true warriors fight alone's blog: "Listen To My Story"

I still see you my daisy. I see the smile on your face everyday... I still see the look in your eye when you saw how voilent i was in that ring... I still see the look upon your face when you saw how badly i was hurt... And you never left my side... you were there for me when they said that i might not walk again.. I still see you skipping the rocks on the pond in your back yard... You used to do that everytime you got mad or confused... I still see your laughter when I tickled you... I still see you dancing when I played the piano for you... (sniffiling) I still hear your voice calling me when you were upset and you wanted me to just talk to you... I still see you crawling through my window and laying down with me at night when I stayed with my mom... I still see you crying when I promised you that I would never fight again... I still see you holding me when i was upset or crying and i needed refuge.. I still see you yelling at your dad about me... You were sticking up for me... I still see you wanting to fight the women that hit on me... I still see how much stronger you have become just by being with me, so you would say... I fell in love with a fighter... That was your excuss when I asked how did you get so tough? (heh) I still see you punching my chest and crying when I told you that im going away... I STILL SEE THE TEARS ON YOUR CHEEK WHEN YOU WERE FADING AWAY... I CAN STILL FEEL HOW HARD YOU GRIPED MY HAND... I KNEW YOU DIDNT WANT TO GO... (HUFFING) I STILL SEE YOU SHAKING IN THAT HOSPITAL BED... I STILL SEE MYSELF HOLDING YOU IN MY ARMS WHEN YOUR TIME CAME ... I STILL HEAR YOU TELLING ME BABY DONT WORRY... ILL BE FINE... I STILL SEE YOU DYING IN MY ARMS HOLDING MY HANDS.. (SNIFFLING) OH GOD MIRANDA I AM TRYING SO HARD... I AM CRUMBLING INTO A BALL WITHOUT YOU... MAYBE THATS WHY YOU HELD MY HANDS SO HARD WHILE YOU WERE FADING... I THINK YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT ME... YOU KNEW.. YOU KNEW THAT I WAS GOING TO PLUMBIT AND BREAK WITHOUT YOU... AND NOW YOUR GONE.. IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HARD... ITS HARD TO BREATH HERE WITHOUT YOU... ITS HARD TO EAT... ITS HARD TO SLEEP... YOU KNEW HOW I AM... MAYBE THATS WHY YOU WERE SO SCARED...I DONT KNOW... BUT WHAT I DO KNOW NOW IS THAT I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU...I TRIED SO HARD... BUT I CANT I CANT MOVE ON... I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU... YOU WERE EVERYTHING TO ME... BUT IM STILL TRYING... EVERYDAY IS A STUGGLE TO MOVE ON...I EVEN BROKE A PROMISE TO YOU A SECOND TIME... I HAVE BEEN SO ASHAMED... BUT I SWEAR TO YOU THAT I DO LOVE YOU... MORE THAN ANYTHING... AND THERE ISNT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DONT THINK ABOUT YOU... I LOVE YOU MY DAISY... ALWAYS AND FOREVER... LOVE, JOSHUA

Today was the first time I have visited your grave for the first time since your funeral... (WOW)... I was told forever it seems like that I would feel better if I see you... But I didnt... All i could do was cry for several minutes before I could even speak a word... God I miss you so much... That was all I could think of before i crawled up into a ball and layed down on the grass six feet above you... It hurt so much to notice that all thats left of you is a headstone with your name on it.... And the memories that I have... Life has been so hard living without you... There were several times that I was hurting so much and i wanted you to hold me... I felt like a helpless child just lying there on your grave crying like i wanted my mommy or something.. I might as well stuck my thumb in my mouth and said gaga gugu.. But as i started to calm down I finally was able to speak.. Here is what i said... Hey My Daisy.. Its hard just looking at this headstone and talking to you like this... I am so sorry about me crying so hard a minute ago... You told me to be strong... But its just so hard... This is the hardest thing I have ever done...To go about life missing you every second of the day... It hurts so much... For months I have held your picture close to my chest and rocked back and forth crying endlessly.... My love for you never died... And i swear to you it never will... I promise you... You have become such an impact in my life... You saved me from a life of medeoeroakady... I was lost without you... Nothing had meaning... But when you came into my life.. All of that changed... Life was worth living.. It had purpose.. Now that your gone, all things are hollow.... Life has been an empty shell... I have went through life threatening situations... And all I could think of at the time was yes,yes,yes... Im going to see Miranda... But I didnt... I lived... I dont know my purpose on this earth... But im determained to find out... I want to know why im still here and not there with you... But I think I know why now... I half to learn to rid myself of this selfish pride... I think it is the only thing keeping me alive now... But i need to learn to get rid of it... Its going to kill me and lead me to Hell... And i dont want that.. I want more than anything to see you again.... I have meet so many people here... And they all are so great to me by helping get over your death... But