killaphilmci's blog: "how did this happen"

From childhood's hour I havee not been As others were- I have not seen As others saw- I could not bring My passions from a common spring- From the same source I have not taken My sorrow- I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone- And all I lov'd- I lov'd alone- Then- in my childhood- in the dawn Of a most stormy life- was drawn From ev'ry depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still- From the torrent, or the fountain- From the red cliff of the mountain- From the sun that 'round me roll'd In its autumn tint of gold- From the lightning in the sky As it pass'd me flying by- From the thunder, and the storm- And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view.

The Raven sits upon my shoulder, singing his wicked song, And has the day grows colder, The Raven will do what is most wrong, The Raven sits upon my heart, It nicks at my veins, With its beak he rips me apart, With his song he brings these pains, The Raven sits upon my mind, Reminding me of the evil I am, Telling me hell is the rest of time, Hell, he screams, your are with the damned, The Raven now sits upon my tomb, Singing of my death, Telling all of my doom, And how I laughed with my final breath,

Where am I? Who am I? How did I get here? Why do I feel so... Trapped? I'm not sure I can't be sure of Anything anymore I have to get outta here Towards the exit If this way's the exit I have to save my life I cant get out! The door's locked Where am I? How did I get here? The walls are closing in Tighter Suffocating me The door shrinks Till it's all gone What's happening? Am I dying? Who is "I", anyway? I feel so... Trapped They are coming! People... Who are they? Do I know them? I don't even know I... Oh god I'm lost I'm I, Yet I don't know I They are they But I can't know they What am I meaning? What does that even mean? God I feel so... Trapped They stab me! There's red... What's the red? Where am I? Who am I? Who are they? Why can't I feel pain? Should I feel pain? Maybe nothing is pain? What's nothing? What the hell?! I feel so lost, so... Trapped

I look out the window and the sun is goin down..I take a deep breath as my heart sinks to the ground...Another day has passed..I knew deep down this love couldnt last...I turn around and in the shadows i hear a sound..I think to myself is this shadow comming for me all hope has gone i say to myself i give in...I say i am ready forgive me for my sin..My heart beats slower as the shadow comes near all i ask for is it be quick..I sense no fear..I take my last look around as i say goodbye my love..I beg of you no tears ill always be near..I walk to the shadow with my head hanging low an the tears running down my face goodbye my love......

Ghastly advances quicken in the dead of the night Ravishing the innocent souls in a silent path Accept the overwhelming fear to consume your being Vanishing into the midst of foggy moondlight Escaping to a realm with unforgotten tales Yellowed eyes beckon over mossy tombstones Allowing the patient to seek out their stories Relieved by the shadows that dance wickedly Destined to overpower hazy destinations Breathe in crisp air, shelter from the mist Young creatures slip into the cracks of Eden Mischevious nightmares creep into enchantment Obscure images burn your inner eye lids Ongoing heart races beat through chests Neglected graves weakened under soft ground Laughter rings through the whistling wind Implications of apparitions drawn to dark Grieving the loss of eternal realities Haunted by their own tormented goodbyes Taken advantage of uninterrupted slumber

Seemingly untouched by the sorrows of life Hiding a heart that is supposedly light With happiness and joy and love And all the gifts God sent from above Strong, gentle, sometimes Selfish, untouchable, unreadable, hard to find Protected well by a love unconditional Insecurely relying on a built in wall Hurting, but hiding behind a luminous smile Keeping the secret with frightening guile Mistrust slowly growing, afraid to believe That friends really care and true ones donâ??t deceive Seemingly untouched by the brightness of life Revealing a heart that is assuredly quite Heavy with mistrust, insecurity and deception But living for love and hoping an occasion To be loved

well the is whats going around in my mind right now. i feel lonely as hell i dont know way it seems the only thing thats keep me happy is drinking and weed why is that is my life that big of a mess that thats the only then to keep me happy. i have friend i love to death. i know its all in my mind its just sometimes i get to the point when i just want to give up but i cant its like my life is dark and i just want to get out of the dark well i dont think im doing that well so im done until something puts me down again

It is I in a dusty corner on folding chair, sore with grief, keeping company to these out of season mums,their fragrance heavy and sickening this somber, somber day. Just wait here a bit, just wait. The front door, a revolving carnival for comers-and-goers; the visitors to this fatherless home. Oh how these sordid travelers here press on; pressing, pressing, stamping through this room, wooden-floored, rich with scent of black coffee cream-streaked. Amidst funeral stuffiness and proper inaction will I wait here, will I wait a cornered mum. The whispers, the vespers, the shuffling of feet cautious now. Strange, the candle placed table-center will stay lit, will not keep a-flame, here where draft would be welcomed; and I shrug, waiting, smelling the mums. Clangs the porcelain china, crisp as the hurried colognes and ancient perfumes, sudden as timorous outbursts of laughter, dampened instinctively by strict repose. A bit longer, wait a bit longer; twisting on my chair.

ISOLATION In the soft silence of the night, I can hear its nearing blight. Constant ringing, chronic humming, loud, obnoxious, steady drumming making its way toward my brain. Am I going crazy or am I going sane? Maybe it's this world descending. Maybe it's my own life ending. I can feel my mind just petering while my life is teet-teet-teetering. All of this incessant damage, I can't handle; I can't manage. Yet, without it, I find I yearn. (It's a cycle-just turns and turns). I must touch it, feel its vibration. It's loud, this utter isolation.