Chaotik Element's blog: "Journal"

What pisses me off are politicians, democrats, and republicans bitching, and using tricks like they were still in High School. Stealing, and recycling speeches from one another, lacking originality. Those who don't accept others, but either try and change those who you can't stand, or play head games with them like women. But most certainly, it is when those who are qualified for jobs, if not overqualified do not get them, instead they go to those who are not qualified in any way,shape, or form. I submit to you, the readers that people are imperfect, and things will not likely be balanced ever. And I do not apologize if anyone reads this, and does not understand it, or refuses to acknowledge what I had said.

I thought you were perfect in my eyes, such "A good friend" who promised to stand by you people till the end huh? Your not standing by me at all now. I don't care if I never hear from the lot of you ever again. Why do I need you, why should I need you? am I that insecure in everyone's eyes? We talk once in a blue moon, nothing more then that, and nor will we ever. I'm out for good, away from you people. I'll keep living my life, and y'all can live yours, I'm not begging to talk to you any more. I'm out, I'm walking away & not stuttering, or stumbling. No more seeing you go back on your words while I keep my promises. All pieces of my past, nothing more. But maybe you never were really my people to begin with in the first place.

You might have noticed that I'm not on CT as much as I used to be. Well, I no longer Dj on here for starters, and that being said I've got some shit to take off my chest and say. If you don't like it, then don't read it, plain and simple. Here is the truth of why I'm no longer in Inferno, and why I no longer will Dj on here. Over the past while of Djing here, I've taken alot of bullshit. Things such as people not showing up to cover their shifts when I was on Nice and Naughty, and having to fill in for them at the last minute. But the last patch with Inferno just took the cake, and convinced me to say "fuck this BS". The last time I was Djing via Inferno the Dj who was scheduled to come on and take air from me didn't. So I went off air, the result was that a certain person (not naming names here) advised me that having lost/dropped air was "disrespectful to inferno", well you know what? It is not my fault that you and those involved that night were unorganized and allowed this to happen. Further more, how dare you use me as your scapegoat at that point. You should have also known that I would never fill in for someone at last minute, without previous or prior notice. I had no problem covering for those who gave me notice, however noone had done so. Be glad that I was in a decent mood when I got the message via yahoo informing me that I was fired, otherwise I would have gone down your throat and cursed you out. That BS was in fact the straw that broke this man's back. Due to this previous situation I will still make Dj mixes and megamixes etc,however that is it. I will no longer be Djing for anyone on CT, plain and simple. "DJ Silver Demonix" Formerly of Club Inferno

I guess its normal for the people you've backed up, and stood by almost like brothers to ignore me. It seems that my own brothers would like to keep my cheese out in the wind too. Then theres someone who is a puppet master behind this, and I'm so fucking disgusted that hes using his own children this way to keep tabs on each other, and their mother. If theres friction between him, and one son, well he uses the others against him. If the two sons who spend time together once a week, well if something breakes off the plans, even if the other is very sick he gets a massive guilt trip. I'm alone tonight, totally, just sitting here with noone to even phone and its really annoying. If I said I derserved it, I know that would be bull.

I don't know how its going to sound, but as time passes I'm still workin away on this new disc, slowly, and slowly polishing it. It might be done in a day, a week or a month, I don't know when though. All I can do is put my best out on this next set and hope it flies. I don't expect to blow up, but it would be nice if I could sell more then I did when I started out. If anyone is reading this and they've heard my stuff, if you like what you've heard then please let me know. It would be nice if you bought some of my digitals, from either me directly or from a website. Also be advised that I'll be pulling a promo draw, and give away soon so let me have your names and contact info. Well, time to go back to my note pad. ~ Silver Demonix

How much shits going on all over the world? How few people are dying all the time? How few people care about all of this and care about themselves only? Its funny, I thought people would care about things like AIDS,drug addiction and all that but whats really going on? Very little, and it makes me sick, we've got bag ladies on street corners, kids with only one parent,people who've got no jobs and welfare but we don't care enough to fix it. I am seriously let down and disgusted by all this, so all this gov't bullshit you read about how we're doing this and doing that for all these problems, use common sense. All this Walmart and Starbucks corpocracy control shit via money and power angers me beyond belief. We've got kids on drug cocktails (no I don't mean illegal drugs you fucking dumbass bastards, I'm talking the prescribed bullshit)and we turn our kids into fucking zombies cause some pill pusher claims to know this is the best for them. Then we've got all this online drama bullshit, and people who won't let sleeping dogs lay. Have you ever thought all the shit thats going on in the world, is more important then this he said, she said bullshit? You know,arguing on the net is like cheatting to win the special games, even if you win your still an idiot. You all suck, well most of you do. That is all.

So last night I dreampt I was younger, in a school caf talking to an indian girl. We were flirtting with each other, I made her laugh and blush but as much as we liked each other. Two other boys were claiming ownership over her, and both were indian, both were given their choice, yet they picked her. I asked her if she liked them, she said "No" and I asked her if it mattered to her family that she liked me. It didn't matter to them, before I woke up I saw a tomato and a flower, both were given to me after she kissed my cheek.

So its early for me, (maybe 1 or 2 am.) I'm just breaking & laying on my bed, everythings coming out tonight, I mean everything. Emotions and emotional flashbacks? Yep, getting those too now, and as soon as Pieces by Sum 41 comes on, everything keeps coming out. Every feeling you could think of, hate, self hate, depression, darkness, everything. I'm sober but laying in bed realizing "I hit the absolute bottom, now why can't I sleep?." So, maybe another hour or so passes and I finally zonk out. Someone calls my name, I shrug it off. At this point I had passed the point of giving up and not caring to the point of being drained and collapsing. Almost nothing short of the end of the world, or a nuke war would've woken me up between then and when I did finally wake up.

I've been hacking away at the new tunes, for about a week, maybe a week and a half. And I think I'm going to be ready to hit the studio on Sat, and hit the college with CDs next week. After that I'll send some new tunes to a few of the Djs on here, Whiskey, Momma & Shroom Guy. After that I'll hit up Christine and see if anyone she knows is interested. Its weird, how we've been fightting when we've talked and if today doesn't change anything, Idk I'll give up on the person. I finally slept enough last night, granted I slept in but still. I'm working on the new me, and so far so good, now if I can keep it up consistently. Blah, thats it for now.

I've been going on 4, maybe 5 hrs sleep a night for the past 3 nights and I feel ready to crash. I don't know whats coming up. I've given up on seeing anyone down in the neighbourhood, but I wish I had closure. I feel terrible, I don't know why, sometimes I'll snap if someone pushes me too close or too much just like last week at the grocery store. I'm still job hunting, writting and everything else. If this lasts all this week, on limited sleep I'll more then likely break and I'm sorry if I snap but if I do try to ignore me.