its when im alone that i slowly slip back into my depressed state of mind... I think of everything that we did together... Like when we were at the beach and you got knocked over by a Manatee... And I thought it was a shark... (laughing)... Or that time when we at the movies watching Without A Paddle, and you were laughing so hard and so much we got kicked out of the movie theater... I remember everything Miranda... All of the good times and the bad... (Crying).... I just wish i knew what to do from now on.. This is so hard for me... But I dont think you would have stayed with me till the end if you didnt think I could handle it... You always thought of me as the strong one.. When the truth is, you were the strong one.. I drew my strength from you... I was strong cause you made me strong... I was humble cause you were next to me... Please Miranda... Please.. Let me know your watching over me... Let me know your here while I talk to you..... And at that moment everyone.. A soothing breeze started to blow... And it was hot... There was no wind before... I felt something within that breeze that i have never felt before.... I could have sworn I felt her presents... I felt like I was being hugged by this cool breeze... A flock of Canadian Geese flew over.. And then i remembered something.... Something Miranda wrote to me shortly before she died... (My dearest Joshua, I want you to know that when im gone, dont think that I am... I am the cool breeze on a hot summer day... When you see a flock of Geese flying over you... That will be me... When you see a Dear prancing in a field, that will be me.. ) And for the first time since she died I was released from this hurt for that moment... I felt her so much I fell to my knees and cried even harder... The other people walking around the cemetary just looked at me and probably thought I was crazy or something... But I didnt care... I knew you were there with me.... And it felt so good... God it felt so good... But the realality of knowing your really gone came over me again... Is it the Devil attacking me? If he is please chace him away... That breeze didnt stop for several minutes... When i looked up into the sky, there wasnt a cloud in the sky.. And I knew it was her... You see everyone? True love really does exist.. Just listen to your heart.. It will guide your path to whats really true in life... This genersation is almost lost.. So please... Im on my knees begging you... Stop telling people that you love them when you really dont... You destroying the best thing we have in this world... I love you all... Love,Joshua Murphy

My dearest Miranda... Its has been a little over 2 years since you have been gone from me... Everyday is a constant struggle to go on knowing that i cant hold you... And watch your smile brighten up my day... Everyday when i think of you all of my breath seems to leave me, thus making me incapable of breathing.. Tears seem to swell up in the back of my throut... And i find myself falling to my knees screaming at the top of my lungs because i miss you so much... I havent stoped crying since the day you left... You told me to be strong... But how can i do that? I love you so much and i miss hearing the sound of your voice... All i have left of you are pictures and old video recordings... But watching them seems to be gluton for punishment.. All i do is cry myself into a depressed sleep everytime... But i cant stop watching them... Its just your smile... All i want to see is your smile... Nothing else... I have changed alot since you went away... So much has happened... I became a greater fighter... Even a better person, so people tell me.... I finally made my peace with God... I hated him forever it felt like for taking you from me.... I know that wasnt what you wanted out of me... But you know me... I am selfish when it comes to you... I wanted you hear when God had a plan for you there... I know you expect more out of me... But i am trying so hard just to keep my head above water... I miss you so much... Even staying alive has been an trial for me... I have never wanted to die so bad just so i can see you... I have asked God so many times to take me away.. I have searched for a reason why He keeps me here. But i cant find one... But i wont question His reasons... I want to see you and i wont risk not seeing you all because i ask to many questions... The pain never stops... Its never ending for me... When i wake up and when i go to bed... My heart feels like it wants to explode and i could die just from the heartacke.. I know your disapointed in me... I know you were watching when i took all of those pills.. And when i put the knife in my chest... I know you were there... i just couldnt stand it anymore... I wanted to end my suffering right there... I just couldnt go on living without you... Life has been so hard without you.. I miss your Godly advice you used to give to me when i was angry or sad.... You always knew what to say to me to get me to calm down or cheer me up... You had a way with words like that... Thats why i fell in love with you in the first place.... You were so amazing Miranda... You were the rock of my life... I drew all of my strength from you... When i had you in my arms i felt like Superman... Like