Lora Havic's blog: "How I feel"

Thats right, I have a new love interest......actually its not a love interest, he calls me his betroven....and anyone from my clan knows who he is......He goes by the name of Aldar.... In one year he will be stationed in San Diego where I will be with him......hes already called me his future Mrs. Eaton......I love him so much, he is finally the first kindest, sweetest, most responsible man ive ever met in my life....and finally things are going good in my life......I dont think theres anything out there that could tear us apart....

Well for the semi-good news:: I'm moving to a bigger place in two weeks A THREE BEDROOM YAY!! that will cost me only 150 more than im paying now....work is still going great, im in my eigth month and getting my medical benefits, Old lady charlie is back with me and moving into the three bedroom with me and i have a restraining order on the somoan that has been giving me troubles.......he can no longer hurt me again....the pd are watching him now for drugs. And most of the politics from work before are now wiped since they got rid of a few pit bosses and others that were top dog, they have all been demoted and theyre talking about promoting me!! As for the really bad news:: Well, Dee is still in town but probably wont be for long since she still cant hold a job {lost her job at the gas station too and still goes to my work} ...My parents are in town but they seem to be pretty cordial so far...which is a good thing so that part isnt really bad news....And ive got a church Evangelist group that swear up and down i need to go to their church and be saved on a constant basis because im on a one way train to hell and im going to burn forever { spotted my pentacle}...meh whatever Bad News in Medical on my family:: My uncle is in orange county because they are talking about amputating his foot due to diabetes, my aunt is in Pico Rivera because they found cancer in her breasts and my grandmother is with her now.....which she is having problems with vertigo amoung other things....my mother is on oxycotin and a couple other medications and is still drinking heavily, and my brother chris { the one that just had a daughter, my baby niece serenity} is currently in Loma Linda because he and Joanna { my sis in law} got into a big fight......he turned and ran off and ran inside a church and punched out a window and severed an artery in his right arm, if Shelby hadnt had been there he would have bled out from all his running. Shelby tackled him and called 911 - but it might be too late...they are talking about amputation....he has been in jail three times in one week and he's looking at criminal charges for busting the window in church now.....one was for under the influence...{and not talking of alcohol} he was released the next day for some crazy reason...... I dont know what to do about them...part of me wants to go back and fix things, the other part wants to remain out here in hiding hopeing they will all be alright.....I just dont know what to do..... but there's an update for you....ill send it through the google thing for clan and on cherry tap for those that arent on Livejournal.....take care

Well plans have changed, Im not moving....shit fell through, so im staying here a bit longer, for how long I dont know, i guess till something else comes up, but as long as im stuck in mesquite, i may as well stay here for a while.......::Sighs::

This is probably the last blog im ever going to post, im leaving cherry tap and my messenger and not coming back and im moving soon. Im not telling where im going and im not going back to california either....im going someplace where I know I wont get hurt anymore. For my friends and family here on CT all I can say is Im sorry, but the pain has to end somewhere, I cant take the bullshit anymore. I love you all goodbye from Lora Havic

You know, most of you havent talked to me on the phone or in person, youve seen my photographs...you tell me im hot, im sexy, im gorgeous, im pretty, how you want to come over and do me yada, yada, yada. Im sick and tired of that, I want someone who wants to talk to me for me, not talk to me about sex......thats all any of my friends want to talk about anymore, I dont have one male friend short of the ones that are already taken like my unkie goth that dont want to talk about anything else except about all the things they can do to me and make me do in the middle of the night. Mabye Im sounding prudish or...mabye im sounding stupid to some of you guys.....but in alot of ways, Im looking for friendship, mabye Romance.....possibly, but definately friendship and sex has gotten me into nothing but trouble in the past.......I only have one person in mind right now that i want to consider ripping his clothes off because he talks to me and treats me like a lady and a friend.....and he lets me initiate the sexual stuff......but he talked to me as a friend first and got to know me.......im not going to mention his name here, but he knows who he is.......anyhow thats all im going to say right now......this may just be PMS and my depression talking.........but right now.......I dont want Don Juan.......or Rico Suave......I want the guy in a t-shirt and jeans kicking back watching an action movie with me, having a couple of beers...and just kicking back without sex on his mind.........and when ive had about four or five i may jump his bones..lmao.....but right now..I just want friends

