GRANDPA WILLIE's blog: "I thought I had friends on here"

Redneck Logic Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic. "What's logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." "Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor. "That's real good!" said the redneck. The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house." Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!" "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife." "That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on. "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor. "You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!" The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting. "So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend. "Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck. "What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend. "Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck. "No," his friend replied. "You're queer, ain't ya?"

Teenage Boys And Smutty Mags? You Don’t Say! Pharmacy | Columbus, OH, USA Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson pornography!” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell pornography.” Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager now!” Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?” Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson pornography!” Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.” Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!” Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?” (She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.) Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See right here! Where any child could see!” Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not pornography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.” Angry Old Woman: “I know pornography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?” Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?” Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!” Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it, seriously.” Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!” Manager: “Right…real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have internet access?” Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?” Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.”

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket! A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

If You See A Naked Lady... PG-Rated One day there were two boys playing by a stream when they stumbled upon a naked woman frolicking in the water. After a few moments one of the boys turned and ran away. Put your ad here! The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked, "It was interesting man, why did you run away?" The other boy replied, "My Mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something turning to stone, so I ran.

At times I open my mouth and say things I shouldn't say. And I do apoglize for what I've said in the past and you do know how I'm talking to if there is every a time when I need to talk to you it's now.............

You know I help alot of you people out and I get nothing in return I have ask you all to help me out well you know what I'm done helping others out with there Cherry points.You know sometimes it's just not about the points. It's more about people wanting friends and there are people on here that say the only way you can be friends is to add them.