nothing could hurt me... I took refuge in you when i was down and upset... You would just open your arms and hold me... Shhhhhuuusshhhh you would whisper... You would rock me back and forth like i was a helpless child, or like a newborn baby crying in your arms... Sometimes i would feel like just crawling up in a ball and hide away from the world... Like i wasnt a fighter and a warrior at all... Just a big baby... And you would continue to hold me and tell me everything was ok... You were invincable Miranda... To me you were anyways.... Here i am trying to be the strongest warrior alive and yet you die without fear... What does that make of me? I ask myself that all of the time... But i guess that some questions will forever go unanswered... Loving you has kept me alive this far now... I have learned to speak to others about you... I write these blogs here on myspace now so that everybody can understand why i cry so much... And so they would feel like they knew you too before you died.. You have been such an impact in my life... Without you Miranda... I know i would be dead right now or in a jail cell.. Thank you for everything you have done for me... I swear to you that it wont be forgotten... Im glad i chose to stay with you when i found out that you were sick... If i could turn back the hands of time to change things... I wouldnt change a single thing... Even though i suffer from not having you everyday... I have no regrets at all... Not a single one... I love you Miranda... and i always will... So as my life continues to unfold itself more and more... Please watch over me... And guide me to the right path so i may know why God had to take you away.... I miss you My Darling Daisy... And i pray that my suffering ends because i dont have you... I love you... FOREVER... Love,,, Josh.

There are ways to go about life on how you want to be.... Thats the greatest gift that was givin to us when we were created... We all have a choice on how much of an ass we want to be and how nice we want to be... But i want to share something with all of you... First i want to start out with a question... If you love someone so much... And you know for a fact that the person you love isnt going to make it much longer... What do you do? Do you get out before you end up hurting so bad that you simply cant bare living anymore? Or do you stick around and stay with her till the very end? This is the choice that we as human beings were blessed to have... The freedom of free will... You have sat alone for days contemplating about it... What should you do? Ahhhhh who am i kidding?( you say.) I love her so much... And i made a promise to her... I promised that i would be there for her forever... Long before i knew about her illness.. The days with her are painfull... Sometimes you feel as if you cant even breath... All you can think about is her going away... You want to cry so bad... But you cant... You want the rest of her time here on earth to be happy... Everytime you look at her you notice how pale her skin gets... But her smile is still the most beautiful thing you have ever saw... The moment is perfect... You look at her and just sigh with grief.. I love you... Those are the words you hear coming from her mouth as she holds you and smiles... How can she just pretend like nothing is wrong? Because the thought never leaves your mind were ever you go... You know that she is going to die... A picture of her laying in a wooden box is all that you see.... But you take a deep breath.... I love you too my darling daisy.... Thats what i used to call her... When you stare into her eyes... With just the right amount of light you see daisy peddles flaring all around her pupils... She had a way of capturing you when ever you look into her eyes like magic.. You just couldnt resist.... As she puts her head on your sholder and hugs you so hard you tend to go numb.... But you cant feel a thing... Your mind is so far off into space... So you hug her back... You want to capture that moment and hold on to it forever... You dont ever want it to end... So while you hold her,, tears seem to make there way out.... But she doesnt know that your crying just yet... It wasnt until you shake really bad and quiver when she notices it by hugging you tightly... Your knees get weak... You cant stant up anymore... The pain is just to unbareable.. She watches you fall to the floor crying as hard as yo can.... Please God dont let her go... PLEASE.. PLEASE..PLEASE. Please dont take her from me... God knows what Miranda could be thinking right now... She is watching you break down when you need to be strong for her.... But you cant bare it anymore... You cant live without her.... Why is this happening? Is this punishment for the selfish pride of being a warrior? Please God tell me why.... But all you can hear are the weak wimpers and huffs coming from Miranda as she starts to cry... She just noticed just how much you really love her... And the pain of going away from him was unbareable for her too... So she grabs you by the arms trying to pull you up... But you still cant stand... So the only thing she does is kneel down with you and hold you until you get yourself together... For hours it seemed like i held Miranda... Rocking back and forth