Spunky Monkeythe broken pieces of the he...'s blog: "life"

tears fall upon my face shame fills my insides to make a mistake and let you go kills me im slowly dying i realize now ill never love another like i love you i never had a dream come true until you walked into my life and i dont want to say goodbye so ill pretend that i moved on but secretly you'll always be my baby i dont think i could love another it just wouldnt be the same they wouldnt be u my heart screams ur name in pain i feel like half my heart is missin you were my missing piece to my heart and now ill never feel whole again cause of a stupid mistake i made and now i cant go back so ill go on livin with pain and regret remembering you as the one i fucked up with the one who had my heart the one i wanted to marry the one i wanted to start a family and now that will never be so all i can do now is beg for mercy for one last chance and hope and pray for the best for all its worth im sry

so many mistakes were made so many lies were said so many secrets kept within life seems so crucial to be playing us like pawns in a game seems like a horrible nightmare that i can never awake from like all this is one big joke that doesnt seem funny to have a heartbroken could be the worst pain yet to have happiness ripped right from underneath me and then to be laughed at for being a fool a fool to love a fool to care a fool to believe maybe thats what i am just a fool a fool for loving you it is now forever imprinted on my heart

I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase [Chorus:] When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away All the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase [Chorus] I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along [Chorus]

(verse 1) with these words that leave my lips they are so pure and full of love i dont know what to do (verse 2) time goes by so slow when ur not around and i slowly go more insane to have such a great thing slip right through my hands is my worst regret yet (chorus) baby here my vows take them to heart and let my words fill you with love nothing can go wrong when our love is strong (verse 3) we've shared so many great memories and just to let them go would be a sin in itself to cherish them that could be the best thing of all (verse 4) to feel ur skin upon mine i know for one second god took the time to make u special just for me you have the wings of an angel (chorus x2) (bridge) ill give you the world to travel to the moon and back doesnt seem so impossible when ur near so spread ur angel wings and fly away with me (chorus x2)

so much happened we need to go our seperate ways we cant go back now ill always love you no lie about that we were never a match made in heaven seems like it was a match made in hell we've had so many fights that would break our hearts we did have our good times but the bad always followed and lately thats all it seems im a bitch ur a stubborn asshole as i write this im slowly dying inside didnt want things to happen like this but they did theres nothing we can do now my love will always be with u but i cant we need time of our own so many things got in the way u found a way out i couldnt i was stuck so this was my solution to get out im sry but this is the way it has to be

One day I looked up and there you were, like a simple question looking for an answer. Now I am the whale listening to some inner call, swimming blindly to throw myself upon your shore. What if I don't find you when I have landed? Will you leave me here to die on your shore stranded? I think I know why the dog howls at the moon. I think I know why the dog howls at the moon. I sing dela, dela ngyanya dela when I'm with you, dela, sondela mama sondela, I burn for you. I've been waiting for you all my life hoping for a miracle, I've been waiting day and night, day and night. I've been waiting for you all my life waiting for redemption, I've been wating day and night, I burn for you. A blind bird sings inside the cage that is my heart, the image of your face comes to me when I am alone in the dark. If I could give a shape to this ache that I have for you, If I could find the voice that says the words to capture you. I think I know, I think I know, I think I know, I think I know why the dog howls at the moon. I think I know why the dog howls at the moon. I sing dela, dela ngyanya dela when I'm with you, dela, sondela mama sondela, I burn for you. I've been waiting for you all my life hoping for a miracle, I've been waiting day and night, day and night. I've been waiting for you all my life waiting for redemption, I've been wating day and night, I burn for you. Sondela, sondela, mama sondela, I burn for you. I've been waiting for you all my life hoping for a miracle, I've been waiting day and night, day and night. I've been waiting for you all my life waiting for redemption, I've been wating day and night, I burn for you.

a smile seemed so sweet and now it feels like it has no meaning any more my world and mind shattered today after the thing i saw i was scared,mad and sad at the same time seemed like all my happiness ran away and it feels like it will never come back cuz that image will forever haunt me im stuck in the middle of something i shouldnt be in but thats what life dealt me and now ill always be in the middle my minds now a record player thats stuck on a certain part and it just keeps repeating over and over again and it will never end im lost now i dont know what to do i cant talk i cant smile and i cant laugh like i used to nothing seems to help i wish i could rewind life so i can remove the image but i cant and it hurts i want it to go away

