Fallen Angel's blog: "Life"

Twenty one years of my life to go Have I lost myself to someone else? Truth, lie, to live or die Makes no difference if your never gonna try. I know I'll die for you Feed off my sorrow [Criss whispers]: If you want me too I know I'll die for you Bleed for tomorrow [Criss whispers]: If you want me too Will you die for me? But, will you die for me? See me standing, so fucking cool Wish you would be like me - a fool Truth, lie, to live or die Makes no difference your never gonna fuckin' try. I know I'll die for you Feed off my sorrow [Criss whispers]: If you want me too I know I'll die for you Bleed for tomorrow [Criss whispers]: If you want me too I know I'll die for you Feed off my sorrow [Criss whispers]: If you want me too, If you want me too I know I'll die for you [Criss speaks]: Can you feel it, can you see it? If you want me too Bleed for tomorrow Will you die for me? But, will you die for me? [Criss sofly speaks]: I want you too I want you too [even softer]: I want you too I want you

Torment A weight falls heavily upon me - A steady pull inside my brain. In one room I seek love and understanding - In another I purge the guilt and pain. My guilt never leaves. The pain only deepens. My life is a wild rotation from one room to the other, Locked in a ceaseless circle of torment - A game of chess I cannot win. I stand up, throat on fire, head spinning, heart pounding; Begging for an end, any end, to this hell. I gaze into the mirror, wiping my mouth, Wondering who I have become; A drawn and pale face, dull, expressionless eyes. I run my hands through my hair Hoping it will quiet the screams in my head - But it doesn't, and tomorrow the game will start again.

Feelings of confusion, Depression, Uncertainty. Where do I belong? Where do I go? What do I do? Pick up the phone. No one to call. What would I say? Get in the car. No where to go. No one to see. Deep inside Is the urge to scream. At what? Trapped. No escape. Have the need, The desire, The want, For release - For freedom.

well as most of yall know, about 4 months ago me and brian *my husband* moved out of grants pass oregon to las vegas Nv, Well, we are moving back next weekend, Im happy but at the same time im not, I dont wanna leave here because i love bein in a 24/7 town, some know what that means, Some dont. Alot of people know about what has been goin on in my life for the past year some dont, only my closest family and friends do, Some know that about six months ago, me and brian had found out that we were expecting our first child, which is way exciting, Me being a big mouth, I told everyone, And it came back and bit me in the ass, I misscarried about 7 weeks later. To broke my heart, I moved here to get away from all the drama that grants pass oregon holds. But my family comes first in my life and my mom needs me to come back. I also have a brand new family member the came about a lil over a month ago and i dont want her growin up with out knowing her aunt and uncle. My life has changed in the last few years, i wanna say from march of 06 to now, I've grown in so many ways, Been through alot, met alot of different people, dated a few assholes and married my best friend, Some of the guys i've dated, one of witch tought me alot about myself, in turn, i push him away, And did some f*cked up things to him, Another, almost killed me. Stephen to name names, since he aint shit. The other one, I wish in time would forgive me. All im saying is, There is alot of things i wish i would have done differnly, but i've learn from everything. Life has itz was of giving you a second chance, even if you dont think you diserve it. Belive me....... I KNOW.

I love the way you look at me, Your eyes so bright and blue. I love the way you kiss me, Your lips so soft and smooth. I love the way you make me happy, And the ways you show you care. I love the way you say, "I Love You," And the way you're always there. I love the way you touch me, Always sending chills down my spine. I love that you are with me, And glad that you are mine.

Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility... It is therefore able to undertake all things, and it completes many things, and warrants them to take effect, where he who does not love would faint and lie down. Love is watchful and sleeping, slumbereth not. Though weary, it is not tired; though pressed, it is not straitened; though alarmed, it is not confounded...

FAKE FRiENDS: Never ask for food. REAl FRiENDS: are the reason you have no food. FAKE FRiENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs REAl FRiENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM FAKE FRiENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAl FRiENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up... but that shit was fun" FAKE FRiENDS: never seen you cry. REAl FRiENDS: cry with you FAKE FRiENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAl FRiENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours. FAKE FRiENDS: know a few things about you. REAl FRiENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you. FAKE FRiENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAl FRiENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. FAKE FRiENDS: Would knock on your front door. REAl FRiENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!" FAKE FRiENDS: Are for awhile. REAl FRiENDS: Are for life. FAKE FRiENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. REAl FRiENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste shit." FAKE FRiENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. REAl FRiENDS: Will knock them the fuck out

Hey all, itz really early in the am and im in soo much pain i cant sleep so i thought i would sit here and write about whats been goin on in my world. Looks like i might have to get sugery on my right side, alot has been goin on there. My step-sons mom is a cunt, she's tellin him imma gunna beat the living hell out of him because she is pissed off that i'm with brian and she's not. (My cat is dumb) Some of my friends desided to turn there backs on me and start talkin shit which is just fucking peachy. Itz my husbands and I first christmas together and it scares the shit outda me, People still say i shouldt have married him, but hey it should be about what makes me happy right? I go back to school on the 7th on january woohoo, that means i wont be here very much, i have homework up to my ears lol. Me and the hubby are hopeing to start tryin to have a baby with -in the year which would soo make me happy since i lost our first child :( *crys* ( Did i say my cat is dumb) I miss my best friend of 19 years. One of my cloest's friends is here at my house right now but is passed the fuck out in the living room and i'm in the family room on the pc altho i should be in bed lol. Wow i had alot to say. BUt goin back ot my step son's mom, can i bea the living hell out of her for tellin my step son that shit! Then tell me i'm a dumb cunt and shit like that! Ok well i'm done ranting and raving. I'll shut up now. Much Love to all!

It has been awhile since i last sat down and wrote a happy blog. I've been soo busy with school and getting married and helpin my husband take care of my step son and being a full time student. Yah needless to say, i've had alot goin on. My life took a turn and i found out that me and my husband were gunna have a child, 6 weeks into it, we misscarried. It sucked, but we have live each day. We also just moved into a three bedroom house which is way kool, I love it. Well thats it for now.

Just when you think everything is goin the way you need and want, life throws another ball in ur court. That is what just happend to me, Someone whom i thought never wanted to talk to me ever again because of things that had happend, Called me tonight and rocked my world. As i'm sitting here itz 2 am, i have class in the morning, and my husband is dead asleep, and i'm not in bed sleeping like i should be. whats wrong with this picture? I need to sleep but can't, i'm soo confuzed about things and about what was said in this phone call, it was a civil convo, thats the scary part lol.