Sweetpea's blog: "My life"

Well i got me a new little man in my life to love the cutest little thing ever. His father still hasnt seen him and he almost 3 months old. his father has missed out on the first smiles the first laughes and giggle how big he is getting its his fault and if i have it my way the asshole will never see him ever.

little man was born march 30th a week early he was 7 pounds 13.5 ounces 19 inches long and SOOOOO cute.

As most of you know i am pregnant I found out on November 24th that i am having a little boy Dotlan-Ray Nathaniel Jewett. In the ultrasound on the 24th it was found out the he could have possible Congenital hydrocephalus (congenital meaning developed before birth) I have included some information about it becasue i know most of you will wonder what it is. We will have another ultrasound in January to detemine if it is 100% but i ask that you would please pray and keep your head up for us. with everything i have been handed in the last yr i hope that this would be one more thing i can handle. its very hard to deal with and i have been up almost all night trying to cope and understand and i still dont but i know it will come in time i love my unborn son like the others even if he is not here yet. so thank you for reading and i hope you will pray for Tyson Roy-Allan, Doltan-Ray and I. The word hydrocephalus is derived from two Greek words, hydro, meaning water, and cephalus, meaning head, and once was called "water on the brain." Hydrocephalus is the condition caused by the accumulation of an abnormally large amount of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the skull, or cranium. Normally, CSF flows continually from the interior cavities in the brain (ventricles) to the thin subarachnoid space that surrounds the brain and spinal cord. Congenital hydrocephalus affects about one in every 1000 births. The overall prevalence in the United States is about 0.5%. Most cases are detected early, either at or soon after birth, congenital (developed before birth) If the cause is congenital, symptoms such as an enlarged head may be present at birth. Congenital hydrocephalus occurs and is mostly gentic Congenital hydrocephalus occurs during fetal development and is present at birth. Treatment Treatment usually requires draining the excess fluid from the brain by diverting it to another place in the body. Shunt A shunt is a soft, flexible tube usually made of silicone rubber or plastic. Most shunts consist of a valve that promotes drainage and a catheter, a tube that connects the drainage site to the deposit site. If there is high intracranial pressure, a small sensor may be added near the valve. This sensor allows the neurosurgeon to monitor pressure levels. The shunt used for treating hydrocephalus is usually permanent. The shunt is inserted with one tip in one of the ventricles of the brain and the other tip in the abdominal (peritoneal) cavity. This is known as a ventriculoperitoneal (VP) shunt. Less commonly used drainage sites include the right ventricle of the heart, the gall bladder, and the pleural space around the lungs. Depending on the location of the obstruction, fluid also may be drained from the subarachnoid space that surrounds the brain. Prognosis Hydrocephalus is usually a lifelong disorder. Prognosis depends on a number of factors, including the underlying condition that resulted in hydrocephalus, its duration and degree, as well as response to treatment.

Ok so here it is i am 14 weeks pregnant and am all alone of course the babys daddy knows i told him time and time again. hes been back and forth between her and me and i got the short end of the stick. he tells me to move on but hello im pregnant with a ever expanding belly and really dont get out much anymore casue i am afraid of throwing up on someone. so what do i do now and how do i keep my head up only been in love one time with one man. and i dont know how to get over him?

HOW could i be so stupid how cuold i love someone so much to try and try and try to make them happy to keep trying to make things right to show him the better way out the way things could be different to try and be the woman he wants to be the love in his life to be the one to take away allthe pain to show him love to show someone on so much how much you really do love them and want them in everyway shape and form to be the world to them emontially mantally and physcally to be left broken hearted in pain in shame in dispair with no one nothing left not even diginity to feel so stupid for loving some ne. how do you replace that with the hate and anger to move on to try anohter day to try with somone else to or move on for whats best to try to even think that there might be a possibily to love someone else when you know that the one love you want you cant have to have to know that no matter how much you put on your sleave that there is nothing AT ALL that you can do nothing but pain and anger to try and hide and move on another day. to keep going to keep your head up to have done it so many times in the past to do it this on elast time but tohave the feeling you can not do it one more time that you dont want to you wantit to end and to have the feelings that this was the end to want so much out of somethinig for it not to end the way that life is telling you it should.WHAT DO YOU DO NOW??????????????? PAIN HATE ANGER I FEEL IT ALL AND ALL I WANT IS LOVE!!!!!!!!! I WNT TO BE LOVED

Pain The scars that never heal The blood that never cools The life you live The heart that hurts The words you can never take back The actions that sting the soul The world that turns it back The love that can never be again Try to make it right Try to love again Try not to let it hurt Try to see a better day Try not to let the world see the pain Tears Lies And a soul that Cries That is what pain is.

well i FINALLY got then i have to get some pictures i finally got my new tat LIVE LIFE down the back of my calves! rock on the letteras are a blue that fades to black and it looks so freaking awsome so ill go take some pics and post um for ya!

