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Empathy is defined as the ability to feel the feelings of another person. You can put yourself in their shoes and feel their happiness or in this case their pain. For the last eight years I've watched on TV as the names of the people lost on 9/11 were read aloud at Ground Zero. I saw in the crowd people holding photos of the loved one they lost. Each photo a story of a life cut short. This year I saw some of those family members in person. I SAW the photos with my own eyes..not on TV..right in front of me. All the faces I'd only seen on a television screen were looking back at me. The family members were passing me in the crowd. None of them knowing how far I'd traveled to be there. I was just another face among many.
We left before all the names were read and went down into the subway. On the bench in front of me was an elderly lady with two young men sitting on each side of her. In her arms in front of her she clutched a photo. The closer we got I was able to see it better. The face looking back at me was a handsome man in a fireman's uniform. His smile was so bright. Just one of those smiles who could put you at ease. She had his picture held tightly against her chest..close to her heart I expect. From her age and the age he looked to be, I guessed it was her son. I thought of my own son. I can't imagine the pain a mother would go through losing her child, grown or not. Parents just aren't supposed to bury their children. I watched her as she held the picture..staring blankly at the floor. I just wanted to hug her and tell her how sorry I was for her loss. I remembered in my pocket I had an angel penny. I walked over to her and took her hand gently and placed the penny in her palm. Lightly squeezing her hand as I did. I will never forget her eyes as she looked up at me. The look of sadness, loss, hurt, grief and pain in those deep brown eyes was unbearable. I just looked back into them, turned and without saying a word walked away. When I was a few feet away I looked back to her and she was gone...like she and the men with her vanished. I assumed the train came before I turned back..but when I told my son William the story he made me think twice....he said, "Well mama...maybe they were angels....." Maybe so William.....maybe so...
If that mother had anything good happen all day, I'm hoping my angel was part of it.
I heard the words welcome home we appreciate y'all over and over last night as I stood on the tarmac next to my fellow USO volunteer Hal. Hal is 70 years old, a Vietnam vet and one of the nicest people you could meet. He repeatedly shook hands and spoke his greeting to the returning soldiers. Most of the soldiers however were on a mission to find the restroom (long flight) and were understandably a bit hurried in passing us. All but one that is. I saw a young tall soldier come over to shake Hals hand. He was stopped in front of himl. Hal had his hands clasped around the soldier's and he was saying something that I couldn't hear. The young man, after such a long flight, stood looking down at Hal with a look of kindness and sincerity in his eyes. I just stood off to the side and watched..and tears came to my eyes. Only a few minutes before the flight landed Hal was telling me about his ordeal the day before. 10 MRI's, several bone scans and numerous different types of blood work..you see he has pancreatic cancer..so as I stood watching him speak in a hushed tone to this soldier, I couldn't help but wonder what he was saying or what this soldier was thinking as he listened.
My mind went back to the last episode of Oprah. I'm not an Oprah groupie, but something she said on that last show has stuck with me. She spoke of validation..how we all want to be validated. We want to know that we matter to someone. We want to love and be loved. And we want to know that we make a difference. We want to be heard. So as I'm watching these two men this comes to my mind. Is that what Hal's doing? Giving this young man the validation that he never got when he returned from Vietnam? Thanking him for a job well done..words he never got to hear. Or does he simply want to be heard? Does he need to tell someone that they're appreciated? I wonder what this soldier would say back to him if he knew about the cancer? All these thoughts flood my mind. When they're done talking Hal places his hand on the soldiers shoulder and say's welcome home..we appreciate you. And the soldier smiles and goes into the building. I look over at Hal and say..welcome home Hal...I appreciate you...
The 2996 Project was made so that all the victims, 2,996, would be remembered on this day. In my heart it should 2,997..because one victim who had no voice is almost always forgotten. Most people have never heard of him...well here he is..and here's my remembrance of him.
On this day eight years ago the world was changed forever. The victims of September 11 should never be forgotten. I'm taking this day to remember a victim who had four legs instead of two. A victim who I feel is forgotten because he wasn't a human. He was a Port Authority Police Canine. A four and a half year 90 pound yellow lab named Sirius. And the only canine officer killed in the collapse of the World Trade Center.