crying endlessly until I tired myself out... Its one of the few memories that never leaves my thoughts... She really cared for me... And loved me.... Months would pass as if they were like minutes... I never left her side unless i was working.... They were the best memories of my life... I got a call oneday at work... It was Miranda mother... Miranda had been rushed to the hospital... She fainted in her room... And her mother found her lying on the floor... Im on my way.. This is it... This is the moment that you need to prepare yourself for... I told myself... There was a gut feeling my my heart that Miranda"s time was near... So i rushed to the hospital as fast as i can... Walking through the hallways felt like i was walking the green mile... As I reached the I.C.U i started to enter the room... Her mom put her hand on my sholder was i walked in... The doctor had just told me that she wont make it through the night.. There she was... Laying under this thin white blanket with more plugs and wires coming out of her looking like my dvd player.. This cant be real, i told myself... But the forces of reality would be quick to remind me that this was... Her parents left the room so i could talk to her.... As i approched her,, she softly said, ,why r u crying? You knew this moment would come... I know baby. But i dont want you to go... I need you here with me... Josh? I want you to promise me something.. Sure babe.. what is it? i want you to promise me that youll keep that strong pride you have... Thats the reason i feel for you in the first place... And i want you to promise me that you will not give up on love.. That when you have the oppertunity,,, you will give your heart away to the one your falling for.. Baby i cant promise that.. I love you I dont want anybody else.. I just want you.. Nobody but you... Josh.. you half to keep on living and keep your heart open... Youll miss out on so much... And i want you to promise that you wont do anything stupid to yourself... The tears were so heavy on my cheeks... They ran down so fast... I couldnt catch them all when i would wipe my face of with my hand... Ok babe... I promise.. Another lie your just told her.... But all you want is her happyness. So you will say anything to keep her at ease... I love you Josh was the last thing she said to me... I watched the heart moniter go from a scraggly line to a simple straight line... But it didnt end there... She grabbed my hand and held it as tightly as she could.. As i felt her life force fade she would only grab my hand and squeeze even harder... It was the when i noticed that she didnt want to go... But she couldnt fight it... She went away from me.... There was nothing i could do to stop it... I thought i was perpared.. But the pain was inconcieveable to bare... I had never cried so hard.. For 2 hours i held what was left of my precious Miranda... Rocking back and forth,, crying endlessly... Screaming and huffing like i was dieing or something.... Day after day... Night after night this image plays over and over in my head like a vhs casset that keeps rewinding itself when its over... Ill always remeber her... Her silky smooth brown hair... Her dark brown eyes.. Her life giving smile.. Everything... But most importantly... Ill remember her words most... I had the chance to share time and space with someone that God himself designed just for me... Not only was i blessed... I was devinely favored.. True love is almost non existant in this world anymore.... People lie to get what they want with the opposite sex... But know this... When you find such a blessing in your life... Cherish every moment... As if they were your last together... We men over populate this world by 88%... So if you have a woman in your life... Cherish her... Love her.. Be true to her... Just because she is a woman... She is the best thing you have... Dont loose that fire for eachother... And never ever lay your hand on her... She is more fragile than you think... Yes i was selfish... But who am i to question the will of God... It was her time... I tried to take my life on countless accounts... But God wont let me go... So i will continue on in this world as long as it takes... Ill see her again... When she went away.. It wasnt good by... It was see you later... it took me to go through this to notice the greatest things in life... Take this to heart... And remember ... Never question the will of God.. I learned the hard way... I love you guys... Love, Joshua Murphy

