Just to clear things up, I do not buy my coffee from Starbucks. Being that I am a working man, $4-5 bucks for a cup of coffee is just a little extreme to me. I pay $1.59 for my coffee from 7-11. The coffee tastes great, and I still have enough change left over from my fin for a doughnut, and a lottery ticket. Since I don't make enough money to contribute more than 2% to my 401k the lotto sweems like a great retirement plan. If the lotto thing doesn't work out, I can always hope for a massive coronary from the paastry I have been feeding on every morning. Either way I figure I've got retirement covered.
However, I digress.So when I get into work , my boss asks me for a "special favor." I'm thinking "So all of the work that I do that you take credit for, isn't special enough?" Dickhead. Turns out the special project was to go and fetch Starbucks for him, and his other office tuna buddies ,so they could have a "meeting" (read 2 hour bullshit session) The best part of all this? He offers to let me take his "ride". WOW you mean I get to drive your 1997 Taurus wagon with more interior stains and smells than the mattress that the local crack whore uses? Nah I'll pass.
I get to the local Starbucks and of course, the line is 8 people long. Why is it, that thier is always a line at Starbucks, no matter what time of the day or night it is?
Standing in line, next to the CD's, books, t-shirts, aromatherapy items, and all or the other shit that is SO nesacarry to drinking coffee, an odor comes over me. I don't mean your regular, run of the mill flatulance. I am talking about biological warfare gas. I almost lost conscienceness. I swear, it was worse than ......hell I can't even think of a comparision that would do it justice. Everybody in a 15 foot radius imeadeatley put thier heads down looking for some type of filter. I saw on lady cover her face her jacket, some guy cupping both hands over his naose and mouth hoping that the smell of whatever was in his pockets would cover the gas. My eyes watered, time stood still. The line didn't move seemingly trapped by the death cloud that had engulfed us all.
Great I think to myself, torture enough to be at Starbucks, with all of these corporate yuppie asshats,in line like a complete fawking tool, fetching coffee for some dumb ass that will probably only drink 1/2 of it, but tje best part is , I get to be at ground zero for somebody's gastric explosion.I finally get the coffee, get into my car, get back to work, and as soon as I walk in, everybodys nose starts wrinkleing up at me. I smell like that shart.Great. After half a bottle of Fabreeze I finally get the smell overpowered enough so that people will stand within 5 feet of me.
This evening as I am getting into my car, I open the door happy to be on my way home, and it hits me. That smell. Baking in the 90 degree sun for 8 hours. Moral of the story........Should have driven the Taurus
