The Repo Man's blog: "My Blogs"

THE "IF" questions.... If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you walk out of the door, I would hug you and kiss you and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I heard your name lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play it back for days. If I knew it would be the last time to spare an extra minute or two, I'd stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming that you know I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day. Well, I'm sure you'll have many more, So, I'll let this one slip away. For surely there is tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we'll always get a second chance to make everything all right. There will be another chance to say our "I love you," and certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do's." But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today might be your last chance to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not! do it all today? For if tomorrow never comes, You will surely regret the day, that you didn't take the extra time for a smile or hug or kiss. And you're surely not too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their last wish. So hold your loved ones close today and whisper in their ear. Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear Take the time to say "I'm sorry, please forgive me, Thank you or It's OK", and if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today. Apologize and start a! new and tell the one who loves you, that you love them too!

Trembling with overwhelming apprehension He sits rolled up in a corner, head in his hands Hopeless tears fill his eyes And rain down his wounded arm Missing the days spent laughing with her He was the happiest he had ever been Those days of feeling safe and careful have vanished And left him feeling tormented and abandoned Broken-hearted and an emotional wreck he lays in the dark The night rests its hand on his troubled head Because it is the only one that understands Closing his eyes he can almost see her laying next to him But such a trickster the night can be Giving such illusions of a distorted reality She is not there but far away not thinking about him Or of what she did because she has found another, as they all tend to do Leaving him to wonder, to ponder, to wish That all this was a mere dream and she would be there when he woke up But that seems to be his life...wishing Too bad wishes don't come true The stars twinkle in the glow of the moonlight Stunningly beautiful, something he'll never be In the stream of light so pure from his window He digs the knife deep into his skin until his physical pain matches his emotional one Crimson drops on his tool disappear when his hungry tongue glides over them Closing his eyes in bittersweet bliss he lets out a sigh of anguish And how bad he wants to take revenge on those that wronged him But knows even then it will not cure the incurable Anger sets in and the rage takes over Screaming as he throws things across the room or out the window Breaking everything in sight he can't believe the people that have come into his life So much painfully bitter animosity it's killing him Reaching under his bed he knocks over the empty liquor bottles and drug containers Searching for his needle and the right container Finding it he sets up on the floor his little medical area And when ready, injects that oh so wonderful liquid into his veins and waits The feeling comes upon him and subdues the fury So warm and so inviting he lays on the bed soaking up the morphine He pick up the phone to call his neighbor over She loves when he's in this state She walks into his house and into the room From her smiling he knows she brought it Another needle of his third addiction She injects his other arm and then he injects her Hiding the bag under his bed she starts kissing him Pulling him up and undressing his fragile body She was enjoying the pleasure he gave her And heavily drugged he never said no He, 20 years her junior, allowed this married woman to control him sexually And never did she once show concern for his health When she was through with him she went back home to her unsuspecting husband While the young man fell deeper into depression with his indulgence of his favorite alcoholic drink Breathing hard with a bottle in his hand he stumbles toward the phone But never makes it that far, falling to the ground And the bottle smashes to the floor spilling its contents all over One last glimpse before the house becomes dark Ambulance arrives but all is too late His heart refuses to beat because death was his fate Tears from his loved ones as they stare in disbelief Why did he have to do this and cause them so much grief? But had they been watching they would have known All the warning signs of something bad was surely shown They didn't act so they are half to blame A young life ended so early is a total shame A troubled man so in need of a friend Someone honest, caring and loyal to the end His death could have been avoided and his suffering too If people had meant it when they said "I love you"

We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel competely alive. Wehere every sense is hightened every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesn't diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives

Life is a prison, Oh God let me out. No one to listen, To hear when you shout. Climb the walls of insanity, Ride the waves of despair. If you fall it don't matter, There's no one to care. Used to wish for a window, To see birds, trees and sky, But you're better without one - Stops you aiming too high. Watching freedom is painful, For those locked away. Seeing joy, love and happiness, Another price that you pay. Strong is good, weak is bad. Be it false, be it true. Your mind makes the choice, And enforces it too. Cell walls built by society, With rules to adhere. If you breach the acceptable, You had better beware. Hide the pain, carry on, Routine is the key. Don't let on that you're not, What you're pretending to be. Lock it all up inside you, How badly that bodes. Look out for that one day, When it all just explodes. Leaving naught but a shell, Base functionality too. But killing all else, That was uniquely you. So how do you grow, With a timebomb inside? Or how to defuse it, Without destroying its ride? You can't.

There's a moth on the window, and it's looking at me, I'm wondering how much of me it can see. Can it see my fat thighs? My double chin? Can it see my rib-cage protruding through my skin? There's a moth on the window, and it's watching each step I take, I am wondering how many moves I should make. Can it see my stomach? My tires and rolls? Can it see my cheekbones? My paleness and hollows? There's a moth on the window, and it's spreading its wings, I am wondering how it sees, all these ugly things. Can it see my kilos? My back-side of doom? Can it see my sickness? My empty room? There was on moth on my window, but it's now flown away. I am wondering why that moth didn't stay. Did it see my fat thighs? My double chin? Did it see me kill myself to be thin?

I don't care how much faith you have this tells it how it is. ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it. FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN... In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

The first key to success with long distance relationships is effective communication. It is important for both parties to be able to feel that if they need to talk or write to the other person, communication will be welcomed and met with active communication from the other. The quality of the relationship is more likely to increase if both people develop the ability to share feelings openly with each other. The second key to success is a demonstrated commitment to the relationship by both parties. What kind of commitment, and how serious or light it is, will be different for different couples. Being so far apart can be a scary and risky endeavor for most couples, so the third and fourth keys are a willingness to take risks, and the presence of a solid and secure trust between the two people. This doesn't mean that each person needs to skydive from a plane, but rather, that each will trust that the other person's social life in his or her own town will not be a threat to the relationship. Trust is so important that if it isn't strong, you can make a conscious effort to work on it, both on your own and together. This point leads to the fifth key, independence for each person, with a healthy level of dependence upon each other. When these are present, there is a balance of power in the relationship between both people, and each person can be autonomous but still get emotional needs met by the other person. Furthermore, with an appropriate balance of independence and dependence, each person is allowed, even encouraged, to grow and change as an individual, which everyone needs. It is, therefore, wise not to expect that your partner or yourself will always stay exactly the same as when the relationship started.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you walk out of the door, I would hug you and kiss you and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I heard your name lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play it back for days. If I knew it would be the last time to spare an extra minute or two, I'd stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming that you know I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day. Well, I'm sure you'll have many more, So, I'll let this one slip away. For surely there is tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we'll always get a second chance to make everything all right. There will be another chance to say our "I love you," and certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do's." But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today might be your last chance to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not! do it all today? For if tomorrow never comes, You will surely regret the day, that you didn't take the extra time for a smile or hug or kiss. And you're surely not too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their last wish. So hold your loved ones close today and whisper in their ear. Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear

I'm Sorry... For all the things I said and didn't say. I'm Sorry... For all the mean things I might have said. I'm Sorry... For all the things I did or didn't do. I'm Sorry... If I ever ignored you. I'm Sorry... If I ever made you feel bad or put you down. I'm Sorry... If I ever thought I was bigger or better than you. I'm sorry... I Love You... Don't ever forget that! Through bad times and good, I'll always be here for you. I am Sorry... For everything wrong I've ever done. I'm writing this because what if tomorrow never comes? What if you never get to say good-bye or give a BIG hug to the people you care about? What if you never get to say I'm sorry or I love you?