xX PuckBunni Xx's blog: "Love"

To be completely honest with you, I'm not sure I even know what love is anymore. Sure, I've felt it before, or what seemed like love at the time. But the problem with that is when you really love someone, is that feeling supposed to ever go away? I can honestly say that I no longer feel love for anyone from my past. Sure, the memories are still there, but any feelings I ever had for them are gone.

So why is this time different? Why do I have this continuous ache within me? It's like something is inside of me trying to get out, scratching and clawing, eating me alive... but I won't let it out. Why do I feel the need to hold on to this pain? Maybe it's because the alternative seems so much worse. Letting go. I've tried so many time so just let go, and in some ways I am not too proud of... but the more and more I try, the harder I fall back into the web. And now I'm stuck again. I can't even look at another man, let alone try to imagine a life with him, without seeing *his* face. The only face I will ever see when I think of true love. A face I have never touched, yet I felt him more than anyone that I have ever physically touched. A soul that was so connected to mine that it defied all logic and reasoning. Maybe I was completely out of my mind to think that someone so perfect for me existed. Maybe it was all just a fantasy. The love that was so real but was never meant to be... yet I still hold on to it. The most perfect love I have ever known and will probably ever know. There will never be another quite like that. I guess second best is all I will ever know, if I ever get to a point where I can give my heart to someone else.

Through the good times and the bad, the feeling in my heart never changed. I love you and I miss you madly. If there was ever a time I caused you pain, I am beyond sorry. I hope you find all the happiness that you deserve, even if that means it is without me.

"I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else.

I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself.

I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart.

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart."

I Love You.

Forever & Always.

I promise.