On the morning of September 11, 2001 when the first plane hit Sirius was put in his kennel in the basement of tower 2 by his partner Officer David Lim. David told him, "Wait here boy, I'll be back for you." But sadly he never made it back for his partner. David Lim was trapped in a stairwell when the first tower collapsed. While trapped he kept repeating, "Oh no, my dog. I have to save my dog." But Officer Lim along with several others weren't rescued from the rubble for many hours. In the meantime the second tower had collapsed, taking the life of his faithful partner as he sat waiting in his kennel.
On January 22, 2002 Officer Lim received a phone call from Ground Zero, his partner had been found. He returned to the site where his partner had been placed on a gurney and covered with an American flag. As he carried his friend's remains from the rubble all the work on the site stopped. The big machines silenced and salutes were given as Officer Lim made good on his word. He came back for his partner.
On April 24, 2002 a memorial service for Sirius was held in Liberty State Park. Over 100 police and search and rescue dogs attended the memorial. Many of their badges covered by a black ribbon. A trumpeter sounded Taps and bagpipes played Amazing Grace. A single pallbearer carried Sirius' ashes in a wooden urn. Handlers and dogs from as far away as California paid tribute to a fallen officer. Officer Lim was presented with Sirius' water bowl which was recovered from his kennel. It had been inscribed with the words "I gave my life, so that you may save others." In his words to the crowd in attendence Officer Lim said,"I grieve for many friends that I lost that day. I grieve for all those that I didn't know. I also grieve for the best partner I ever had. "
May the dog star shine forever bright in the night sky..you will never be forgotten Sirius.
There's something really special about sunrise on the tarmac. Because sometimes it's the last sunrise the soldiers will see on American soil for a while and sometimes it's the first sunrise they see back on American soil. I'm blessed to be part of either one. This day started out bittersweet. I was working my third deployment flight for that day. It was around 6:30am and I had been at the terminal since 12:30 the night before. I still had three more flights to work. The sun was rising, soldiers were walking to the plane and the whole sky was a beautiful deep pink. The color that only mother nature can you give you and can't be duplicated. I'm watching the soldiers go by wondering if they notice the sky. the last sunrise they will see on American soil for a long time. I just quietly watch..lost in my thoughts. When the soldiers leave they pass thru a line of American flags..on one side the flags are held by the Red Cross on the other by USO..there's seldom less than 4 large flags billowing as they pass and the volunteers cheer them on. The same is true when they come home. they walk thru the line of flags, cheering volunteers and well wishers. The plane loaded and took off. We watched until it disappeared into the morning sky. Then we all went in and got ready for the next flight...but this was a homecoming. I'm in the store room when I hear a lot of people talking. A lady comes in our room and says there's a wounded soldier in the building and his unit is on the plane. He has come to meet them. I finished what I was doing and walked out of the store room. There he was..a smiling happy guy..in a wheel chair..with 2 little boys a wife and his dog. :) We got word the plane was coming so went out and lined up like always. We saw him making his way over to the plane stairs. I noticed someone with a walker. We all thought maybe a second wounded warrior was on the plane..but nope. When the soldiers started getting off the plane, from across the tarmac, I saw that soldier stand and greet his battle buddies. And he stood up using the walker until every soldier was off the plane. I was so busy watching him I wasn't paying much attention to the soldiers who were home and passing me! Each one going thru our line of flags and cheers. I saw him being wheeled back over to where we all were. He took a place closest to the door but back from our line. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I'm not sure if I have ever seen that much emotion in a person's face. He was smiling ear to ear..but something just bothered me. That's when I realized..he hadn't been given a "proper" Savannah homecoming..he hadn't come thru the line. So I asked a Warrant Officer with him to please see if he would go thru. She went over bent down and whispered to him. The look on his face brought me to tears. He looked down the line at the flags and in a few minutes went to the beginning of the line and waited. We always stay outside until every soldier is in the building. It's hard to tell how many are left since they all wear the same thing lol. One of the volunteers said.."ok..that's it. They've all come thru" I said no, that's not it yet." He looks and says oh yeah I see one more coming...when that soldier passed the volunteer AGAIN..said that's it..I said no it's not..he looked at me funny and started to say something else..I'm usually very quiet and don't speak out much..which explains the look of shock on his face when I firmly said NO IT'S NOT it..we have one more...and I nodded to the soldier in the wheel chair..the volunteer said..oh well he doesn't count..he's not coming thru the line..I said like HELL HE DOESN'T COUNT!! And he IS coming thru so stand down and wait...thankfully the soldier in the wheelchair didn't hear any of this..and with the last of the soldiers off the plane thru the line..his wife pushed him thru the flags, down the line to the loudest cheers anyone got all day...his face was beaming with pride, my eyes were blurred with tears...he came thru the line..and now he was officially home.
