Jezzebelle's blog: "My Poems dealing with heartbreak"

So often people say they found their lover in their friend.
I just have to wonder if they ve found a means to fit their end.
I thought I knew you for so long, but now I ve come to see
That this man is a stranger, and you don t remember me.

For the first time in my life I wanted someone I could keep-
To treasure me both heart and soul, to hold me in my sleep.
When I saw you I was overjoyed, my search at last concluded,
Who knew that I would come to find that I was just deluded?

Because as we grew together something still kept us apart,
I have your body and your mind, but I ll never have your heart.
And I still wish that we could have that true love and forever,
But reality stole my happy ending, leaving me with never.

And if you asked, what would I say?
Would I dare to throw it all away?
Would yes be right? Or is it no?
But we never ask, so on we go.

And still I know that in the end,
You re not my lover but my friend.
This is the truth that I despise
When I suddenly realize:

We re not in love.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

is to know such pain, it's jagged edges tearing into my soul. As a stake from the garden tears into the warm, dark earth.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

knowing all the while that never again will I fit myself, warm with sleep, against your solid back.

Nor hear your steady breathing. Or feel the beating of your heart.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

aware in every moment of every day that my dreams, my future; once tied with silken ribbons to yours, will never come to be.

And the mornings once so silent and hopeful, us gazing at the mountains and so gently awaiting forever - are now but small pieces of my past.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

your heart a tight fist of anger and your dry eyes betraying nothing of you. I cry for both of us, my love, because you will not.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

is to know that I've lost my place on this earth. My station. My heart's home. That I will wander, forever a nomad. Alone and afraid. And in my troubled dreams watch you leave, again and again.

For the balance of my days.

Why do I smile at the sound of your voice?
Why do I let you take over me as if I had no choice?
Why do I let you touch me in places never touched?
Why do I like to have you around so much?

Why do I melt at the tenderness of your kiss?
Why do I feel like I could live forever like this?
Why do I put my heart in your hands?
Why do I answer to your every demand?

Why do I tell you leaving me is not your wrong?
Why do I let you know with out you I'm not quite as strong?
Why do I take you back even though I know it's not right?
Why do I feel like I should please you by not putting up a fight?

Why do I care about you even though you hurt me?
Why do I turn my head from what's plain reality?
Why do I try to hide from what is true?
Why do I still have these feelings for you?

nside my sleeve, I pull out my heart,
handing it to you, "careful it's fragile,
and easily falls apart."

Extending your arms, you take the heart in
your tender warm hands.
It falls into a million shattered pieces - on
the floor it lands.

You begin to bend down to pick it up, sorrow and
sadness in your eyes.

Apologies are not enough.

Looking at you with tears in my eyes,
I ask you not to pick up the pieces of a heart
that has fallen apart.

I am the one who needs to pick up the pieces of
my shattered heart - one by one, piece by piece.

I need to put it together again, some how. some way.

Each piece of my heart has a memory so true.
Each piece of my heart has part of you.

You are the one who is leaving to start a new lease on life.
I'll just be here on my knees picking up the pieces of a
heart that feels like it's being pierced with a knife.

All my tears won't keep you near
All my tears won't mend what's not here.

Again I look at you with a whisper in my voice,
The only way my heart will mend and finally be complete,
is if you and I can come together without being discreet.
You see, what we have here and today, helps me face the
world, with a love for you that gives a glow -
but now, my darling, you made a choice.

My heart is on this floor, shattered and broke.
With each piece I pick up -
I need to learn to let go.

Looking in your eyes
I feel myself falling in love with you
You said I love you
And I said it too

We went to our very own special spot
For no real reason at all
We sat and talked and looked at one another
And then the rain began to fall

We could have left just as quick as we came
But no, you wanted to stay in the rain
You asked me a question I�ll never forget
Have you ever tasted the raindrops?

I looked at you funny and you gave me a sigh
The cutest look, as I wondered, why?
Why, did you ask me to taste the rain?
Well, what did have to loose or gain?

