Red Headed Pit Stomper's blog: "Poems...read the FYI!!"

I’ve given up this dream I had A dream of me and you I’ve lost my will to keep hurting this way, It’s just too painful to pursue I’ll never be her I can only be who I am Not skinny, not very pretty But never a sham I want nothing more Than to give everything to you My heart, soul and mind But I can’t make you feel this too So I give up on this dream Because I fear it will never be I still pray with all I have That someday…you will see me A Desa Original

I'm wrestling with my mind searching for things I can't find clouded vision and blurred reality looking at things not being able to see is it real? Is it fake? Do I know how much more I can take? Is my head going to explode and why I'd give just about anything a try I feel so much pressure but from what? From Whom? can I even try to assume my brain hurts! It's screaming to STOP!!! before it blows and finally goes POP! God I want to scream! From the highest of peak I want to stop feeling strong and still so weak what the hell is my problem I can't see what's the deal what is this in my head I no longer want to feel! A Desa Original

I’m all warm and smiling now, Forgot what it was like for a while. For a bit I was getting kinda cold But now that ice is breaking with a smile. I’ve been laughing out loud, Not holding anything back I remember what it’s like to feel good now Now it’s sadness I lack. The words that you say to me, I can trust they are real I know it’s not been long, But I also know how I feel. I’m so much stronger now And I hope you can see your part Because you’ve helped me re-find me And I thank you from my heart. A Desa Original

Your words fill me up, Like a fat kid with cake. Days without you, Make my heart ache. What is it we have, What is this I feel? I know you are far, But I know this is real. I know you make me sing, And warm me to the bone. I can feel your arms around me, Even when I’m alone. Whatever this is we have, Whatever it is you’ve done. I thank the powers that be, For sending me this one. You’re sweet and funny, You’re kind and smart. You’ve reached right in, and warmed my cold heart. A Desa Original

I just wanted everyone to know that just because I've just posted these poems, doesn't mean that they are all recent. I've a million poems that I've saved a million different places...just postin em as I find em :)

Alone in the darkness, I fumble for the light. I wonder why you left me here, just took off in flight. I never thought it would happen, yet here I stand. Alone in the dark reaching for a hand. I'll find my way out, I always do. But I'm tired of finding, men, like you. I'm tired of darkness, lonliness and hate. What hell did I unleash before to bestow on me this fate. Alone in the darkness, fumbling for light. forver entombed in eternal night. A Desa Original

To be next to you, it's quite galvanic. You pull me in, my emotions are manic. I can't seem to speak right, my words always seem wrong. There's something pulling me towards you, and it's very strong. I can't explain it, I'm not some school girl. But when you're around, I feel in a whirl. My palms start to sweat, and I start to st stutter. My mouth gets dry, and my heart, starts to flutter. I don't know what it is, but I like how it feels. So I'll stay around, dig in my heels. Cuz when you feel the power, of the spirits taking course, you have to stay strong, it's a powerful force. I may not understand, not the how and the why. But I do understand, that I cannot defy. So I'll stand next to you, and seem like I'm fine, I'll wait til what I feel can somehow be defined. A Desa Original

I torture myself with dreams of you. hoping and wishing they may come true. when reality hits, I know u don't feel the same. Yet I still sit here, and breathe your name. I think of your face tracing lines that are in it and wonder who or what it is that made your skin split. I want to feel you,heal you make you sane in this crazy world be your protection from all that is hurled. still I sit and wonder why I torture myself why I can't just tell you take my courage off the shelf why can't I tell you I care that you do something to me that I just want to be there to be near thee. A Desa Original

I just got married are you happy for me? I just got married to loneliness and misery. I figured why not they never go away might as well make it official cuz I know it'll always be this way. I've tried to be happy I swear I have and when I did, misery laughed. It laughed and pointed, it nudged loneliness and said she thinks she can be happy?!? She's out of her head. She thinks she can get rid of us lets fix her once and for all they wrapped themselves around me like a giant barrier wall. Now no one will get close to her Ha she's all ours now and this is what replaced and kind of wedding vow. So no dress with I ever need no tux, no ring no dj, no band no one will sing It will just be us and for them that's fine I just wish my life could have been mine. A Desa Original

Tears soak my pillows, and stain my cheeks. It's always been like this, not just a few weeks. My life hurts daily, cuts here, bruises there. No one notices though, not even when they stare But I can hide anything, just wait a while. I swear that through any pain, I can always fake a smile. I've had to hide it for so long, it's become a part of me. So now even when I hurt the most, happiness is what you'll see. Happiness is my deception, Pain is the reality. My smiles are all mostly fake, sadness is my normality. A Desa Original