag left a half can of Copenhagen in his pants and it got washed. Cheetos May be an improvement. Stick a pin in this and think of cons. 5. I need to get my brother to use the clippers on my neck. God damn Italian werewolf genes. "Wolfman has nards!" (If you know what that's from, I'll lick your eyeball) 6. *sings Bohemian Rhapsody in its entirety* You be the judge on just how far my cheese has slid off the cracker.

Have you ever walked into a room and found a vampire?

 

Not the sexy kind, but a foul, smelly creature with bony limbs and ashen skin? The kind that snarls as you enter, ready to pounce and tear you to shreds? The kind that roots you to the spot with empty, sunken eyes and you are unable to retreat as it slinks from the shadows? Has your heart pounded uncontrollably but your legs refused to pound pavement?

 

Have you shivered with fear as it places one gnarled hand atop your head and the other under your chin, exposing your neck for it's pleasure? Have you squirmed with disgust as it slithers it's rough and ragged tongue from your jawline to your throat, seeking that special artery? Have you felt it hiss against your skin, probing for your pulse? You know that spot. The one that goes "thump thump". It leaves it's wretched tongue there, savoring the life force under your skin. Have you experienced a soul-sucking feeling, realizing that not all vampires feed on blood, but memories?

 

Well, have you? Let me rephrase the question.

 

Have you ever come into a room and suddenly forgotten what you came in for?

 

Sleep tight.