theres a hole in my heart i feel empty the pain never leaves just hearin those words makes me cry everytime i feel like i lost apart of me i was on top of the world until the day u walked out of my life and she walked into urs now im alone in the dark with this pain that never leaves and the hole in my heart take a look down u can see the tears that surround me depression clouds my mind memories stay strong wishin i could relive them to turn back time would be wonderful but it can never happen i had the world in my hands and it just slipped away i couldnt hold on tight enough i regret the things i didnt do if i did things differently then maybe just maybe i could hold u one more time

my life is a black hole i just keep fallin and fallin trying to find a way out but there is none i cant see nething around me i can see a light above me but i just cant reach i need a helping hand to reach down and pull me out i dont want to keep fallin i want out i want to enjoy life i need a hero i need a knight in shinning armour will someone come rescue me? i dont want to disappear just yet i want to be known i want to be heard please come rescue me

well lets see my family is like poor now.....we have no money for cigs...barely ne money for food...we can barely pay the bills. my dad works 2 jobs and they keep cutting his pay and cuttin his hours....me myself has been trying to find a job but havin no such luck....i cant use my moms van nemore becuz of gas prices which i think the prices are rediculous. my mom hasnt had a job in 5 years almost 6..my sister cant really look for one she has a kid to take care of...jj hasnt tried i dont think. i got dumped again...and the reason he gave me was stupid in my opinion but i wont get into it. i barely get to see my friends nemore...the only person i really see is chris. these are one of the times i wish i still lived in st.cloud. one of my friends keeps ditching me cuz other ppl come along and she decides to hang with them when she made plans with me first...so im kinda getting sick and tired of it and im about ready to tell her off.... my bday is in less than 3 months and i want to have a party but i highly doubt ill have it cuz well i have no money...im prolly gonna have a shitty 19th bday my mom is still making me her slave...having me take care of her kids and clean while she sits on the computer...i was gonna move out this summer and move in with sean but that looks like it wont happen.... i wish i could have a better life than what i have now but this is the card i was dealt and im stuck with it....ive tried to change my life but it never seems to work...i need help i cant do this on my own and the one person who was there to help me is gone now becuz i made one small mistake. my life is so shitty right now...ik some of u will think or say that im not the only one and ik that...ik that their are ppl out there with lives that suck just as bad or even worse theres this girl that i dont like nemore...when i first talked to her i thought she was cool but then i found out that she was going to try to steal sean from me and yea that pissed me off..well she can have him now he left me and i dont think hes coming back in the past few months ive realized that im lazy,im a bitch, im a horrible g/f...i can never seem to make ppl happy...i seem to always piss them off and i dont try to it happens....i think i have bi-polar but my mom wont take me to get tested. so its like wtf ur a bitch....i really think i need to be put on some sort of pills... my life is just fallin apart and atm i cant seem to do nething about it...dont get me wrong ive tried to but yea i always seem to fail in the end..there was always one person there for me but me being the retard that i am never went to him for help and i regret it..i should have listened to him and asked for help but its to late now.... ppl tell me that my life isnt that bad well until u walk in my shoes dont tell me my life isnt that bad. u have no clue what im going through atm and if u do can u help me out here im running out of ideas. and great i have one cig left and i cant get another pack til like thursday or friday. most likely friday cuz thats when my dad gets paid his very little money yea i have no money to get me ne new shoes or clothes. i only have like 4 pairs of pants that i can wear and 2 shorts and one skirt....i have enough shirts and shit like that...i only have to bras. and i have plenty of underwear. have the time in this house i cant eat cuz theres nothing to eat...so most of the time i have to rely on my friends to feed me cuz my famiyl cant really afford food. and i hate having to ask my friends to buy me stuff....when my moms goes shopping she usually buys cookies,milk,chips,cereal and some meats. she cant really buy nething else cuz we have no money i need out of here...i need to go to a place where i can actually eat. have a nice life and not have to be my moms slave. my mom pisses me off so much that i dont even think i even actually love her nemore...i love my dad and my lil sisters to death but the rest of my family i dont know.... in the past month or so ive lost like over 5 pounds cuz i havent really been able to eat nething. all i had to eat yesterday was like 3 slices of pizza that chris bought. only cuz i had to share with him,his sister and his mom. and today all i had was a bowl of cereal. well im on my last cig...which sucks ass. u know if i had a better life to live..i would prolly be a better person i wouldnt be who i am now cuz right now i dont like myself. its times like this that i wish i wasnt alive. so i wouldnt have to go through all this ive tried hard to not to cut myself or over dose on pills but i dont know how much longer i can hold on i want my life to be better i cant use my cell nemore cuz i have no minutes on it cuz well theres no money to get the minutes and its been over a month well thats all i have for now i would like to thank all the ppl who were there for me and that kinda helped me out...i appreciate it