I watched you with a careful eye
And did the same as you
You were looking up at the cloudy sky
But my eyes were stuck on you like glue

I lifted my head to look at the sky
And closed my eyes really tight
Just as I thought I�d caught a raindrop
You suddenly held me tight

I opened my eyes with slight alarm
As you kissed me soft and sweet
I remember that kiss like it was yesterday
I still feel those raindrops on my cheek

I tasted the raindrops like I never had before
It was worth every second of bliss
Every time I think of that moment
I think of my raindrop kiss

We sat close together on that one special rock
And we held each other tight
Then almost as suddenly as it came
The sun came out from beneath the rain

The most beautiful colors I�ve ever seen
Came out on the western sky
The sun was setting and the moment was perfect
More than any money could buy

As the sun slowly set and the sky lit up
You began carving our names in our special rock
I told you I would never forget this moment
In my heart this memory is locked

As our names were finished and permanently engraved
We watched the sun finish its day
We slowly got up to leave this place
Which was a year ago this May

I haven�t been to that spot in a year
Where did all the time go?
I will visit this place alone this time
And I will finally have to let go

This memory will be in my heart forever
But you will not remain in my mind
I don�t know if that love, will be seen again
For that love I cannot find

I will go to this spot as we promised we would
But you will not be there this time
Why is it that you can�t keep your promise?
I know that I�m keeping mine

Never again will I taste the raindrops
The way I did with you
And when I go to this spot again
I will say goodbye to you.

Words of wisdom
come to my ears,
Telling me what I know in my heart,
But never wanted to hear.

With the truth finally said
and out in the open for me to plainly see,
I wonder why I can love so deeply
but never had that love returned back to me.

I confessed the feelings
that I held inside for so long,
But with his soft- hearted rejection,
I realize I have to be strong.

With tears that want to flow
from my eyes,
I feel that my heart,
along with my composure, slowly dies.

While this dramatic side is showing through
with my ability to question and reason,
I think I may have found
something in me that I can believe in.

Love hurts . . .
That's what they all say,
But I will love again
when all this pain and sorrow goes away.

So I sit and think of all the things
this situation has cost,
And I realize that nothing
very important has been lost.

Instead, a learning experience
has come from all this.
I've learned that hardly anything
is more important than my happiness.

Pain... Tension... Fatigue...
Depression...
Anger, Aggression, Frustration.
All these unwanted sensations -
Burning, hurting, tearing.
My heart alone, cold and fearing.
Why won't you let me sleep, let me rest,
Let me forget
To eradicate, eliminate, destroy all my regrets?
These memories inside, swirling, twirling,
unwilling to reside in the corner of my mind.
Repeating, resisting, insisting -
Refusing to be denied its recognition
Of its position in my
Frustration, Confusion, Delusion.
Ah, to close my eyes and let time fly by,
Because there's so much to gain
By forgetting these dreams driving me insane.
Unfocused, unclear, out of control,
My world spinning, spinning, spinning,
My sanity flying through the door.
My reason, my logic, oh, it's tragic,
Like fine sands running through my hands,
I'm losing my mind.

I waited for your love in hope,
That ours would come again,
And make me feel the things I felt,
When we were one, back then.

But time and distance have erased,
The things I wished anew,
And now I find myself alone,
Though I am here with you.

What good is love, that does not touch,
What good is love, that gives you pain.
What good is love, that makes you run,
And makes you lost out in the rain.

I traveled to another world,
Out far beyond the one we knew,
I thought that I could live again,
And now I find I'm back with you.

But what of hearts that beat as one,
And what of passion and embrace,
Is it too much to ask of you,
To make these tears of mine erase.

What good is love, that does not touch,
What good is love, that gives you pain.
What good is love, that makes you run,
And makes you lost out in the rain.

Too painful this - to journey back,
To times of love and laughter free,
The times we lay together with
A sense of you , a sense of me.

So now, I journey on alone,
Forever wandering, in my thoughts,
And I shall ask you once again,
What good is love.

Window panes come crashing down
Amidst the tears and pain
Vanishing hopes are gone and flew away
Up above through twilight
Shadows cast across the floor
Reflections of the past
Trembling thoughts of one
Dwelling deep within the soul
A mystical sense of reality
Captured by the craze
All in bewilderment
Of the shock in the wave
Creatures of the dimness
Chattering amongst the green
Everything slows in stillness
What is this we see?

How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . . the times you've left
My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together
Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now . . . only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you
May God's best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way.