griAnne's blog: "i shouldnt be feeling empty"

Thoughts from a long time ago that still apply, possibly even more so now A single word flowing from my lips Creating a painting from my heart A winding vine encircling all i know Causing some to squirm and wiggle A solem word to me of beauty and life Growing with light so real and pure Another breath to those who will listen Gliding through the strings of life The words of my life continually flow

lost little girl you gone astray do you really know where you plan to go do you realize you left your path and travel a way that seems so dark and cold lost litlle girl where will you turn can you see the shadow closing in on you taking you down this road tantalizing you with its lies and games lost little girl hear our cry do you see those that call you home do you feel the hole you've left and the emptiness of a broken heart lost little girl an empty shell is there anything left of what you once where where is the laughter and glee that is but a faint and distant echo in the wind lost little girl, open up to me do you know you arent the only one hurting do you realize i miss you though nothing will ever be the same

i shouldn't be feeling empty yet my heart yearns not to ache i shouldn't be feeling guilty yet i make so many mistakes i dont know how to fix it but put up the temporary facades that convince even myself that at times im okay i dont know what im supposed to being doing i'm not even sure if i really know who i am but i keep pushing and growing in what i know to be there knowing eventually it will all slide out from me again its easier for me to focus on others issues than to look at or face my own i just want things to be okay and to not run and hide from all my guilt and fear i'm so angry that they think it can just be prayed away and that it will just make it better and take all the guilt away i know life isnt meant to be easy nor robots are we wanting to be but i struggle with the rollercoast that never seems to stop the treck that never seems to go anywhere but a few steps forward than slides right back i feel out of place, i feel out of wack i just want to make an error and know that its still alright but instead i beat myself up and let guilt guide my life