JScott's blog: "j.scott"

Can relationships be thought out,manipulated and controlled?Can love be held at arms length?Not so far.She makes sense.Shes smart,beautiful,good money and reliable.What's not to love?Feeling like and actor, ready to blow his role.Terrified the cherade will soon be discovered.Pins and needles all the time.Living a lie that never ends.Behind a mask that doesn't fit, I Gasp for air.Is this happiness?I have the picture perfect girl,it must be.Take a breath,slide the mask back into place and resume the role.Walk softly always ready to fail.

I usually write in my journal,but since my private shit ends up here anyway. Today I learned that what I need in a relationship,I cant have.I dont experience life through sight,touch or sound.I feel my way through life.My emotions control me and rational thought takes a back seat.Maybe I should listen to my friends and give up on the higher ideals of love and commitment.I am difficult.I have an over idealized sense of life and maybe I expect too much,but god I hope not.

You hide your parts like pieces of a puzzle.Never letting anyone see the Real You,not all together.Insecure and worried that others may find the picture ugly or imperfect.But I look at each piece individualy,and each is a work of art.Not one of them a sign of ugliness or shame.Only beauty can I see.I've tried putting them together,but in futility,realized just how unimportant that is.So I return to appreciate each piece in itself,until the day I may be blessed and see "You".

I dreamt of you the other night.It wasnt lurid or boring,just very nice.We were slow dancing to NIN Closer(I know,not your typical slow dance music,but it fit).We were moving in just the right way,you looked at me in just the right way,we kissed in just the right way.It was my dream you know.After the song,I leaned down and we kissed one last long kiss,and I walked away.I wonder why I walked away and didnt pursue the moment.Maybe something inside of me understands that our whole relationship is just a dream in my head.Maybe I should just let it go and find a real one.I think I will starting tomorrow ;)

Alone in the night,overwhelmed with despair.I know my role.I'm the one they turn to.But where can I go?To whome can I turn?Been too long since I've had my other half.The one to which,in the middle of the night,I turn and stroke their hair.Letting go of the inner need and pain.Sharing not in words,but touch.The burdons are mine.I just don't want to be alone while I carry them.

A few cruel words from the wrong people and forever lost inside.You look through the portals of your prison and gaze upon a mirror that only lies.The words of desire and love never to reach you.I turned the key and unlocked the door,but you refuse to believe.I only wish you could look into my eyes and see your beauty reflected.But you turn from the truth and return to your prison to gaze upon the lying mirror.

You have a sexual IQ of 134



When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

You Are A Cedar Tree

You are elegant yet unpretentious, modest yet vivacious. Attractive and friendly, you are full of imagination but might lack passion. You abhor vulgar people, and you don't like anything in excess. You have little more ambition than to live a calm life and enjoy nature. You create a content, peaceful atmosphere for others.