cagree's blog: "My Father"

This blog is to tell everyone whats up with me.A lot of you already know but for those who don't,here goes.In November I had to take dad to the doctor and from there to the hospital here at home.After many tests and many doctors they told me that he was "full" of malignacies.A surgeon was called who promptly said to me,"I would not operate on your dad,it wouldn't do any good.His "plumbing" was blocked so we had to then take him to the University of Maryland hospital.They put a stent in to relieve the pressure and allow his system to work for awhile anyway.The doctor at U of M daid to take him home and let him enjoy christmas with his grandchildren.Which he did,as much as he could anyway.He went back to the hospital here at home over the weekend.after stablizing him they talked to me about hospice.My father has end stage pancreatic cancer.Dad came home from the hospital yesterday and the hospice team came shortly after.My dads wish is to be at home and I want for him what he wants..So,that being said,now most of my time is taking care of him,The nurses and aides will be coming probably on a daily basis but except for the time period that they are here,an hour here and there,its mostly me taking care of him.I feel like my heart is being ripped into shreds most of the time but am trying hard to stay strong for him and the kids.The doctor told me yesterday that it probably will be around 6 weeks,possibly less.I will be here on FU when i have a free minute here and there.My fufriends are a great source of comfort to me and I appreciate the love and supportI will update this as I go along when I can.