You have just completed the impossible... (So you thought at the moment) But when the crowd is impressed with what they just saw.... It does something to you... You become somewhat of a glory hound... As you raise your arms and hands just soaking in the moment... But in the crowd you see her... The one thing that made time itself stop when you lay eyes on her... Miranda... She had just saw what you had done... And noticed what you was capable of... The main thing she didnt know about you... All things around you become silent.. And it seemed like all you heared was her breathing and wimpers of the tears she was trying to hold back... She had become terrified of you... She runs through the doors and out of the building.... Crying histericaly.. MY God what have you done.... Thats the only question that plays over and over in your head... You go after her.. I mean what can you say huh? She is the woman you love... And you scared her.... So as you finally catch up to her,,, She just grabs you and pulls you in... She holds you so tightly that you feel like you cant breath sometimes.... She loves you too... And she doesnt want to see you that violent ever again... You make a promise to her... You:ll never fight again.... I swear it to her.... Night after night you cant sleep... You cant think... All you could think about was how much the crowd loved you.... The next day you were just at a gas station just pumping gas.... And then you seem him walking from a distance... The owner and opperator of the horrible place you were at days ago... He offers you a lukeurative proposition.. Also bearing a thousand dollars... Just to win the next fight... I mean... How can you just say no to money like that... if it was as easy as the man from before... It will be the easiest thousand dollars you ever made.... But No!!!! You made a promise.... So sadly you turned him away... But more days would pass when you have a really big argument with her.... She brought up the fight... And what she saw in me.... It was something you just couldnt let go... Your pride and beliefs were at stack here.... So you go home and pick up the Card he gave you... You be there for the next scedualed fight... You was just so mad that your anger clouded everything that you seem to care about for the moment.. O you show up for this new challange.... He was a smaller type of person... About 5/8... So you set your stance.... Fight on.... He was a faster and a better fighter.. But his moves were undispaplined.. There was no true form to his style... A little unorthadox if you ask me really... But he did have one advantage.. he had about a 6 inch reach on you... So your attacks must be all close range one shot attacks.... Finish this quick... So you do... A simple elbow to the face ended it quickly. Wow... It feels like you never left... The crowd is crazy for you.... All you can do is love the moment... So you agree to come more... You love the money, You love the thrill of the fight... The thrill of noticing your opponents moves and attacks... Just using your sences to predict everything that he does.... So you finally adopt the name as a fighter.... You have made things up with Miranda... Taken her shopping and getting her anything that she wants.... Life is good.... But you start to become more volitile.. More cocky... And more arrogant with your selfish pride... Its just something that Miranda overlooks about you.... Poor Miranda.... If she only knew the truth... You have told yourself that several times... It went on until you realize just how violent you have really become... You have totaly went against everything that you were taught about life and peace.. Now you have a choice here.... Quit fighting and just work at Mcdonalds... Or keep the money flowing... Think,, think,,think... Ahhhh who am I kiddin? You say to yourself.... I love her... I have made enough money to be happy for a while.... Your minds starts to think properly.... And you decide to quit... No more fights... But your arrogant pride still holds the mentality of constantly telling yourself that your the best fighter around.... Weeks would go by like nothing... You are constantly with her... Loving her more and more everyday... Laughing, crying, just being more happier than anyone could ever be... You never leave her side... Your moments were like they were just taken out of a movie... You were on your way home from work one day when you hear your cell phone ring... The name on the caller id allows you to say hello baby... Whats up? Josh!!! We need to talk... You get this gut feeling that she may just only think you forgot to do something... But when she tells me that she was attacked today on her walk home from work... They told her that they have one more fight they want you to attend... She suddenly knew then just were the money was coming from... heartbroken again and terrified she refused to talk to you.... For days and days she rejected your calls and emails..... Losing Miranda becomes a heart acke that you cant seem to bare... You love her with all your heart... But you broke a promise to her... She held you to that promise and you just threw it in her face..... Emails were rejected when i would get a demo video of just what my challanger would be... But you go on with the intention to not fight... Your mission is go convince Miranda that you truly love her.. But all hope was lost it seemed like when you finally told yourself that she isnt coming back... You go to work everyday looking and feeling like a zombie... Nothing in this world is the same... You just lost the one thing that ment more to you than anything in this world... Ring Ring Ring..... Your cell goes nuts like it always does... Oh my God... Its Miranda... Hello? Josh? Yes Miranda... Hey Josh.... I.. I... Im in the hospital.. The weight of the phone becomes extremely heavy... All of time and space stops for that entire moment, when you get the gut feeling that this had something to do with the ones that want me to fight.... She was just bruised and a