I just freakin want someone to hang out with. A guy who I can talk to and trust. Not have to worry about is he after this girl or that girl. Someone who would be understanding that it might take a little for me to be able to completely trust him because I have been burned bad. My first used to beat the crap outta me and Michael cheated on me and put me thru hell.
I am not saying I want someone to spend the rest of my life with. If that were to happen that would be great but I just want someone I can talk to and when I find out some exciting news I can call him and be like guess what! I want someone I can confide in. I want someone who wants me to be there, some one who wants to talk to me. I want someone who will text or call me first thing in the morning just to say good morning. Or text or call at night just to say good night. I want someone who will answer me whenever I text him or call him. Not just ignore me like I don't exist. Do I not deserve that?
I hate that I am a coward. I get around that certain someone and I just go stupid. I can't talk, Heck I can't even think to talk. I don't know what it is but he just does something to me. He is beautiful. When I see him I just go flush and my mind goes to mush. I want to talk to him but he just makes me so very nervious and the butterflies just start flying. I don't see him often but when I do its the same all over again. When he is around I don't think about any of my problems. I dont think about all the pain I have been put thru this last 1 1/2 year. He is the only guy who has ever made me stop thinking about Michael at all. This might be selffish on my part but its how he makes me feel.
I would love to be there for him. When he has problems with anything I would love to sit there and listen. I would love to be there for him to "cry on my shoulder". I just want us both to have someone to lean on.
I just want to go to the movies or go to dinner or the cowboy. I want to go do things with that guy. I want to learn all kinda new things about him. I want to know his fav color and his fav food and his fav place to go when he just wants some alone time. I want to be some one speacial to some one I find special.
I don't know why I wrote all this. I just felt the need to get it out. To vent. Might all be dumb and make me look stupid but oh well if it does. I don't care, lord knows I have looked stupid to him many many times, I am sure.