Lotus Blossom's blog: "Lily's Pad"

I hate stupid people. I really do. Dumb a** “wannabe” hard n* that don’t know how to shut up and keep moving. I encountered such an idiot today. My husband and I were in the car today, sitting in traffic 4 cars before the intersection at a red light. The littlest princess was in the car with us. She said something, so I turned around to see what she wanted - which happened to be something to do with her car seat. Next thing I know, some black man has his head in my window saying “Was there a reason why you did that?” Ok, I am in MY CAR. And some random negro has his head at my window. Of course I was a little taken aback. I whipped my head around to see what was going on. Apparently the car lurched forward while this man and women were jaywalking across the street in front of our car. Since my husband was driving, they were talking to him. The girl was upset the car could have hit her. The guy was posturing for his girl and trying to be all hard. (I say girl, but they looked as if they were in their 30’s; makes this scene all the more ridiculous.) I guess they figured that my husband (who is white) would be a pushover and get all scared and apologetic. My husband has a 2nd degree black belt in Tai Kwon Do – pushover is not in his vocabulary. If anyone is the push over it would be me. So my husband tells the guy to get over himself and get out of the street. The idiot keeps talking, and the girl starts running her mouth too. I am still in the middle of this conversation. I finally had enough and asked “Is there a problem with the crosswalk?” Then he starts yelling at me. My husband, who doesn’t suffer fools easily to begin with, perceives this as a threat to his wife and family, and tells the guy what he really feels. Light changes, I flip the guy and the girl off, and we go on our merry way. We stop at the local fast food place a block up the road, and while we are at the drive thru, the guy appears at my husband’s window, talking more shyte. This time he is telling my husband to “check your girl before I do.” My husband says “Go ahead, check her.” Side bar here – since when do women get “checked”? Are we cattle, children, property? What kind of cave man shyte is that? We are both outside the car now, and this fool is still yelling at me and my husband. My husband knows that trying to check me will be a disaster for all involved, and he was prepared to sit back and watch Hiroshima repeated. Apparently the guy felt I need to be checked because he did not expect me to say anything while he yelled at my husband over my head. And now that his manhood was challenged he figured he would tell my husband to check me, since he was not man enough, or smart enough, to put me in what he thought was my place. The guy starts to walk toward me, and then he stops “I don’t hit women.” What I would like to have seen happen was my husband dropping him on his ignorant posterior. However, my husband told me to call the police and the guy took off. In retrospect, it is good that he did not touch the guy; we do not have the money to bail my husband out of jail. But man it would have felt good to knock him out.

Maybe I am the worst person to walk the earth, or maybe I am just human.

I haven't had a good f*ck since - dayum it's been so long i can't even remember. I really need one. And my husband is incapable of that feat. I haven't been able to talk to him since the beginning of our marriage. I had to cut him off from the bank accounts because he kept overdrawing the account. And he lies. Not the huge ones. Just the little sh*t that he knows I already know but lies anyway.

I know one of my male friends would have been happy to marry me, had the right circumstances presented themselves. As such he is the best confidant I have, and if we were closer I am sure he would take care of that "other" problem.

So now I find myself in need of a "no strings" relationship. On the one hand I feel horrible, but on the other I am feeling like I am getting the brunt of the "for worse" part of the wedding vows. Granted it has only been 2 years, but isn't that enough time to suffer in silence?

I am not really asking for affirmation or condemnation. Just putting my feelings out there.

Lotus Blossom

Wow, what a night! Nothing like listening to 3 hours of talented musicians with varying styles. It was open mic night at Java Lords and I decided to make good on my promise to check it out. So I went. Almost missed the place driving; if it weren't for the folks standing outside with guitars I probably would still be driving around in circles. Because it's Little 5 Points -aka "the heart of Atlanta Bohemia" - bikes are the popular mode of transportaion and they don't bother with insignificant details like adequate parking. I was lucky enough to find a spot only half a block away. I walk in the place and it immediately felt like home. Reminded me of a coffee joint I used to frequent in Minnesota called Kuppernicus; that same relaxed atmosphere that Starschmucks and Caribou try so hard to imitate. I got myself a "real" cup of coffee and sat back to enjoy the show. Talk about not disappointed! From the moment I sat down I was completely impressed. This was not regurgitated pop style music. This was stuff written from the heart, from life experience. That old school starving artist feel; all that was missing was the dark room with a spotlight that barely pushed it's way through the thick haze of smoke. Those that have watched Richard Pryor's early stand up routines (the ones before he was household name) will know what I am talking about. I listened to songs about depression, about moving on, about life, even about a favourite restaurant and manic depression (being a manic/depressive I was very impressed with the light hearted way she portrayed it.) It was absolutely incredible to feel the passion for music they exuded with every song, every note, every word. I have not been to a concert yet that moved me as much. If you are in Atlanta I would strongly suggest that you visit open mic night at Java Lords any Tuesday night. I am almost certain you will not be disappointed. PS. There is this guy that plays there, his name is Kevin. Make sure you get there in time to see him. He's my favorite! (wink) in love and light, Lotus Blossom

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I had to borrow Amy's lyrics to describe how I feel. I can not believe that I was foolish enough to be caught up in this fuckery. And now, as usual, I feel worthless and guilty.

Mrs. Lotus Blossom