Lady Victoria Eclectic Pagan's blog: "My Poetry"

 

Lady Autumn, Queen of the Harvest,

I have seen You in the setting Sun

with Your long auburn tresses

blowing in the cool air that surrounds You.

Your crown of golden leaves is jeweled

with amber, amethyst, and rubies.

Your long, flowing purple robe stretches across the horizon.

In Your hands You hold the ripened fruits.

At Your feet the squirrels gather acorns.

Black crows perch on Your outstretched arms.

All around You the leaves are falling.

You sit upon Your throne and watch

the dying fires of the setting Sun

shine forth its final colors in the sky.

The purple and orange lingers

and glows like burning embers.

Then all colors fade into the twilight.

Lady Autumn, You are here at last.

We thank You for Your rewards.

We have worked hard for these gifts.

Lady Autumn, now grant us peace and rest.

A story told of new and old lives connected, then unfold a man, a woman, not lovers yet meeting by fate on the internet. They share their fantasies as passion builds telling truths and desires unfulfilled, feeling closer as they write being connected feels so right. The days come closer until they meet together their fantasies will become complete to explore the world of sex and pleasure a beautiful partner, someone to treasure. No strings to tie, only pure desire a lover that heats the inner fire no thought unspoken, no secrets untold their burning passion won't grow cold. Accepting each other without concern no angry heart or jealous burn exquisite desires, ecstasy found lover to lover... a perfect sound.

Been Branded I wish I knew what you think of me Maybe you're not sure what to think Damn the consequences I'm like an addict on the brink Climbing the walls Trying not to let it show They all think I'm keeping it together I'm too good, they'll never know The craziness, the emptiness That fill my nights and days In search of that something To fill the hole and show me the way I am lost Everyone mistakes the words I say One touch, a moment with you Now I'll never be the same I've got to get myself out Before I'm fit to be tied God knows I've tried to be "good" I've tried and I've tried I have this sinking feeling I'm doing things I didn't think I'd do I'm tired of trying to believe What just isn't true You see, I've been branded Mark left on my skin I feel it still, but now The burn comes from within

There is a long road ahead of me In this life, But still, I'm aware That the road behind me extends Far longer. There are times in our lives When we take stock of those things Which shaped us; Those things which we allowed To create us. I am such a crossroads. I don't like to admit it But I still feel so much discomfort In my Heart For things that seem to be so far behind me. I've grown weary of trying And still, I try. I've grown tired of the distance And still, I reach out my hand. I've grown fatigued at the cold And so, I put on my warmest sweater And I trudge forward through the deepest snows. Is it ego alone that brings me to this place? And what of the other things That life has offered up? Do I face the challenge undaunted? I think so. There is a great purpose In the knowing that I have found. Still, I am left with the ashes. Those scattered reminders Of the fire that once burnt so deeply In my Heart. Now where is it that I should Scatter those embers? Or do I just sit in them, Roll in them, And laugh all the while?

Even as things go downhill And life becomes hell Hope floats Even as the world deserts you And friends are few Hope floats Even as the only thing you have Is a loneliness that is scary Hope floats Even as all seems lost and Time remains a few grains of sand Hope floats Even as life seems beyond complaint And strains of joy become faint Hope floats There may be nothing else to do Than survive And yet…as the self becomes distant From the soul There’s a voice that says Hope floats...

I walked through the local cemetery last night It was so quiet, everyone was at peace I felt so welcome, so at home there among the deceased I begun thinking, why do I continue on why do I inhale even one more breath when all I dream of is the eternal slumber that can only be brought about by death Grief and pain are the only inhabitants of a soul which would otherwise be an empty space Was it time for the end? This was the choice which I faced After all, everyday is merely a continuation of the one which preceded it There have been times when I felt slightly hopeful but there was never any hope when I most needed it And there is little I wish to recall the years are wrought with sadness I've lost my mind, a million times but I always find it again within madness As my heart has drifted along I knew it could not stay afloat with each day that passed I felt it sink deeper in misery's boat So there, amongst the dead I came to the conclusion That it was time to bring an end to my life's illusions The blood flowed like a river as I took a razor to my wrist I would have made preparations, said good-byes but, I doubt I'll be missed It became so cold as everything went black for the first time, I felt peace because I knew there was no going back No hope. No dreams. No anything. I had no further reason to try I no longer wished to live I do not regret the decision I made to die...

Slicing and dicing, she cuts deeper and deeper, seeing just one drop of blood will make her happy. Crying and shaking, she raises the knife, wishing for the courage to take her own life. Pushing harder on the blade, trying to die, she often just sits and wonders why; Why are people so selfish and hating, nobody knows the pain she suffers through. She just wants love, why don't they understand this?, nobody says I love you or asks her how she is doing. Wanting love more than anything in the world, wanting to feel pretty once in awhile. Crying and trying to die once again, all she really needs is one caring friend. Depressed all the time for reasons unknown to herself, wishing all the pain would just go disappear. Trying to be happy and funny is hard for her, even when doing things she once did enjoy. No courage to actually kill herself, just cutting makes her feel better. Wishing she could die, not knowing why, just wanting love and companionship. Crying and shaking, she raises the knife, wishing for the courage to take her own life... Copywritten 12-06-84 - My 19th birthday after losing my daughter to SIDS...

She cried out for help, no one was there, nobody listened, they didn't care. People kept walking further away, leaving her with no one to wipe the tears away. She looked for a friend, nobody came, nobody liked her, there was no one to blame. All those years with nobody loving her, really hurt, and made her dreams all a blur. Her future looked hopeless, a deep dark black, people always stabbing her in the back. Soon she grew tired of the hatred and pain, said, "I'm leaving here, there's nothing for me to gain." She left with a bang, stunning everyone, killing herself with her father's gun. Everyone laughed, nobody cried, it was a party when she died, One lonely girl, killing herself and so scared, just because nobody cared. Copywrited 10-14-84 Just another diatribe from the past - and I thank all my friends that cared enough to see me through then as well as now...

The emptiness and darkness is returning, that lonely feeling; the heart is burning. Once, I pushed those feelings away, they were gone for awhile, they're back today. This time could be the end for me, I could finally be gone-my sad soul set free. The empty hollowness in my chest gone forever, could it happen? please? no-never! I was so happy for a long time there, the pain disappeared, ran off somewhere. It didn't go too far, found its way back, right when my life was finally on track. Finally I've come to a harsh conclusion, all my hopes and dreams have been an illusion. So much heartache, pain and strife, what I want is to end this life. That won't happen, I'm not brave enough, tell me why this life has to be so rough. Your help, dear Goddess, is what I need, nobody knows how my heart does bleed. Everything’s piling up, I'm quickly sinking, no rope to grab is what I'm thinking... (unfinished)