bioplague's blog: "Master4slave"

New Drink A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. "First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice." So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it .... in one second the sharp lime taste hits... at two seconds the Baileys curdles... at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend. She smiles widely at him and says, "So, how did you like it? It's called 'Blow Job's Revenge.'"

Weird Information The youngest pope was 11 years old. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. First novel ever written on a typewriter is Tom Sawyer. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it. The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear. Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump." Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot. If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do. The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. A snail can sleep for 3 years. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. China has more English speakers than the United States. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck. Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. Cat's urine glows under a black light. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers-they saw it as competition. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan." If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death. The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. You know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. Polar bears are left-handed. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds. A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (now THAT is a stud!!) Butterflies taste with their feet. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Starfish haven't got brains. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (WoW) Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average secretary's left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag. All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are members of the peach family. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. There are only four words in the English language which end in "- dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula". And can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "L.A." A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross. When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life". A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner. It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world. Who's that playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme? Paul Reiser himself. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N and O-Z, hence "Oz." The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

Strange Laws Be careful, many of these laws are still on the books 1-When visiting Louisiana, remember that it is illegal to gargle in public...you can do just about anything else in public, but NO gargling! 2-And be careful that you do not get caught shaving while driving in Massachusetts or you'll be in real trouble. 3-If you're going to be driving through Utah, be alert because the birds have the right of way on the state highways. 4-And walking down the streets of Maine with your shoes strings untied is also illegal. 5-Oh, and in Atlanta, not only is it illegal to tie your giraffe to a telephone pole but if you get caught dressing a mannequin without shutting the window shades, you could be in big trouble. 6-When in Nebraska, keep in mind not to spit against wind because not only is it messy, its also illegal. 7-Eating out in Connecticut became so much more pleasant once the law requiring restaurateurs to provide separate nose-blowing and non-nose-blowing sections, went into effect. 8-And if you decide to order cherry pie while eating in Kansas, don't waste your time asking it to be served with a scoop of ice-cream on top...it against the law. 9-In California, its against the law to peel an orange in your hotel room....I guess its ok to peel it in the hallway & then go into your room. 10-If you're planning to do any fishing while visiting Chicago, be sure you don't do it in your pajamas or you might spend the rest of your vacation in jail. 11-And if you're going to set a fire under your mule, don't do it in Ohio..yep, its against the law. Can you believe it? 12-Whistling under water will result in more than getting water in your nose, it will also get you put in jail if you do it in Vermont. 13-And while you and your beloved spouse are enjoying the Florida sun, don't throw dishes if you happen to have a little disagreement with each other. If you break more than 3 a day, you could spend the rest of your vacation eating off of metal trays in the county jail. We're not the only ones with the wacky laws. If you're planning a trip out of the country be aware that.... 14-It is illegal to land a flying saucer in the vineyards of France. 15-And last but not least, if you take ill while in Iceland, never seek medical help from anyone who's shingle reads: "Scottulaejnir". You see, ANYONE, can practice medicine in Iceland as long as they display this sign. Loosely translated it means, "Quack Doctor"

Instructions for PsYchward Mental Health Hotline We know you can't always get to a computer, but you can always mug some jerk with a cellphone. So soon you will reach the Psychward on the telephone. When we get it up, these will be our instructions. Please check to see if we've got your number. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 until your finger bleeds. If you have short-term memory loss, press 2. If you have short-term memory loss, press 2. If you have short-term memory loss, never mind. If you are co-dependent, please ask your signifant-co to press 3 for you. If you have amnesia, press 411 and ask for information. If you have multiple personalities, press 5 and 6 and 7. If you are delusional, press 8 and your call will be transferred to the CIA which is already monitoring your calls and your dreams. If you are paranoid, you may press 9, but it doesn't matter. It is too late. We have already traced your call, and the men in white coats are on their way. If you have low self esteem, please hold. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you, but this will help reinforce your self-image. If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, because you are doomed, doomed, doomed! If you haven't heard your problem, you can wait for one of our operators, all of whom are participants in our experimental drug testing program and therefore will have little chance of helping you, or you can choose a problem we already have a number for. Press the pound key and the menu will repeat.

What women would do if they had a penis for a day 10. Get ahead faster in corporate America. 9. Get a blow job. 8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat. 7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal. 6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently. 5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm. 4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem. 3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks. 2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement. 1. Repeat number 9......

