Teresa's blog: "LIFE"

OK, so over the last I'd say month maybe a little more, I have had alot of time to evaluate the friendships I have. And I am to the point now that I have gone off on a few people already. If you want my friendship then fine, let it be known, but when you lie to me over and over thats your bad, cause Im gone. Dont sit there and feed me the lines of this that and the other knowing you are lying. I dont lie to you, there is no reason to lie to me. But if you tell one person a lie, you are lying to everyone. Even yourself. Sorry that hurts and you dont want to hear that. Another thing, when someone wants to accuse you of things and you allow them to, where's the frienship then. I would fight every inch and mile I could for one of my friends. Well one of my TRUE HONEST friends. There are people around that I may not talk to them EVERY single day, but damn it. If I called them at 3 AM and said I need you to come get me please do. I know who would come and who wouldnt. When you have chosen to take the current boyfriend over a friend at 6+ years, your friendship was never there to begin with. What does that say about you? When you have to live in the past and you cant let it all go, you cant live today and be happy at all either. If you have to lie to yourself about things, then there is no way you are happy with yourself. You havve to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Regardless of how well they treat you or how good they are. I tell you what, if you cant seem to be a true friend to me, then there is the door, please make sure you shut it behind you on the way out. Because if you come knocking, there probably wont be anyone here to answer. I am tired of being walked on and lied to. Can you tell? Some people want to live in High School again. Well some of us grew up and moved on. If you cant change the past, why change now? Everything happend the way it was supposed to happen. If you changed anything then then things wouldnt be how they are now.

Well, lets see here, its been a little over 2 months since I last wrote a blog and updated everyone on me and since I checked on everyone else :) The last few months have been crazy....I started a new job at 7-eleven and have been there about 2 months now. I seem to work all the time and dont seem to have days off, well thats what it feels like. There is some major talk on me moving up and being trained as an Assistant Store Manager, which will be nice. We will see where this takes me....lots of open doors now. About the time I lost contact with everyone was about the time that I started talking to Stephan. He lives in Ireland, is a bit older than me, and was talking about moving to the states by the end of April of 2008. He is such an awesome man, but certain things that I have evaluated have given me some more doubts about things and I dont know if he will be moving still or not. I met an amazing woman as well....she has sooo much strength and courage for the life choices she is making. I have the utmost respect for her...but what some people dont seem to see is that she will have more strength then most. Kendra for this I love you...you are an amazing person inside and out and I hope that one day some people will see that :) On another note....I was on fubar about a week ago, I look and I am getting rated all these 11's by this guy. Not sure who he was or why I was getting rated so many 11's by him. I get this message saying I am from your hometown, look at my pics and you will see....I asked if he was talking about CO and he reiterates to look at his pics...so I do, I went to his pics and started glancing at his pic folders...JACKPOT!!!! I read the heading and open the folder, only to find pics of my hometown in Antioch, California. I about cried, I couldnt believe what I was seeing. I hadnt seen pics of my hometown for years. I get to talking to him and we exchange yahoo screen names. Well, the more we talk and talk about growing up, we both realized that we went to the SAME school(s) and that we grew up right down the street from eachother. Daniel I love you buddy!!! Our talks are amazing and you, too, are an amazing person...thank you for bringing back childhood memories :) I am having a little bit of some medical issues right now, which not many people know about. A select few of people know exactly, but I am waiting to tell everyone...sorry for that... I will try my damndest to update everyone a little more than once every 2 months...hope all is well with you all....

Alright, so a ton seems to keep happening all around me. I moved to Colorado, trying to meet some new people, and looking for a job as well. The one person that I thought was a "true" friend, turned out to be the opposite. Instead of looking into the whole situation she saw the bad and didnt see a damn thing. But oh well, I know what I have been doing and where I stand with things. Im sorry that people have to lie and be jealous just because they arent involved with every little damn thing going on. People can only do so much and then its playing the waiting game like always. Not my loss, Im not going to go back to something that I in the first place did not ruin. Is that wrong? I feel as though its not. I have dated a few guys and realized that the ones I had were lying to me and hiding things...thats not worth my heartache...I had it for too long, why should I bother now? I have however been talking to someone now...no names revealed, but he knows who he is :) and when we talk its amazing. Things fall right into place and we can laugh about soooo much. Yeah we have yet to meet face to face, but talking to someone and getting to know them is more important then meeting face to face. I guess I am kinda old fashioned and I am drawn to personality more then looks. I know *momma Cindy* I will always have to have your approval first LOL....So when I am ready and I will be stopping by YOUR house, no matter what time of day LMFAO!!! So that is about all that has been going on in my life. I am living with a GREAT friend that understands how it is living the rough life and having to start over. And I know I wont get bailed on when things go wrong. Just for the record, my definition of friend is being honest *NO LIES*, following through with what you say you will do and standing beside them no matter what. Are you really one of those people?????

OK SO ALOT OF THINGS HAVE HAPPEND WITH ME....AND I MEAN ALOT....I AM NOT ON HERE ALL THE TIME LIKE I WAS BEFORE FOR MANY REASONS, BUT I AM GETTING ON AS MUCH AS I CAN *TRYING TO BE ONCE A DAY* I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING GOOD AND DIDNT THINK I JUST DISAPPEARED FROM YOU ALL, CAUSE I DIDNT....

OK SO HERE IS MY FIRST BLOG ON C.T. LET'S SEE HOW THIS GOES...I AM STUCK IN BETWEEN A ROCKA DN A HARD PLACE...I AM IN LOVE WITH TWO PEOPLE AND ITS KILLING ME INSIDE. I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS THATS NOT POSSIBLE, BUT IT IS TRUST ME I KNOW. THE ONE THING IS IS THAT, ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND THE OTHER HAS TOLD ME NUMEROUS LIES THAT I BELIEVE AND I STILL THINK THAT THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT. Another thing that I seem to be going through now is I have these 2 guys that are AWESOME!!!! They make me laugh and I can talk to them about anything pretty much. One of them lives here and the other lives north of me out of state. One I know I couldnt ever have anything with and the other I know something awesome could come from it. The problem? There are things about me that I am going through and trying to deal with on my own, because I know that I need to. But it makes it hard because I dont want to bring others into it and show that I am weak inside right now. I am a very strong person but almost always I dotn show my weak side. I know that is wrong, but I am and always have been like that. Why is it that when I say I dont want to talk about something it comes back to me that I am pushing people away even though I seem to tell them DAILY that they need to let me come to them? And when I try to go to them they are too busy and dont want to listen. True friends respect me and what I have said. I know that, but when you feel for someone a certain way, what are you to do? I know I am only 24, but I have been through a lot more then most 30 yr olds have been through. If not more. I am so confused right now. And I seem to keep hitting rock bottom day in and day out anymore. If anyone has any thoughts on this please share them...