little shaken... But you no know what you half to do.. Ill take care of it... I promise to you that it wont happen again... The challenge was humbly accepted. So you go home and check the old emails you have ignored for so long... You must have a look at what you are facing... Your eyes widen as you watch this monster crush his opponents. Snapping limbs and beating them to near death or brain dead... Wow... You have never faced anything like this... The warriors thrill turns into fear as you slowly watch yourself become frightened of this man... He takes pleasure in giving pain... And from what it looks like... He looks like he can give alot of it too.... But you must go... It is apparent to you that there are some who made large bets on this fight... And your willing to bet that they didnt bet on you... But you must go.... You would die for Miranda. And this is your proof to her that you love her... Its amazing just how much your life can change in just a seconds time when you walk through that crowd to await your punishment... And there he is... Staring down on me like a lamb to the slaughter..... The only way i can beat this man is to be just as violent and mercyless as he is... But you cant see yourself going back to that life style... All you want in life is to be with her... Nothing else matters..... You even plan to drop everything you were ever taught by the old man.... To lay down your sword and retire your life of being a fighter and a warrior.... That is, if you make it through this... The fight starts without notice... He grabs you by the waist and slams you down knocking all of your breath out of you.... Your just to scared to fight... To scared to even look at him... Punch after punch,,,blow after blow.... The pain is overwelming to you... Your bleeding out your ears for God sakes... Come on... Come on... those are the only word you can hear right now... The crowd roar become faint... All you can hear is him.... This man that is literally killing you... All you want to do is jusy lay over and die... Just so the pain would stop... But you also notice that he is becoming impacient with you... He is taunting you to fight back... This isnt a win for him if i dont fight back... So you take even more punishment... By the time you cant move anything... Not your arms nor your lags... He has taken everything from you... The horrified look on Mirandas face is all you can see over the crowd and the fighter... Until you hear it... As you look at his face just to make sure you heared correctly... He says it again... Fight me now or ill have the time of my life with Miranda while you watch.... It was then when you realized that words do go along way.... It was all you needed to hear... He will not touch her ever.... The blood in your vains race faster and faster.... Your body becomes numb all over and its the very moment in your life you swear that you were Superman... As you slowly rise from the ground.... You take a deep breath... YOU WONT LAY A HAND ON MIRANDA... NOT WHILE THERE BREATH IN THIS BODY.... Everything comes back to you... The confidence, the rage, the madnes... It was like an outward manifestation of the storm raging in my heart... YOU WANT ME? WELL YOU GOT ME!!! YOUR EVIL DEEDS ARE LIKE A NUSE AROUND YOUR NECK... IT ENDS HERE.... The words seem to stimulate the fighter... For all he seemed to do was smile.... Then he reaches back and trows foward... The very heart thats beats in your chest stops as you notice that you have caught his hand... Time felt like it had just went slower... But you must react fast... So you go for it... By extending your arm a bit more and pushing back on the wrist you heared hes wrist snap like a tree branch... The agonizing screams of this man seem to have gotten you off... You"ll never forgive him.... You scream and yell with every punch and kick you throw at him... But he is to distracted by the pain in his arm to notice that you are just knocking him around like a punching bag... Your punches have no effect on him... The strength in your arms left you when he slammed you on your left arm crushing it under your body weight.. So you go for his other arm...Place his forearm between your thighs squeezing it to keep it there... And giving your body a twist..... Just turn your entire body to the left and feel the bone crack between your thighs... But even though the fight was won... You dont stop... You lay on top of him almost straddleing him and unleash every amount of pain and fury of have in you.... Your knuckles shatter on top of his face and stomach...... Now look at who had become the monster... When it was over you stand over this lifeless looking body and just stare at him... PLEASE.. FINISH THE JOB... What???? Is he asking me to take his life? Please.... Finish the job... I want to die with my honer and pride... Every ounce of you just wants to just grab his lower jaw and just twist with all of my might.... But your not a monster.... You promised her that you werent... NO.... I will not end it for you here... Me spareing you is atonement for all of the others i have hurt really badly in this ring... I will leave you to yourself to do such a job.... You walked out of the building almost staggaring to the ground with every step... But