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NoGirlsToy's blog: "Nick's New Blog"

created on 05/07/2007  |  http://fubar.com/nick-s-new-blog/b80354

Killing Frsot

Icy smile.
Cold, cold heart.
Draw you in with warm words.
Fevered touches.
Heat.
Closer ... closer ... closer.
Penetrate my mouth, plunge into my body.
Leave my heart alone.
Lest I drive an icicle through yours.
by Rylan Hunter
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v34/angel3/?action=view&amp;current=Zwischenablage01.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v34/angel3/Zwischenablage01.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
"A man is made by his scars. Go on, show me yours”
I point at my arm
"Oil burn. Cooking for a friend, I spilt the roasting tray."

"No, deeper."
I peel back the outer layer and point to my deltoid
"Dancing, throwing my former lover in the air so he could do a somersault."

"No, deeper”

I peel back another layer and point to the back of my mind.
"Being in my brother's shadow. Constantly trying to step out of it."

"No, deeper."

I peel back my last layer and point to the very core of my soul.
"The first time you laid eyes on me. I don't think it'll ever go away."

"I love you."

Adding it up

 Can you remember?
Who smiled first, who made the first move, who risked it all?
You worked so hard to make me laugh.
I tried hard not to. 
You were all wrong.
Wrong age, wrong location, wrong everything.
I can't remember when it was suddenly so right.
The first time I stared at nothing and thought about you.
Hearing someone say your name and feeling my heart race.
Wondering if you were trying to make anybody else laugh.
Can you remember who we were before we were we?
I can.
We're still you and me.
But when you add it all up ... together, we're more.

Who's life is this?

Who do you thank
when finally something starts
to go your way,
and you’re so used to things being fucked up
that it takes you totally by surprise?

And can I complain to them
for not being there
for what seems like 99%
of the rest of my life?

Just who are you, Fate?
A concept?
An organization?
An idea?
Show yourself.

Or is it God?
Or a God.
A God that is in charge of a list
that I happen to be on.
Like a waiter’s station of tables
that I happen to be sitting at.

I’ve looked at this menu
and you always say the same thing,
“Out of that.”

No tip for you.

Not this time
Not this life


Or is it Karma?
What goes around
comes around.

You only get what you give

Some days you eat the bear;
some days the bear eats you.

You’re a sanctimonious one,
Karma.

Or is it myself?
I only have
myself to blame
for all the bad
negative
destructive thoughts
that bleed into my daily life.

You made your bed
Now lie in it


Taking responsibility
has never been
a strong suit of mine.

With goals written down,
promises made,
and lies kept at bay ...
I will only have
myself to thank
when I make it
to you someday.

Drift Away

Tired of thinking.
Breathe in deep and drift away.
Let the world disappear as the edges turn gray and I drift away with the pain.
His crime doesn’t matter.
His blindfold is not for him, but for the cowards who don’t want to look into his eyes.

Overwhelmed with choosing right from wrong.
Who gets to decide?
I can see the numbing peace that beckons to me as I take another breath.
Circle of hate, circle the prey, circle the moment that has him trembling with fear.
His heart races and he hears the shouts that condemn his soul.

Nothing makes sense anymore.
Rage triumphs reason until it’s nearly extinct and I watch the madness of those we elect, others select, those we despise.
Ignorance truly is bliss.
He feels the first one hit him and knows that it’s begun.
Already … he wonders how long before it ends.
Inhale my descent into nothing.
I want to escape a world I can’t understand
There’s a fear in me that those who do understand are even more lost than I am.
Gray with specks of pink, splatters of red, rivers of blood.
He lost count when he lost consciousness, just before he lost his life.

Tired of thinking.
He grows cold.
Breathe in and drift away.
He was chased from existence.

Let the world disappear as the edges turn black and we drift away with the pain.

Penance

Holy Mary, Mother of God ....

I'm so tired of being alone and I keep hurting myself over and over in my need to be loved or held or even just know the familiar touch of a hand in mine. Is this a test? I've done nothing but study loneliness for my entire life now and I'm ready for my finals. This is just too hard.

.....pray for us sinners ....
I didn't even know the last name of the guy last night that only stayed in my bed long enough to grind out his pleasure into my ass before rolling over and slipping out the door. I didn't know his first name either, but he seemed nice. Or maybe it was the self-medication.I don't want to die alone. 

.....now and at the hour of our death.....
When is it my turn to know the ache of loving someone so much that growing old with them seems the best thing I could ever do? Our faces worn and lined with wrinkles as we stand there with our sagging skin and visible veins and all we see is perfection. He would be mine, I would be his. Please don't let me leave this world alone.

Amen 

Great song

Visit my blogs

Kisses under the rainbow http://kissesundertherainbow.tumblr.com Homo Eroticus http://homoeroticus1.blogspot.com

Why don't you and I

Since the moment I spotted you Like walking around with little wings on my shoes My stomach's filled with the butterflies...and it's alright Bouncing round from cloud to cloud I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied Everytime I try to talk to you I get tongue-tied Seems like everything I say to you Comes out wrong and never comes out right So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world and be together forever Heads we will and tails we'll try again So I say why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven Cause without you they're never going to let me in And slowly I begin to realize this is never going to end Right about the same you walk by And I say 'Oh here we go again' When's this ever going to break? I think I've handled more than any man can take I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around And it's alright Bouncing round from cloud to cloud I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied
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