Ok so there are a few things that I need to get off my mind just some things bugging and it makes me feel better so that I can do this since right now I have no one really to talk to. Well last night I found out that boyfriend really is with his other girlfriend still. That she is not his ex. Wow what a hit in the face but I kind of knew it I kind of expect it this kind of stuff always happens to me. Why I guess because I am too good of a person to not let it. Well it all happened like this matt and I were laying on the bed are we were talking and I told him what my biggest fear was my biggest fear being that he would run back to her (this is with me thinking that she was his ex gf) after the new baby was born because see he has a new baby on the way with her. He started telling me that he has little respect for himself right now and I asked him why and he said he wasn’t going to tell me because it wasn’t the right time and he didn’t want to be leaving my place tonight and I said I already know and he looked at me kind of cocked his head and said what do you think I was going to say and I said right out to him “that you have been with her since you have been with me” he got this shame full look on his face and said yes but I haven’t been honest with you I said ok. He said she is not my ex she thinks we are still together and I lied to her I told her that your roommate isn’t your roommate she thinks that she is your lover I am thinking omg I got mad at that I didn’t get mad at the fact he told me that they were still sleeping together I kind of already knew you know a woman’s intuition and all that feeling when they come home and are all tense and you cant quiet but a finger on why they are so distance and there is tension but you have a good guess because you figure they were in another woman’s arms? When there’s not a trace of you around him except maybe a non programmed phone number in his phone and he deletes your comments about I miss you on his profile or hides his email when you come in the room. Its kind of a for sure thing or when you see that she is buying him strawberries and whip cream on fubar and then you get to wondering hummmmmmmmmmm why then you get mad and a little jealous then all the stuff that you wonder if its true. I could feel something was bothering him but what the time we spend together I am just so happy I just kept trying to push it out of my mind. Trying to tell my self it wasn’t true. I asked him if he loved me he said yes but he couldn’t explain it. I asked him. Is it the passion love that love when you’re happy and content and the most lovingness touch from this person makes you happy? And he said with about a doubt the out restrain that yes he love me that way. I told him I understand becasue I do I know the feelings from someone who is the other half of your child’s life I was with my ex for 7 yrs. Well was we laid there and talk and I realize that we do love each other but he does feel obglagted to be with her because of this child even though he does love her in that way that a father loves his child’s mother. But loves me in the sense that I am his lover and compassion and his happiness and I bring him things that she can not. I feel like a substitute for what she does not have. But in another sense I know what we have I know the passion and happiness we share with each other. I know he is not happy with her I know that the feeling of loving her but not in love with her are there I know in my heart how he looks at me how he touches me how he talks about me to me with me the he loves me!! or am i dreaming?

Ok so i got a bit mad and had a bad attitude but what would you think if you seen that yout bf/gf was getting sexy gifts on here from thir ex? i can undertand random people but your ex to me that means there is something there and that and he was suposto to have told her about us the day before? i guess i am just a bit confussed and hurt. but i guess ill live right no one ever died of a broken heart.

hey i posted a quiz on my profile page go see how well you really know me and who ever get the tops spot wins a prize from me

OMG i hurt so bad today after a little bit of a wake up every muscle in my body hurts it feels like i got ran over by the truck instead of hit for those of you who dont know tuesday afternoon appx 4 pm i got in a serious accident that totaled my car i was rearended on the way to pic up my youngest son and a pickup hit me sending me to the hospital i had jammed my hi[ hit my head messed up both my knees and my shoulder and a bit of whip lash i am so sore and hurting i want to cry but am living through the pain with the help of pain pills of course. please pray for a quick recovery and that it didnt go permante damage to my hip dr said possible pyhiscal thearpy. ill keep you updated i should be back to my slef in a couple days i have posted pictures for you to see what happened. my poor little car she will be missed (lol) ty laters Vic