all you can think about is her... You want to see her right now... So you gather what little amount of energy you have left and drive to her house... The stairs to the front porch had never seem to be higher... But Mirandas face is all you can see in your mind... The front door was as bright red as it gets... It was almost Christmas time... So there was a reaf just hanging in the middle of the door... The door bell had a lame jingle that you had hated for the longest... But it was the most beautiful music you have ever heared when you knew that you were there to see her... As the door opened you just watch the horrific look on her face widen when she notices that you are badly hurt.... But you dont care about your wounds... All you wanted to do was prove to her that you do love her... And that she wont be bothered ever again.. Your wishes were greatly respected when the crowd witnessed first hand just what you were fighting for.. As you tell Miranda what happened you feel weak in the eyes... You cant seem to keep them open.. You are exausted and tired from all of the screaming and roaring and blows to the body and head... But you are in your happy place... Your comfort zone... The zone to were you feel like you can die and not worry anymore... It is over... No more fights... No more foolish pride... No more urges to fight anymore.... It took me going through this everyone to notice just what you can achieve when you fight from the heart... Not from the mind.... I loved Miranda... With all that i am... She saved me from a life of medorocady.. A true warrior isnt the one with the fastest hands or feet.... A true warrior is the one who lays down his life to protect the ones he love so dear... Just remembering her smile was the only thing that kept me alive after she died... It takes more than good eye sight and a strong arm to be a warrior... It takes heart and the will to go on to even come close to calling yourself a warrior at all... My words and thoughts on life dont just come from me... They also come from a woman who died in my arms... Holding me tighter as she slipped away.... A warriors ultimate act isnt to conquer all the stands in his way.... I want you to realize that a warriors ultimate act.... Is to lay down his sword..... This was really true people... I just wanted to share with you whats most cherished in life.... Cherish the smaller things... And Cherish your memories... Its the only thing in this world worth having anymore.... i love you all... love, Joshua Murphy

They say that the instant you let your anger take over... The battles over... You have already lost.... To let your anger take over can be fatal.. What can you say to such words when the man you respect most in this world is telling you something that all human beings learn the hard way? But your a child... What do (you) know? All your forced to do is train... To push, push, push... To never give up... The only thing making you angry is the yelling screams you hear over the hills.... Again... Do it again.. So you swing... The marks and scars on your back is a good reminder to not talk back to him... As you swing and dance with a Shidoki Samurai Blade... It begins to feel heavy in your hands... Your sweat pours down your face like a neverending waterfall... Every swing you give takes a little more energy out of you.... (Again),, you hear in the background.... You cant stand it anymore... Its hot, its humid, and your thirsty.... Even when the old man wasnt satisfied with your trainning... He picks up a blade... Prepare yourself... So you do... You know the hard way not to take this old man lightly... !0 years will pass trainning like so... Day after day... But by then you have achieved what most marshal artist never get the honer of achieving... True Enlightenment.. You know in your mind that as you train in the future... You will learn to hone your skills more accurately, sharper than a razor,,, and swift like the wind... Its time to say goodby... Its time go home to the states... What will you do? You really dont know any other way of life... For the first time your really scared... But then as you get here, you suddenly feel at home... It is easy to get used to life here in the states... There is so much to do... But as you lay your head down at night.. You tend to think about going back... You miss the old man, You miss the jasmine flowers smelling in the morning and the wild daisies at night.... So you make a goal... To find things that make you feel like you were back there... You meet a few cool friends.... You have fun and go to fun places... And meet even more people... But one day... Years after you have been back to the states.... and you have trainned the whole time... You get invited to what is known as an underground fight.... Kinda like a fight club for those who like to get rich by making outstanding bets on the fighter... You have never seen anything like it... But what can you do? Your girlfriend is right next to you... (God she is so beautiful)... Her name was Miranda... (Miranda Moore)... The first and truest friend you have made since you came home to the states... She has captured you in everyway possible... As you stare at her for a min, the crowd of the audience starts to get louder and