jaded 4 ever's blog: "just me"

i have poured out my heart and i poured out my tears... not sure when they will stop or if they ever will. maybe its true love just isnt enough. that there has to be more, i dont know what that more is to be... i give all i can give and still feel that isnt enough. there are no promises on what will happen from day 2 day in this life. will the tears ever stop and does a broken heart ever mend??????

who would have ever thought after almost 20 years i would find my sons father on hear... we have not talked or seen eah other in that long and now hear he is. The time we have spent on hear talking and the time we have spent together has remind both of us on much we missed in each others lives..The last we seen each other he was getting married and i knew i was pregnant, but he was my best friend and i wanted him to know happiness so i didnt say a word and couldnt go threw with watchin him marry someone else. For i never got a chance or gutz to tell him how i felt or about the child i just ran away from it all... moved to another state... I came back to ks and have always asked about him and kept incontact with his family. but just until he seen my pic on here and ask did he know forsure we had found one another after all these years....

what is there to really know? im a single mom have my up and down days like ever1.i believe live life in the momemnt for this moment is ur life. always fallow ur heart and play by ur own rules. do you realy know what jaded means its a name i think i should have been giving for it fits 90% of my life. having ablast on ct meeting new people....

I think we all find our selves wondering why it all played out this way.. How dreams come and go. Lost loves found and left alone, finding no place to call home ..As i set hear in the lonely days and endless nights. Thinking of all the questions i didnt ask..Knowing that u are part of my past.. Holding on and letting go, not sure what way to go or where to turn.. Lessons yet to learn and to many bridges burned.. I waite to see if there will ever be the right one for me...

I use to write aout you and to u... now the times has come that i write for me.. I have started 2 see that what could have been ours, the time has come and gone and passed us by once again.. But i will always be hear for you and u can always call me ur friend.. looking threw my eyes, thats all there is left and that is our end..... So farewell to romance, ever lasting love that will never end... Cheers to you my friend

well i have always believed in put it right up front and yes i did in the bulliten, but when you hear, as many empty promises that i have herd, then it makes you feel that way, take the bulliten as wish, but the true ones will come forward ask what needs to be asked and what is truely wanted and needed !!!!!!! some will have fun with this and of course there will be haters, but atleast you know one thing, im not the one, who is sitting there saying DAMNNNNNN

i sit hear wondering waiting to see what will come of you and me..Are playin with fire to know that we will always get burned by the flame.. There so many question yet un answered yet i still keep hope alive.. I feel ur lonliness and i know your pain..But i cant bring you home again..You have choices of ur own to make and i have mine.. But it makes it so very diffcult to walk away from a love that is as pure as urs and mine.. We walked away from it once and you found happiness for a while, i only found that with my childrens smiles i was ok.. i hear ur voice on the line and know every word is true.. But i just am wondering if you will ever find you way back to me..Or friends who truely love each other is all we will be.. so many question, go un answered,But one day not hearing from you, im lost in broke dreams and tears fallin like rain, there is no end to the pain,But i cant find the road to letting you go. you have the comfort of someone else and i set alone, with a heart full of love to just hand to you freely. Will there ever be a place for you and me... Or has our time came and went... If it has why cant we find away to stop this maragoround.. before both hearts come crushing to the ground.. With nothin less than piece, that no one can repair, but the ones who crushed them there

I stand looking left & then right , Knowing im at a crossroads in life. Wi th your words saying just waite , and my heart saying no. You tell me how long is not much longer? Exspecting me to keep staying stronger.How my tears start and find no end. Do you feel the pain i feel on your end? When i hear your voice over the telephone, It feels like coming home.Then poof your gone have a life to move onto. Where do i go with mine waiting for you time after time. Who left who without looking back ? Not thinking we would lose track. Still you ask me to waite. Is the heart ache i feel from destiny or fate?Love and happiness yet so far away.I still waite feeling i will never be found.With my world closing in on me all around. When i close my eyes your all that i see. Reachin for you at night, no one there,Screaming your name threw my dreams and tears.Only you can take away the lonliness and fears.Is it the distance between a woman and a man. Please tell me what waite a lil longer means? I find no way to measure it awake or in my dreams!!!!

you give all u have to give and then u hear those famous last words... im not ready lets just try as friends first and see where it goes....when there isnt one thing you dont know for you have been there friend for almost 20 years... so do u take the 10 steps back and waite ? or do you move forward and just leave it all alone ..i have no answers hear just questions ... he call before work at work and before bed.... so that has even givin me more twisted feeling... i looked for him and he for me.. found each other on ct... so as friends i refer to things we shouldnt talk about... and always keep everything on an upper level.. but i want to say so much more but he told me today i was pushin... so i set with life passing me by and wondering why

Blood in my heart and blood on your mind as you search for that flaw that you'd find dissecting the words of an innocent leaving love and compassion behind Scattered ashes are all that remains of the things that went on before so let it thunder and let it rain cause these things can't hurt me no more Dirty glasses in the morning's light recollections of your presence last night but in the new day's hostile silence the intent of your echoing words seems violent Cruel cold rain's tormenting me - there are no visions left to see just hazy shapes and whispering voices the future is filled with lunatic choices There has to be music, there has to be wine to lessen the pain, to make me feel fine escape from this life, escaping from me it's comfort and strength that I need