Standardising the language.
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study to look at ways of
improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily
difficult, for example, cough, plough, rough, through, and thorough.
What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these
anomalies.
The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at
top level by articipating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly sivil servants in all sities would resieve
this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both
letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the
minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be
announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments
would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a
deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kotinu to read and writ as
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four uears sins the
skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by
'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vish is, after
al, half a 'w'.
Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words kontaining
'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis, and
evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt
vud finali hav kum.
