350913's blog: "Mos Stef's Stuff"

First off, I'm majorly sorry about any and all unreturned messages. I rarely come to this site anymore, and even when I do it's set up so terribly I can't even click half the things anymore. Some of you know about the family situation, which is still an ongoing thing. I've been pretty sick lately and I'm just focusing on getting better right now and trying to not spread myself so thin. To steal from Peter Pan, I'm trying to sew my shadow back onto myself. In happier news, I'm seeing Rilo Kiley on the 13th, yaaay! So in closing, thanks for the messages (and birthday greetings!) I hope you ace people are doing well. Happy October!

I have 20/20 vision you know. When people see how many movies I see and books I read they still can't believe it, especially since both my 'rents had shades since they were knee-high to a Coney Island. Anyway! People wander into our workplace all the time since it's air conditioned and our boss can never remember who actually works here unless it's pay day. *Brent had a super cute friend come over, and after work we ended up going for some Cuban food since we hit it off. The cute friend, *Jeff, was super sweet and had an even cooler job than me. What job, you ask? Why he does voices for english dubbing of anime! He's actually from Texas, which I guess is the hotbed of anime dubbing, and is visiting. No romance, but I had a very fun evening. He was really freakishly good at karoke (until they switched it over to Spanish, watch out!) and we exchanged emails and promised to keep in touch. Also, I'm reading an astounding book called "The History of Love" by Nicole Krauss, I highly recommend it. * Name changed to protect the innocent-seeming.

I'm normally not bored, I can always just read or watch a movie. But it's like I got patience for nothing! And nobody to talk to, it feels like everyone is avoiding me today. Pepper discovering her twin cat outside the window was fun, but after I gave him food and water that was it. If I even looked at him too long he retreated, so here I am. I think I pulled my shoulder out of whack in my sleep too (how?) and that hurts like hell. Waaaaaa. So I've been walking around fake dying in Shakespere-esque poses, but without an audience... what's the point? Argh.

I have found, in most humans, we each have a singular obsession. A topic in which, even if the person we are talking to are only politely listening (if even that) we are just so excited by we will continue to talk about despite any lack of interest. On the surface this is viewed as an annoying trait, a part of the human ego that reveals us to be very self-absorbed people with very little compassion for the other person. For example, when WE are confronted with another person' "obsession", usually we do not relate it to ours, and instead let our minds wander and very rarely try to get excited along with the person. If we can relate to that, why can we not empathize with it? Is the very nature of obsession the thing that seperates us? Even with that being true, I don't think it's a bad thing. Having a passion makes and keeps us human; vibrant; interesting; thinking; exploring. For those unfortunates who honestly have nothing to "obsess" about, they tend to have nothing to talk about, suffer from depression and lack any will to do much of anything that demands brain power. Those who are deeply passionate- even about multiple things- tend to be the great minds of our time. They are the intelligent, funny, interesting people we are all attracted to. Those people show us that we NEED to be challenged, or that "spark" dies. Even in our death beds, some part of us is still alive enough to feel this. Those who want you to stop want you to because they can't understand it, but that's their fault- NOT yours. Never stop searching, asking, answering, loving, fighting, finding, losing and just living. I've seen people lose it, and it's something I would not wish on anyone but the very worst of violent humanity. Imagine loving someone with all your heart and then waking up the next morning and not recongnizing their face. Eating your favorite food and just seizing to even notice that it's anything you should be tasting in the first place. Imagine being bored at every waking moment, no matter what you are doing. We cannot let this happen to humanity, and it begins and ends with you and your choices.

We would wake up yawning then kissing, stretching and making sneaky love. I'd make you your coffee and you'd open up my can of soda. We'd wake up by slowly moving our hips and limbs to CCR and pretend we live in the mountains. We can spend the whole day fishing, reading until we feel a pull. I'd like to watch a movie with your heartbeat fitting into the soundtrack. We could miss the revolution passing by, and make our own after a nap. You could move the hair out of my eyes and I could kiss your fingertips passing by.

Even if you listen to a lot of Leonard Cohen, you gotta have hope.

It's the main song on my profile now, so take a listen. I know I'm a cheeseball but I just love the way it's written. If I ever got married (HA!) I'd want this to be played there, definitely. What love songs do you consider the best, or your favorite? Please comment, I'm so very lonely... :(

The Luckiest by Ben Folds Five I dont get many things right the first time In fact, I am told that a lot Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls Brought me here And where was I before the day That I first saw your lovely face? Now I see it everyday And I know That I am I am I am The luckiest What if Id been born fifty years before you In a house on a street where you lived? Maybe Id be outside as you passed on your bike Would I know? And in a white sea of eyes I see one pair that I recognize And I know That I am I am I am The luckiest I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you Next door theres an old man who lived to his nineties And one day passed away in his sleep And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days And passed away Im sorry, I know thats a strange way to tell you that I know we belong That I know That I am I am I am The luckiest

Monday is my parents 30th wedding anniversary, and that just blows my mind. Ka-boom! There was so much I wanted to type, but I think it's just too personal to share on here. Basically, my mom is a saint. She works so hard, and she's kept the marriage together even though she saw a disease basically cripple the man she married. Not only physically, but he's a completely different person. Once I get enough money I'm sending them on a well-deserved honeymoon to someplace nice, lord knows living in Vegas is the exact opposite of just visiting here as a tourist.

By "this asshole", I mean my headache. But since people like the gung-ho internet "let's get 'em with our torches!" thing I thought I'd fake you out. I apologize for the deception, now please send me some Excedrin? I'll be your best friend forever, and offer you bubblegum whenever I'm packing. Listening to Stephen Malkmus does help a little, though.

When do they usually grow in? I was always under the impression it was a late teen years thing, but just recently mine have started coming in (I'm 23.) I kind of forgot wisdom teeth even existed... I can't ask a dentist either.

I take really awesome care of my teeth, but after my childhood dentist was thrown in jail for attaching razor blades to his sons football helmet so he'd slice up the kids on the other team (how the hell could I make that up?) I have a phobia deep as a root canal. So anyway, are mine kinda late or is this normal?

Yestrerday Matt & I went to the annual Indian Pow-Wow at Smoke Mountain, which was a lot of fun. I grew up in New Mexico, and pretty much every other weekend my parents would take me to the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center. Inside was a museum dedicated to the history of Native Americans (mainly, obviously, in N.M.) but outside there would be awesome food (fry bread! mutton!) gorgeous jewelry sold, especially turqoiuse and best of all- the traditional dances and costumes. I haven't seen them in years, and seeing everything was like a trip back to my childhood, it was awesome. I also ran into my friend Alessio and got to meet his new mysterious girlfriend, so that was fun.

Today I picked up a kids meal through a drive thru for dinner (what?) and as the guy was handing me the ketchup I had just asked for, he said "You have a really cute voice, by the way." A little compliment, but I get so few of them and I'm so insecure it still made my day :) Also, anybody that's heard me knows that I have a pretty high pitched, young sounding voice that I hate. Another time in a drive through the guy in front of me was on a bike, and kept yelling out "You're beautiful!" I'd smile and shake my head no, and he'd yell "No, really! You're so beautiful!" I guess it's kind of sad those are the only places guys seem to compliment me, but I'll take what I can get. But then I remind yourself- no, you're not pretty. Nobody wants you. Give up hope and stop trying so hard, it's pathetic.