louder... Then your daydream is broken when you hear the screams from what sounds like one of the fighters in the ring... You turn your head and watch in horror as the man screaming is being crushed in the arms of this 6/3 275 pound giant... He just wont let up... He is killing this man... Something must be done... But before you can react,, WHAM!!!! a chair breaks over the back of this giant beast of a man... It seems that the loosing mans girlfriend felt like she had something to say about all of this... Wow!!!! This cant be real... This has to be fake or made up.... But when you done thinking,, the impossible happens... He grabs this thin woman and begins to have his way with her... Punching and slamming her like a ravaged animal.... By then the blood starts to boil in your vains... You have seen enough... Without having a care or a simple awareness of exactly were you were,, you push through the crowd and with all of your might you kick this giant man in ribs.... The shear force of the blow has rattled you leg like a medal pole that been hit by a car.... But ignore it... You half to get this woman and her boyfriend out of the ring... Others are there to help pull them away... As soon as you feel better that they are ok ,,you feel a hand grab your hair back... It took 2 punches to notice just what you had gotten yourself into... This is really serious.... As he readies himself to attack again,,, you walk back to the ropes wanting to get away from this enviorment.... Then you hear him... The old mans voice.... You hear him over the crowd... Like he is in your mind speaking through you.... (Let the absolute sertancy of victory fill your entire being.... Unite my way of thinking with your way of acting and create power manifest.. And then engage that energy.. AS if it were opened up like magic.....) Then things suddenly clear... you can in this fight... One punch, missed... Two, then three,, he is slow... You can easley parry his moves... Then you open up with all you have... One kick, one punch, a stance... It seems as if this man is somewhat surprised of what he had just seen... But his anger clouds his judgment making all of his attacks most predictable... This man is easy pickings... So when you take him down you notice the crowd in shock and aww... well thats all fo today.. .ill finish later...

Listen to my story... Listen to the agonizing screams of my plee to all of you.... We are all here for a specific purpose in life... Weather we want to chose that destiny givin to us or not... Theres is a plan in life that we were created for... Some were born to be a doctor... Some were born to be a Pastor.... And others,,,, well some were born to lead and some to follow.... Well Im here to tell you folks... I Joshua Murphy... The proud son of Robert Murphy was born to fight... I was born to assend all limits of my trainning... In the mind, body, and spirit..... But it wasnt my physical abilities that made me a great fighter... Its the surroundings of life and nature that give me modivation and the will to go on... ( A great fight isnt won by foolish punches or kicks)... A great victory is won when you exceed the impossible... When you stare death in the face and know your going to die, but you still have to will to live... To keep on pushing and pushing... To think that there is no end to the limits of your power.. And overcome death another day, and wait for another..... These are the things that thrill a warrior... To stare death himself in the eye and smile...... I have faced several days such like this... But it just seems that my time isnt due just yet... Even though i may welcome death in its most gruesome way possible... I stand alone to die with my pride and honer.... But i do have things on my mind right now.... There are some things that i would like to address to you.... One) I want you all to do something for me... Just go outside... And sit down were you can watch a sunset... Breath the wind and apprieciate the scene, and have one thought in mind... That beautiful scenery wont be there forever... Breath freshness of the air.. It will smell worse in 10 years time.. And Listen to the wind.... When the wind blows and you feel like you can just fly... Open your arms and listen to the message of the wind.... Achieve a perfect balance between you and all spirits around you... The spirits of all things are trying to tell you something... Just listen.. Two) Live life with a smile everyday... Weather your happy or not... always bow the the person your meeting, weather its a man or a woman.... Three) have pride about yourself... Even though you may think your ugly, or fat, or skinny or whatever you think you are.... Just know this.. If you believe to have survived the harshest battles of life... Then take pride in that for a start... Love yourself and never ever let anyone tell you that your worthless or ugly or whatever.... your beautiful by heart and mind.... Try to look at things with your heart... Not with your eyes.... I promise the blessings of life will get better.... These are my thoughts on life yaw.... Please... if you love me... take them to heart... I promise i have been through more than you.... I love you all very much... weather i know you or not.... Love, Joshua Murphy