Innocence Lost's blog: "My Thoughts"

With every breath I take, I pray it is my last. Something's taken over I long for death & fast I'm tired of my feelings I keep burried deep inside I want something more than these pothetic tears I cry Something to end the pain that hangs over me Something quick & painless Something to set me free Make the voices stop I try to silence in my head Maybe they're the reason I'm wishing I was dead They won't leave me alone, always mocking me Why won't they go away, and just let me be ? Something's gotta give 'casue I can't take this shit Life let me go, I'm breathing my last breath Goodybye to those I know & the few that gave a fuck Death comes to all It happens & it sucks

Can you dry the tears I cry & capture the horrors i dream each night ? Save me from my morbid hell ; free me from my fucking shell ? Each day I wake, is this life ? I close my eyes & roll the dice Wanting the end to come right now Please God take me... someway, somehow ! Silence the screams inside my head that drive me insane at night in bed. My mind just races & will not stop with thoughts from the heart I should've forgot. I wish it would all just go away ; free my soul, but it just stays. Lingering there & hauting me, laughing ever so quietly But I hear the laughter loud & clear torturing me with all my fears. Visions of happiness I once knew How this all started comes back to you You keep me under your control, where you keep me from becoming whole Wanting death and NOTHING more Goodbye my heart, my amore

All this pain I hold inside as I fight the tears back from my eyes. The knife that's wedged inside my heart, forcing me back into the dark. With a blindfold on I walk through life, struggling to disypher the worng form right. Simple thoughts and nothing more, avoiding complicationg just through the door. The past is crawling back again... I keep on pushing, but it's creeping in ! The walls are slowly closing in... suffocating the innocent girl within. Looking over the edge I find a way.... something that promises a better day ! It's not long now before I jump, 'casue nothing can save my from myself !!!

I dream of words once promised, and now I start a life a new... Sitting here, listneing to music... wondering, what's going on whith you ??? Where you're at, and how you are ? Have you finally healed THAT scar? Now, I'm in love ; a SCARRY thought, wanting to get married... cause he is my heart ! Drinkin' a beer ; sitting at the ' puter, pondering on my future. But... still my thoughts come back to you........ what's up ? HOW ARE YOU ? I know I'll never see you again, but for so long you WERE my best friend ! I wish you were here to wish me well ; have some kind words ... something to tell. This pain within my soul... Only one thing can make me whole ! Just so you know... it's 5 am, what the fuck , GOD DAMN !!!! I can't sleep, or find no peace. Why is it so hard to escape your release? What kind of a hold of you have on me ? From a million miles away ? I'm so in love with someone other than you , so why am I wide awake texting you ? Listening to these songs , they're driving me insane ... FORCING ME to deal with my pain !!! Confronting what I try to avoid ; sitting here paranoid. I need my meds back, cause I'm stuck in my head , blinded and seeing RED !!! Laying here, my husband to be , sleeping so contently. So why am i sitting here writng this ??? NO WHERE else for my feelings to confess !

All this pain I hold inside as I fight back the tears from my eyes. The knife that's wedged in my heart forcing me back into the dark. With a blindfold on I walk through life struggling to disypher the wrong form right. Simple thoughts and nothing more avoiding complication just through the door. The past is crawling back again, I keep on pushing, but it's creeping in. The walls are slowly closing in, drowing the girl deep within. Looking over the edge I find a way something that promises a better day. It's not long before I jump 'cause nothing can save me from myself !

I hope every chance she gets she holds you tight and chases away your fears while you sleep at night. That used to be my job, but you gave me up... I hope this is what you really want. I wish you all the joy an happiness in life with no more trial, tribulations, struggle and strife. With no more pain, you deserve only good; saying this fromthe heart I'd give it to you if I could ! I'd give you the stars and the clouds in the sky ; I'd give give you back Kelsey, so you didn't have to cry. Does she kiss you on your forehead, and wipe the tears from your eyes ; let you lean on your shoulder and tell you it's gonna be alright. I don't know what happened and I probably never will... My heart is broken ; stomach is ill. I told you once : " I'll catch you if you fall " ; so if you get lonely or need me just call

sitting here listening to Tonight I Wanna Cry thinking of the most painful way to die... No explaination needed YOU SUCCEEDED Leaving me here to drown in my tears Making reality of my worst fears You don't even seem affected... you know why ? You weren't the one neglected Broken promises, I shoulda know Feeling ragged and all alone I shoulda seen through you from the start This is why I NEVER open my heart

How do you let go of someone you care about? Always leaving you blinded and your heart filled with doubt I can’t take this shit anymore it’s driving me insane I’m trying to hang on, but I can’t stand the pain I see something good, when I look into your eyes So much pain has scarred your soul, but that’s no reason to hide ! Siiting here with tears running down my cheeks... Sickness coming back ; silently I weep I’ll always be here if you ever need a friend I don’t know what else to say... this madness has to end I can’t deny these feelings I carry just for you But I don’t know what’s going on, or what the fuck to do What’d I do so wrong to make you act this way ? How do I let you go ? When I just want you to stay???

I don't like how you make me weak, when once I was strong I don't like how I love you, when I know you're not the one I try to bury my feelings; hold them all inside Starring up at the ceiling, a tear escapes my eye You make me so confused with actions louder than words It's my emotions being abused... I let myself get hurt The games you play you must enjoy; get some kind of rush So I'll be your little toy 'cause in your heart I'm stuck Help me find my way out and forget about you Cause in my mind there's no doubt... There's nothing left to do !

I feel like curling up in a ball and sleeping forever I'm tired of waiting for your call so whatever You clain you love me and want me there so why ignore me if you care? After all I've done and would give up for you... There's no quiestion my feelings are true I deserve to know what's on your mind so answer me this... Am i wasting my time???