What men would do if they had a vagina for a day 10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. 8. See if they could finally do the splits. 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet. 6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch. 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time. 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first. 3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video. 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too. 1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Knickerless Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?" "Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

Boy anticipates sex with girlfriend A boy decided to have a dinner with his girlfriend parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey l teter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

WWE.com: Were you surprised that CNN only used seconds of an interview that in reality lasted approximately 45 minutes? John Cena: Yeah, especially since I gave them so much. I must have sat down and given them 45 minutes of what I felt was the most candid I’ve ever been with anyone on camera. I encouraged them to ask me about anything and I would give them as much information as I had to any question that they would’ve had. So I was surprised it only came up to, I think the grand total was one sound byte. WWE.com: What was your immediate reaction after seeing the CNN special? Cena: Seeing as I did the interview, I knew they just chopped it up. I’ve seen that stuff like that done before. I was really a little bit timid going into the interview and worried that they might do something like that, but then I figured it was CNN and if I was in good hands with anyone it would be somebody like them. But when I saw it, my worst reality came true. I mean, especially— CNN is a pretty friggin’ big network. They have a lot of people watching. I know there’s a lot of parents that watch our program that tuned into that documentary to see testimony from the WWE talent. There’s a lot of potential business sponsorship. Something like that, one phrase like that, CNN doesn’t know the credibility they ruined. They’re just trying to drive their point home, which is just a matter of opinion. It’s not fact. And for them to throw somebody who’s hardworking and honest to the wolves like that, they have no idea what backlash that could’ve cost me. I’m really glad that WWE got on it early, but I mean, even still it’s a matter of if you saw the CNN special and you haven’t seen anything on WWE, then you believe what you hear. WWE.com: Did you have any immediate second thoughts after you answered that steroid question? Did you feel you did anything wrong? Cena: Not at all. That’s a question I’ve answered a bunch. And going into a documentary on the life and death of Chris Benoit, I knew that steroids were gonna be brought up. You can’t do an interview these days being in any sport, and expect performance enhancement drugs not to come up. That’s why I was so confident in my answer because I tried to answer it the best way I could. I tried to paint the picture for the viewer that people have opinions. And regardless of how many drug tests I pass, or whatever you set for a by law, regardless of how many times I prove to the common person that I am drug free, they will have an opinion of me strictly because of what they see. It’s a first impression. Somebody’s gonna to look at me and say, “Oh, the kid’s bigger than normal, he must do drugs.” So I go and pass a drug test. They’ll always say, “Ah, no, he still does drugs.” So I tried to convince the viewer of the catch-22 about the whole popularity of performance enhancing drugs. You get people who have been busted for them so anytime nowadays when you see athletic prowess, it’s not because the athlete’s any good. Immediately, the general public points the finger that because they’re better than we are, it must be because of performance enhancing drugs. WWE.com: So there’s no right answer to that question? Cena: That’s the thing. There is no right answer, but like I said, just because of the popularity of performance enhancing drug use – and that is definitely not sports-entertainment specific, that is across the board from the Olympics on down – people see any feat of strength, any sort of tone, physique, and immediately they point to drugs. That sucks. That just goes to show exactly how commonplace it is in society. Years ago when it was probably being used even more than it is now, that wasn’t the case. People just said, hey, you just got in the gym and worked hard. And for a guy to really bust his ass, I mean, people know my life story, I’ve been kicking ass since I was 12 years old, and to have one quote like that completely chopped up and haphazardly edited, now all the work I’ve been trying to do to fight the tide of everybody saying that I’ve been on drugs, now I’ve gotta start from square one again. WWE.com: If you could do the interview over again, would you do anything differently? Cena: No, I’d get a hold of the producer and tell him where to cut the damned tape. I’m proud of my statement and like I said, I thought I made it the best I could. You can go onto WWE.com and find the unedited version. It’s just the way that they cut it, you can take any three words and make it sound good. And that’s exactly what they did. They took the beginning and then end of a two-and-a-half minute statement, cut it down to a 10-second sound byte and threw it out there and made it