I feel as if I should write something for today. But with the day almost over, my mind is still blank..yet my heart is full. I'm a simple person and I think I could be described in a few words..wife, mother, friend..and a patriette ( is that a word? if not it is now) So how can i possibly describe to anyone what Memorial Day means to me? Where do i even begin? How do you remember and pay tribute to those who believed in something so much that they were willing to lay down their lives for it? That's too big for me to wrap my brain around. But I can tell you from my bubble what i witness and what I know. I have seen tens of thousands soldiers leave for overseas. Most times I'm the last person they pass by before getting on the plane. I'm the very last smile, hand shake, be safe or touch they get..because the harsh reality is they won't all come home..Even though the USO motto is "Until They All Come Home"..even the USO can't make that happen. So how do I put that into words? Knowing I'm the last one..it's a heavy weight to carry..but I get to go home to my family..they go to war. They sacrifice everything they have..so i can go home. So I will carry the weight of being the last one. They may not remember my name or face..but they will know someone was there for them.
Which brings me to today..I had all intentions of going to Warriors Walk today..but i didn't make it. I bought the flags and windsocks to take..they are still wrapped up in the bags..i didn't make it. Did I forget? HELL NO..I would NOT and will NEVER forget. One of my soldiers came over for the day. He was alone at home and didn't want to be. So he stayed here. I asked him to go with me to Warriors Walk but he said no. He had memories of his own to remember his friends by. I respect that but I also made a promise to two families..I gave my word I would always try my best to take something to their loved ones tree. and was guilt ridden over the thought of letting them down..but I thought of it all..my soldier was friends with one of the fallen I was going to see..so I wondered what would he rather me do? Leave his buddy alone to go remember him at Ft Stewart? Or remember him in my own way and take care of his buddy? Soldiers are selfless..so I knew the answer. I stayed home. And at sunset I sat alone holding my flag up to Heaven and whispered words of gratitude to each brave soul looking down on me and the sight of the tiny flag blowing in the wind. I guess it doesn't matter how you remember..just so long as you do..
Tomorrow..I go to Ft Stewart and I will keep my promise.
I have only recently become a fan of the TV show Extreme Home Makeover.
I always thought the show just went around and picked people who needed
home repairs done.
Boy was I wrong! The older episodes come on CMT
every day.
Almost each one is a family who has had some form of tragedy
happen to them (which is why they need help).
I cry every day when I
watch it.
Most people ask me why I watch it if it's sad and makes me
cry? Well..because even though it's sad, it ends happy..or bittersweet
at times. It feels cleansing.
The show I watched today was
bittersweet..a dying mans wish was granted..and he literally passed
within days of seeing his dream come true.
Sadly he never made it out
of the hospital to actually see the home that was built for his family.
But he was awake and aware that it was being done.
His wife said that
he would live on in the house long after his passing..his spirit would
be there. And she didn't mean as ghost spirit..but the essence of him.
As I sat on the floor glued to the TV tears made familiar trails down
my cheeks. My kids both watching silently with me..and neither of them
asked why I was crying.
I suppose they felt the same pain the family
was feeling..of the kids who just lost their dad.
I sat and watched and
thought...what incredible beings we humans are.
Each one of us so
different and special. Some of us give all we have to give..and others
take all they can take. Some of us are kind and generous.
Others are
selfish and greedy.
Some of us love to the point of being taken for
granted. Others never really learn to love at all.
Some of us trust to the
point of being made a fool.
Others lie because it's easier than telling
the truth.Yet we all possess a spirit.. the spirit of a human is an
incredible thing.
It can be lifted, renewed, revived, or broken,
crushed and killed. I would know for I have experienced them all.
But
somehow I always bounce back..what does that say of my spirit?
