bratty princess's blog: "poems"

i lay here thinking thinking of the one i love my heart full of love my soul whole once again he is my other half the light to my darkness my salvation after years of torment to be held in his arms to hear him say i love you to lean on him when im weak to call on him when i need these are things i yearn for things i would do anything for wishing for the time we are together when all i have to do is turn around all i will have to do is speak his name then be in his arms for all time

my heart is aching my soul is crying yearning for the one i love wanting his arms around me though many miles separate us whenever i close my eyes i feel his arms around me keeping me safe and secure i ache for the day we are together i ache for the feel of his arms the sweet taste of his kiss the gentleness of his hands my ears strain to hear those words my heart beats for him alone my arms ache to hold him i ache to spend my days by his side and the nights in his arms

I have a friend, she's silver and she shines, Her favorite subject's art and her favorite shape is lines, Her favorite color's red, she draws upon my skin, Some lines thick, while other lines thin, Sometimes she draws deep and the blood begins to run, To you it's disgusting, but it's just an addiction I begun, Never in patterns, just a line here or there, Never too much, just the pain that I can bare, Her favorite subject's art, and her favorite shape is lines, Her favorite color's red, my razor blade, she's silver and she shines.

As I put the razor to my skin, I feel the adrenalin, the pain is a sudden rush to me, as the blood falls to the floor I see my pain and worries disappearing. I hide my scars in fear of what you may say, but without you these scares will not exist. My love, my life, my reason I sit here and bleed. My smiles, my tears, my heart tares more and more. You deny your love, I deny my pain. The pain I feel when your not by my side. Some call it love I call it suicide. The razor can only go to deep, a person can only bleed so much, but the pain never ends. My nights are cold, my arms are empty The cuts cover up the pain, My smile covers up the hurt As you walk along to blind to see my hurt the days get harder the nights never seem to end I fake a smile and wipe my tears away I forget the truth. For when I am with you it feels so right. Without you I find myself lost and confused. Broken and torn. Kiss my pain away, Wipe away my blood filled tears, I long for you to save me

life growing inside me knowing its there makes me smile my body a cocoon for this fragile being my heart full of love for my unborn child my purpose in life soon to be fulfilled my dreams of holding a child of my own soon to be a child with a perfect smile ten tiny little toes ten tiny little fingers a wonder to behold i sit and wonder what my child will be like will the baby have my eyes? my hair color? will my baby look like me? or will the baby look like daddy? will my child grow up with my book smarts or its daddys street smarts all i can hope for my baby all i can dream for my baby is that it grows up with the best of both of us

people come and people go sometimes we are blessed sometimes we make friends for life friends we call brother or sister the bond has grown so strong these friends are the ray of sunshine in what could otherwise be a dark life i am lucky to have such friends some i see everyday some are a phone call away some i just have to get online and they are there it is the last group that keeps me sane they have been there for me through trials beyond count physical pain, emotional pain and mental anguish through relationships gone bad and last but not least my friends, me family online are helping me cope with the latest burden being a single mother my friends, my family when all i need to do is type a few simple words I NEED TO TALK and they are there whether they be near or far they do what they do best they comfort and console they love and accept and for this i love my family near or far the only family i can count on my family online LOVE YOU GUYS

pain and despair is all i know inside and out many scars you cannot see the others may fade with time the scars on my soul will remain for all time as raw and new as when i first got them seeming to never heal or fade the mental pain and despair grows deeper and darker when i stop and listen to myself all i hear is the echo of my screams i want the pain to end i fight the urge to pick up the knife wanting, needing the feel of the blade sliding the blade across my skin feeling its bite as it slices the warmth of the blood flowing gushing down my arms in rivers of red the pain washed away by the blood the despair floating away on the river of red watching the river of red as i grow light headed and the pain floats away this time as the blackness envelops me i feel at peace for the first time in a long time numb to the pain and despair stopping the flow of blood slowly returning to myself i look down at my arms and where flawless skin once was i see fresh scars still raw and slowly oozing blood new scars as a testimony a testimony to the pain and despair a testimony to life now i sit and wait wait for the despair, the blackness wait for the pain to return it always does it may be a week, a month, or a year but return it will

blood and tears pain and death darkness and despair barren and empty my life summarized in those eight words wounded and scared for all time some easier to live with then others some wounds and scars are distant memories others i must face daily scars no one knows or sees but me i live in fear of the night night means sleep sleep means nightmares nightmares that make me relive it all reliving the years of abuse reliving years of torment reliving years of pain having to live with the knowledge sealing that part of me away hoping that if i dont talk about it that it will all go away that the pain will slowly fade the scars will disappear my life will be normal but that is all a dream it will never happen the scars and pain may diminish but they will never disappear until the day i cease to breath whether it be from old age or the blade slicing my skin one final time my life one day hopefully will include more then blood and tears pain and death darkness and despair barren and emptyness

the feel of the blade on my skin the warmth of the blood flowing watching the blade slice one thin line appears at a time the blood starts spilling slowly moving across my skin washing away the pain no one can see replacing it with actual pain that can be seen trying to banish the memories trying to replace the emotional and mental scars placing physical scars upon my body instead

So many guys So many girls Falling for each other Little do they know What is to come Broken hearts They don't seem harmful But, oh, you are so blind The pain The unbearable pain That Broken hearts bring They leave you crying for help Falling to your knees in pain Wishing you never knew love Wishing you never loved Yet, love is so beautiful So wonderful, so amazing But not the after taste Oh, no, not that Broken hearts are so much harder to fix Than scrapped knees The scar is deeper That no kiss can fix Oh, the pain, the unbearable, throbbing pain Broken hearts bring