sewsavannah's blog: "just thinking"

I'm gonna stay just the way i am quirky and kinky and a little disconcerting and not a soul can inspire me to change i'm gonna do what i have to do diligently and firmly and always with a smile and not a soul is going to distract me from my goals i'm gonna breathe every breath as if it's my last thankfully and gratefully and always with a touch of joy and not a trouble is going to keep me from my joy i'm gonna wait every moment an hour every hour a day happily and patiently and always with an expectant heart and not a day is going to go by that i don't think of you

breathe in feel your world expand feel yourself grow feel just feel and wait wait for something that you can't expect but you know you'll love because it's life breathe out all of the pain is gone all of the confusion evaporates on your breath you're complete and don't know how but you feel yes you feel hit that space that place where nothing matters but breathing and flying and being just breathe baby and come back to me

he has eyes that captivate me and keep me still and calm and i feel like i can do anything.

confuzzled woman sits alone at her desk pondering a future waiting and alone and she decides that life is strange indeed and wonders how she ended up here and where she's going and when she'll get there will there be happiness or more solitude indeed indeed repeat it for effect it's not really all bad but it's not really all good either

you watch me i see you all the time where ever i go i know you're around it's a strange mix of fear and curiosity that makes me search crowds for your face you stalk me you say i'm exotic a strange and quirky girl who arouses a mixture of curiosity and lust that makes you seek me out restlessly and covet me you want me but i'm not yours and i never willingly will be a combination of anger and desire is painted on your face when i see you it makes me afraid afraid to go out at night to drive aimlessly and feel the excitement that beautiful life freedom and peace that i used to own is fled because you showed up what will you do when you finally decide that i'm not going to evade you any more? that is my greatest fear terror and panic sometimes grip me in the night why can't you leave me alone? one day i'm afraid that you'll grab me on a darkened street or in my own home and spirit me away i ponder and wonder what it is that i did to draw your eye and how can i make it stop she's a beautiful girl and she's living in fear because you follow her and make her afraid that when you strike she'll be powerless and alone and whatever will happen to her dreams when you tear her soul apart?

abandonment abatement abbreviate abdicate aberrant abeyance abiding abiotic abjure ablation abnegate abnormal abomination aboriginal abortion aboveboard abrasion abridge abrogate abruptly absence absinthe absolute absolution absorbed absquatulate abstinence abstract abstruse absurd abundant abuse abut abysmal abyss sometimes lists say it all. sometimes they don't. it isn't easy being rational when the world falls on your feet and breaks bones.

I had no choice but to hear you You stated your case time and again I thought about it You treat me like I'm a princess I'm not used to liking that You ask how my day was You've already won me over in spite of me Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are I couldnt help it It's all your fault Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole You're so much braver than I gave you credit for Thats not lip service You've already won me over in spite of me Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are I couldnt help it It's all your fault You are the bearer of unconditional things You held your breath and the door for me Thanks for your patience Youre the best listener that I've ever met You're my best friend Best friend with benefits What took me so long I've never felt this healthy before I've never wanted something rational I am aware now I am aware now

i am in a simply radiant mood right now and have not a damned soul to share it with. doesn't that just suck? i got paid today - and they gave me a fat little bonus... not huge fat, just go buy yourself something pretty because you've been down size. so i did i went shopping to buy a dress because literally every piece of clothing i own is too big for me... and i was shocked to discover i could by a juniors 14. you see... six months ago i was snug - and i mean it - in a 24. i've done nothing but become happy. my life has changed dramatically and i am freaking happy and i shrunk. go figgure. but dang - my daughter wears a 14. i haven't seen that size since i got pregnant with my oldest daughter 25yrs ago. so woot for me. i'll celebrate on my own, thank you world very much. and i'm gonna wear my new dress out on tuesday night, god help trivia night. okee. happy moment set aside. i'm going to go drag my daughter into my room to adore me.