just a work in progress's blog: "Kathy's Chaotic Life"

today was a very hard day for me. i went to my paw paw's house with my lil sister and her bf johnny. we all went over there to put up my paw's christmas tree. this is the home of my grandma who passed away earlier this year. it was a very emotional day. i was so glad that my son was there to help lighten the mood. i am not looking forward to christmas this year. it's gonna be so hard without my grandma and my ex. i have so many houghts going through my mind right now. i want to talk to someone about them..but i am just scared that i will only upset my family. i miss my grandma so much..she was my angel..my heart..and the one person that i knew i could never let down. she made me feel so special and she was always so proud of me. i cry all the time at the possibilty that i have let her down with some of the mistakes i've made. i want so bad to see her..hug her..and just ask her advice. i feel so alone right now. i just want a friend to talk to about things and hug me and make it all better. i am such a weak person...i just need someone to help me find my strength. as far as relationships go...i am terrified of all that. i don't want to jump into something again..i just want to be friends and learn to love and value myself. i don't want to mess it all up again. :(

well..im officially the biggest loser on the planet LOL..just started crying during Alladin..what's wrong with me? it came to the part of the movie where the couple is flying around on the magic carpet and singing about being in their own little world and i just lost it. i want someone to want me like that! i want to be the most beautiful girl in the world to someone...but is that even possible? i can't even stand the sight of myself in the mirror! maybe im just wasting my time posting this...but i hope that there is someone out there who can help me pick myself up off the floor. someone who just wants to help me and doesn't think that i will owe them anything for their time.

hey yall..i am so excited cause i am seeing results on my diet!!! i have lost 3 pounds already since the weekend..go me!! keep ur fingers crossed for me..my goal is fifty pounds (47 more to go)! then i'll post pics of the new and improved me!! much love to all!

well...i have been waiting for a long time to start helping my dad at his shop...and now he has some other girl coming in and he wants me to show her how to use all his stuff...guess that's a hint that he doesn't really want my help which is just fine i suppose...the heck with it all..guess i'm gonna have to find me a better job somewhere else. i just wish that he would have told me ahead of time...then i never would've quit the job that i had!

hey yall...just wanted to say that i am sad to say that my grandma passed away. i am doing surprisingly well. i have never gone to a funeral before where i just knew that she was going to be okay. i know that she is happy and smiling down on me from Heaven.

Hello yall...i have been in Jackson, TN at the hospital seeing my grandma this week. She is in the ICU..it's been one problem after another. she has been on a ventilator for the past three weeks. she has cancer in her lungs and in her spine..plus she just had heart surgery and dealt with infections. she is the greatest woman i know. i hate seeing her in that hospital bed..she just lays there..asleep all the time. i am surprising alot of people with how strong i am being...but honestly i just want to fall down and cry. i can't begin to imagine what my life would be like without her.