Well last night at work was a new life experience for me, the coctail waitress's did not show up last night for work, so we didnt have any, so the bar manager and my Lt. came up begging me to help them out { and if any of you asked what i do for a living im a security survaillence officer in a casino and happened to be the only female there last night} so because they begged i did it, i wore the fucking outfit changing out of my uniform and handcuffs and what not and served drinks from 2am till 8am, my arms legs feet and butt hurt.....i dont know how they do it.........i fucking hurt!!!! Life lesson- i would not want to piss off a cocktail waitress, as much wait as they carry all the fucking time, i bet they can throw a fucking mean left hook, that and i go back to my normal attire this eve....THANK FUCKING GODDESS!!!!!

Oblivion is so much further, the end draws ever nearer. With every soul that surrenders to shadow, the darkness takes over the souls become hallow. Decay's sweet stench now clings, darkness is what evil brings. I do not go gentle into the good night, its not easy taking me, I wont go without a fight. In death there is no where to hide, no where to run, its an invisable life with darkness and it has begun. God is dead and no one cares, drowning in his own hypocrisy. And if there is a Hell ill see you there, burning with you and God in humility. Death is but a passage through the shroud, the light you seek becomes a blurr, a darkened cloud. Thousands of things undone, millions of roads untravelled, The secrets of this darkened death become unravelled. Transcendence of any sort requires passage through the void, To the heart of oblivion, the darkened soul cannot avoid. The past must be abandoned, the future must unfold, Your doomed to the Shadowlands, the darker stories will now be told. Those that do not grow, that cannot overcome pain, will be swallowed whole by the darkness in vain. I hope you listened, heeded and will follow, I know its hard but even in death there is sorrow. Written By:: Lora Havic ~ The Demon Child gone Rogue ~

My life is going to be entering another chapter soon, in what way on the scale it will balance im not sure, but hopefully there will be more positive than negative in the near future.... On april 22nd I shall see my mother and family for the first time in six months....im really scared and nervous due to the condition i left them and i left myself in, i dont know how to coop with certain things that went on there but hopefully it will go well {the close friends knows whats going on} The doctors want me to come back after i get my insurance to do a biopsy....they think somethings wrong with my uterus due to the constant heavy bleeding and im really scared.....i havent talked about that with my family yet for fear they want me to come back home, and i dont want to go back....... Also I have fallen for someone really hard, rather this person knows this or not .....I have...but there are certain things going on that are making my mind and heart tell me two different things...my mind tells me to pull because its the right thing to do, but my heart tells me to stay, because he is a wonderful caring person and i deserve someone special like that.........but i may hurt someone else if i do so, and i dont like hurting people.......but he said he cares for me too........and it felt so good to hear him say that.....i felt warm, happy, safe, secured.....everything i wanted to feel in the past i do now.......and i dont want to let go.......financially im stable for the first time ever in my life.........so that is at least going well......but this month is going to bring on alot of decisions that im scared of and they are coming soon............even though hes not here with me, i can feel him holding me tight as i type this out thinking about my family, him and other things in my life....... i will write a continuation on this as more developes, but for now this is all i have......

Thank you all for all your comments and your ratings, they make me feel very special here on cherry tap.....I didnt think i was that loved here lol...anyhow blessed be everyone and im glad to have met all of you....

Im finally getting some peace in my life now, im doing great at work, i live alone and no one can tell me what to do, my b-days coming up and im going to spend it with good friends, im meeting great new people....what more can i ask for? Life is finally going great