sound like I do drugs. WWE.com: What’s been the fallout so far from the CNN special from your fans or your family or your friends? Cena: I think right away WWE.com went to bat for me and thank God. I’ve gotta say thanks for that. And when they did, it amazed me who started getting a hold of it. TMZ’s blown it up, a lot of local major, major league presses, there was a huge article in my home city of Boston. It’s been blown up in the Baltimore Times, all the various chat rooms and forums on the Internet. So the good thing is there are people looking at the honest truth, but like I said the bad thing is that probably a lot of folks who watch that documentary that still don’t know the real truth, and if that leads to people not watching the WWE because they think John Cena’s on steroids, that’s sponsorships being lost. That’s what CNN doesn’t understand. They have their own agenda in mind. And I was under the impression they were a news company and had the agenda of reporting the facts. WWE.com: What do you want to say to your fans about this controversy? Cena: That’s not the crowd that I’m worried about. The fans that have followed WWE or me, I’m not out to convince them. I firmly believe that they know well enough who I am and what I do. I’m out to convince those people that regardless of what we do, point the finger at me because I’m big, because I lift weights, because I spend more time in a gym than I do at a desk. Those are the people that I’m trying to convince and I’ve done it interview by interview, one person at a time, one listener at a time, one viewer at a time, then they go and watch that CNN crap and like I said, I’m back to square one again. I’m back to proving myself after hard work in the gym and now I gotta go prove myself again just because some guy made a nice edit cut. WWE.com: You’ve been on CNN before, talking about wrestling and steroids. If they asked you to go back on CNN, would you do it? Cena: Only if it was live. And I think from now on that’s the way I’m going to conduct all of my interviews. CNN to me was the last bastion of news. There are tabloid shows and slanted shows that want to steer you in that direction. A CNN presents show should not be that. It should be a stating of the facts. Their job is to report the friggin’ news and for me to go on a show like that and then have it totally slammed, it just shows me next time you gotta go on there live because they can’t silence your voice if they ask you a question. I’d rather get into an argument with somebody where they’re cutting me off and stepping on my words so at least then the viewers can hear what I have to say. WWE.com: Has CNN contacted you or attempted to contact you since the special aired? Do you expect an apology from them? Cena: You know, the way they run that company is their business and not for me to say. I think they have to put that all in perspective. They have, I guess, well-respected anchormen, anchorwomen, news personalities, and I would think if an outside source slandered one of them, I wouldn’t say they would demand an apology, but I think they would agree it was the right thing to do. Like I said, I’m not the head of CNN so I don’t make those calls. I think in that realm, at least the right thing to do is for them to offer some sort of apology, or, for lack of a better word, to say they [expletive] up. WWE.com: How does this controversy change your impression of the media, especially CNN? Cena: Big time. That was the thing that I was most hit with. This is a one-hour documentary on wrestling and as much as I like to think the world revolves around WWE because I’m so proud of what I do, there are bigger fish to fry out there like the war in Iraq, the presidential race, et cetera, et cetera. And if they’re messing with my quote for an hour documentary just to get the point across that they want the viewing public to think that we’re all on drugs, I can only imagine what they’ve done. It puts everything that they’ve done so far in speculation. In an honest news company that’s not the position you want to be in. WWE.com: So it does, in fact, change your perception of CNN. Cena: Absolutely. I used to go there all the time. CNN.com was my homepage. I’d get pretty much what’s going on with the world on a daily update. I changed it immediately because now I just get the inkling that they may be telling me what they want me to hear. WWE.com: How does this controversy affect your recovery, if at all? Cena: It doesn’t affect my recovery. I’d have to go through hell and high water to be slowed down right now. I’m on pace to get back and it doesn’t slow me down one bit. Now I know that every single interview I’m going to do, that question’s going to come up, that interview’s going to come up and like I said, there’s no other way around it. It’s slander of personal character. So if I were them, morally, I’d really do some soul searching and see if they can find out what the right thing to do is. WWE.com: So would you say this controversy fuels you more now? Cena: No, I’ve been going through this legitimately since I was 17 years old. I was drug tested as an athlete at a preparatory school just because of the outrageous gains I made. I went from 170 lbs to 225 lbs over the course of a school year and immediately they pointed the finger at drugs. The truth is I just had my growth spurt and went out of control. So I’m definitely used to handling that. It’s just, like I said, now I’ve got a lot more leg work to do and I’ll use whatever outlet I can to keep telling my story.