>HOW TO DRIVE IN LOS ANGELES
>
>1. First, learn how to pronounce the city name: it's "L A"... 2
>syll-a-bles.
>Never say "el lay" rapidly... ever!
>
>2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is
>from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
>
>3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the 105 or
>110, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is
>considered "wussy".
>
>4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L A has its own version
>of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go
>first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second.
>However, in Malibu , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the
>right of way.
>
>5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
>out, and possibly shot.
>
>6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
>get you shot.
>
>7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L A and Orange
>counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure
>during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
>exciting.
>
>8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
>barrels, cones, celebs, rubberneckers, shredded tires, cell phoners, deer
>and other road kill... oh, and coyotes feeding on any of the above items.
>
>9. MapQuest doesn't work here. None of the roads are where they say they
>are or go where they say they do and all the freeway off and on ramps are
>moved each night.
>
>10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder
>immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
>
>11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone,
>you
>are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
>
>If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
>
>12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just leave Monday afternoon for
>Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on
>Sunday for anything on Monday morning
